What is a good age to have a baby?

Question

I am 16 years old and I already know that I want to be a mom.
I want to know what is a good age to do this because the urge is really strong now. I am a senior in high school and plan on going to college so I know that now isn't an option, but I am really serious with this guy and I know that I will have his babies some day. Is 19 or 20 too young? I want to be young enough when my children are teens that I haven't forgotten what it is like to be one. There are also health problems in my family and want to make sure I see my grandkids. How old were you when you had your first kid?
Did any one feel the way I do now at this age?
Any advice is appreciated.

Answer 1

28

Answer 2

I'm 16 too and I'm worried for you! Because (I'm not saying that it won't work out with you and that guy, just hear me out...) soooooo many people have been like "oh, he's the one!" so they go and do something because they think that they're going to be together forever and then they break up and the girl is left dealing with everything. So...WAITWAITWAIT!!!

You're right, it isn't an option right now, especially with college. Babies are expensive! So is college! So is a wedding! So is rent, food, utilities, blah, blah, blah. When you have this all piled on and you're only 19 or 20, it can stress you guys out real bad! There's couples a whole lot older than that who get torn apart by money issues, so it's going to be a lot harder on you guys, especially if you're just finishing college and don't have a steady, good paying job yet.

I think it's cool that you want to be a mom and want a baby, but look at this from someone else's point of view. Look at your life and your baby's life and see if you're really giving this baby what he/she deserves when you don't have enough money and are really quite young.

This may sound dumb, but I've wanted to make sure I don't forget what it's like to be a teen...so maybe try writing it down. Write down what made you upset and why so that you can't do the same thing to your kid and can give advice or just listen.

Also...take care of yourself! Take vitamins, eat right, exercise, all that great stuff. Get regular checkups so you know early if anything is going wrong. That way you can prevent/find out early about those health problems you're talking about.

God bless!

Answer 3

There is never going to be "the perfect age or time" to have a baby. However, you are 16 and "know" you want to be a mom? Trust me when I tell you, things could change for you in the next couple of years. You are still (hopefully) going through high school. You may come to a point in your life where you want to postpone that idea.

I intentionally got married when I was 19 years old. We were married for two years before we had our first child. (So, I was 21.) That was also intentional. We had them at a younger age because we wanted to enjoy their childhood as much as we possibly could at young ages.

You can't possibly be thinking about that while you are only 16 years old. You have way too many other things on your plate that need to come first. You need to get your high school education. That should be priority one. Put this on the back burner.

By the way... there is no such thing as "financially secure". That can change faster than you ever imagined. I knew someone that went from wealthy to not so wealthy in a matter of days. It CAN happen. It's always best, when trying to plan a family, to never say "we want to be financially secure". Don't hinge plans on things like that. Expect the unexpected. This is why you are way too young to be thinking about something like this. You cannot begin to understand what it's like in the adult world because you are nowhere near it!

Answer 4

Honestly, I think you're too young to even THINK about it.

While some people find their life partners in their teens, it's rare. I didn't believe it when I was 16 or 19, either, but at 34, I look back and realize that I had a lot of growing up to do.

Still, there's no magic age to have a child. (I was 31 when my son was born.) I think it hinges on a certain financial and emotional stability. You don't have to be rich, but you need to be self-sufficient and know how you'll handle the significant extra expenses of raising a child. And you need to have enough life experience to have some deep reserves of confidence and patience for the inevitable bad days.

My son was born when I was 31. Let me assure you that at 34, I'm still in touch with my inner teenager. I suspect I'll be just as young at heart when I'm in my 50s. I've found that getting a great education, living on my own in the city, traveling the world, having interesting friends and a really cool job - and marrying a guy who has had the same opportunities - is what makes me young.

Often, I find that the people who are prematurely aged by parenting are those who have to cut their dreams short. That's not to say they're *not* great parents, but they haven't had the luxury of as many choices and experiences as those who come to it later in life.

If you're worried about your health, that's in your hands to a large degree. Eat right and exercise. Too few people do.

Build up yourself, and when the time comes, you'll know it. But it just isn't now, and probably won't be soon.

Answer 5

19 or 20 is not too young.

However, make sure you have a stable house hold for your child already in place. That you have steady, planned income. Health insurrance, and a safe home environment.

Make sure you are BOTH ready. You need to make sure you are financially stable, emotionally, phyiscally and your relationship is stable with open communication.

Don't let age be a guideline, though if what you desire to do for work requires college, I encourage you to wait untill then just because your expenses go up so much after having a child. You can also save a bit of money in the mean time for emergencies ect, and by time your done with college you will not have to pay the hefty some of school.. and can instead spend it on your family!

Goodluck!

Answer 6

I think the best age to have a baby is when you have travelled (if you want to) and accomplished a lot of the things you want to accomplish (that's not to say you can't travel or accomplish things when you have a child... it's just once you have a child, everything has to work around them so it's harder to get away and do everything you want to do. So if it is important to you that you go to college, or have a career for a few years, or anything like that, I advise that you do all of that before you have a child). And before you become a mama, you have to be willing to give up a LOT of your freedom and dedicate that time to a child. You have to be willing to do what is best for the child, not just yourself. And you need to be able to support the child. You should NOT have children until you are mentally, physically, and financially ready, in my opinion.

But there isn't really a set age that is a "good" time to have a baby. What age you should start having children all depends on what you want to do with your life before parenthood and what kind of person you are. I know some 16 year old who are amazing mothers... but I also know many adults in their 30s+ who STILL aren't ready to be a parent.

Answer 7

Yes I felt exactly like you, right down to the I want to remember what it's like to be young thing. Got married at 18 and had 1st at 20 and two more by 23. My husband came down with a mental disease and cheated on me. We divorced and I had a hard time trying to support my kids, because I didn't go to college. I've spent all these years wishing I had gone to school and spent some time living on my own so I could have fun and figure out who I was. I'm 50 now and am still wanting the fun I missed out on when I was young! Don't get me wrong, my kids are the best thing I ever did, but I wish I would have waited til I was older to have them. 22 is very young to have a mentally ill husband, two kids and another one on the way! It was really hard for me to deal with all of it!! I think I could have been a better Mom if I was more mature and had more experience with real life. My kids suffered by me not having a good job to support them and I suffered too in not being able to give them what I wanted them to be able to have. You never know what life is going to bring you so it's best to be as prepared as you can so you can deal with it all! My advice is to wait! You'll change so much between 18 and 25, give yourself a chance to live with out your Mom & Dad or a man telling you what to do, or influencing you!

Answer 8

I always had that urge myself, so I know what you mean. I used to dream about having babies, and couldn't wait to be a mom, even at 16. Two months after I turned 20 I found out I was pregnant, and I was actually really excited. I had my daughter right before my 21st birthday. I'm now 24 (just turned) and 36 weeks with my second child.

My only regret is this: when I turned 21, I kind of went crazy. I stayed out late, even with an infant at home, and I guess I was trying to have my "youth" back. It only lasted a couple of months, but I missed those months with my child, even though I was only gone part of the time. It caused my husband and I to seperate for almost a year, and my life was a mess. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I am saying that, in retrospect, I probably should have waited until I got alot of things out of my system. You'll probably be a great mom--I am too--now. But I wish I had thought it out a bit more, and knew then what I know now. It's everything I thought it would be...my daughter is the reason I get out of bed everyday...but you have to be happy with yourself, too. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I got married at 20 and had my first baby at 23.

I think it matters more that your in a stable relationship and financially able to provide for a child without relying on other family members. I chose to have a baby at 23 because my husband and I were still very much in love after over 3 years of marriage (and still in love now, coming up on our 6th anniversary) and had established ourselves well enough that we knew we had the money and the time to dedicate to a baby. We were both in good health and had finished our educations. At the time, a baby was the only thing missing in our life.

It's great that you want to be a mom and I respect that you have the foresight to recognize that you need to finish your own growing up before you jump into that. I strongly recommend finishing your education (even if you want to be a stay at home mom, you need something to fall back on) and getting out on your own before you have a child. When you've lived on your own (or with your husband/bf) for a while, you have a better perspective of what it takes to get by in the world and whether you and your guy are ready to devote double that to a baby.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

16 is still quite a young age to have babies. You're still not fully develop and you're still growing yourself. I had my 1st baby when I was 23 years old. On my personal point of view, I would say that ideally, it's between the ages 20-32. After 30, it's getting in the high risk mark already. But I would say that age is but a number but if you are emotionally, financially, physiologically and psychologically ready then go for it!

Answer 11

I dont think age has anything to do with it. It's the maturity level. I have seen plenty of people in their late 20's who should not have had kids. It depends on when you feel you are strongly ready and know you can offer all the love and support to a baby. Goodluck


Edit: After reading answers, people are going to wonder if they should have waited EVERY time. You can be 30 something having your first and still wonder if you should have waited. That goes through everyones mind, whether they admit it or not. Also having a baby does not ruin your life if it is unplanned, sure you pick a different life route but it does not ruin your life. People ruin their own lives, the baby doesnt.