my little boy has a real problem,he tells lies.He is nine years old and always denies any wrong doing,even if someone see's him doing it! for example yesterday he squirted a whole carton of juice into someones locker at school,several children saw him do it.. his response..just like Shaggy..it wasn't me.He even says that the other children weren't there so they could't have seen him.He has lied to me,his teacher,his headteacher.Worse he has blamed another innocent boy.
because there is no video footage or forensics I can't "prove" that he did it,I just believe the overwhelmimg evidence that the other kids have told me.
In the past I have always wanted to believe him,even falling out with other parents by taking his side.I feel that he is abusing my belief in him and learning a very bad attitude
What should I do to help him understand that what he is doing is wrong because noone will trust him ...ever!
2007-12-06 08:50:10 · 19 answers · asked by tokoyojo 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
the biggest problem is that his strategy works!
he creates just enough doubt to deflect any real punishment..perhaps he didn't do it ...they could all be lying.. unlikely ..but possible...he is very convincing...what should I do
2007-12-06 08:53:11 · update #1
Well, when I was young I would habitually lie and as I grew up I realised why. It's because if anything happened, I would get punished for having accidents if I owned up and said it was me, so in the end I worked out that if I lied, I had at least half a chance of not being punished if I got away with the lie.
I was so determined not to instill this in my daughter that we never ever punish her for having accidents - it's difficult sometimes - but we have *consistenly* said "Well, I'm sad that the .....got broken, but very good girl for telling the truth". This has worked amazingly well, because she's not afraid to own up to things as we have always praised her for telling the truth. She's only human though, and has tried telling lies - as all children do - and knew what the consequence would be. She lied, got told that the one thing that makes us very sad/cross is lying, and her favourite programme was deleted from the V+ box - she was mortified. She's almost 9 now and is still really good about owning up.
You may need to think about how you've reacted in the past if he has ever owned up to anything. Also, it may be worth having a serious talk with him to explain why lying is so wrong (i.e. people will start not to believe anything he says), and to say that you will now have a new system of consequences when he does lie, but praise for telling the truth. Hope it works for you.
2007-12-07 20:54:20 · answer #1 · answered by spanner the stig 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have his twin! I find it really difficult because my other kids are so honest.
It took me a while to "own up" to the fact he was the problem. Now I never believe him and I explain that I cant believe him until his behaviour changes, he doesn't do anything really bad but little things should be stopped immediately and you should make it clear it wont be tolerated, so they dont escalate.
I don't have to prove anything, I am the adult he is the child and he has broken the trust. I caught him out a few times by guessing he was lying and I was right.
So distrust him til he can prove otherwise is my advice. You like I trusted him and he broke the trust. Tell him each time that your sorry you can't trust what he is saying because he tells lies etc...slowly the message is getting through to mine, hopefully the same will happen to yours. Good Luck!
2007-12-06 09:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by twinkletoes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter tells lies about us to people all the time - she told her class teacher that I don't feed her at home!!
Just keep reinforcing to him how important it is to tell the truth and explain that you feel disapointed that you can't trust him. If it carries on, try a punishment like taking his favorite video game and making him earn it back by telling the truth.
Chances are it's just a phase and he'll get over it soon. I wouldn't worry too much - he's a kid - that's what kids do.
2007-12-07 07:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly like my son. He has Aspergers.
I can be sitting in the living room watching my son do a certain thing. I ask him why he did it and he says he didn't. I tell him I've just watched him do it so he can't deny it, but he still insists that he didn't.
Look on chartjungle.com for behaviour charts. There is a specific one for 'I did not tell a lie today'. I don't know if a chart would work for this. It really depends on your son.
What is the rest of his behaviour like? Is he disobedient? Rude? Does he have problems with anger? Is he aggresive?
Post more info and I'll try to help further.
2007-12-07 00:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by gill79 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say more punishment is in order as well as NOT BELIEVING HIM at all. You've let him get away with lying for at least several years. He needs some serious consequences for his lying.
I disagree with the poster above about the ADHD and bipolar. These kids know the difference between lying and telling the truth. That's just a copout unless they are delusional and then you have bigger problems than lying.
2007-12-06 08:57:53 · answer #5 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He must be taught to tell the truth. He therefore must be punished for the bad action he did, and then punished again for lying about not doing it. Until he learns not to lie. Otherwise he will get worse at lying and lie even when the truth would do him more good, as they say. Good luck.
2007-12-06 08:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by hillbilly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 8 and is developing the same habit. Now I just say I don't believe him whatever he says - for example when he has been arguing with his sister and comes to me with some grievance, I say, how do I know you are telling me the truth when you lie so often? It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf. He'll soon realise there are times when it is in his best interests to own up and tell the truth! (Well here's hoping!)
2007-12-06 09:01:08 · answer #7 · answered by Jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Does he know the story about the boy that called wolf? Tell him that if he keeps lying (And tell him that everyone around him KNOWS he's lying) that they will not want to be friends with him because they don't want him blaming them for thing he did. You need to punish him for the lies. Take away video games, TV, computer, etc. Tell him the more he lies the more things he will lose.
2007-12-06 08:56:26 · answer #8 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may want to take your son in too see a psychologist he may have ODD. Especially if he's acting out like that in school and then lying about it. If a spanking doesn't working for him telling lies to you and he continues to get worse it won't matter what punishment you hand out to him he'll still be defiant towards you. So, you may want too see about getting him help before he gets worse so later on in life it doesn't become Conduct Disorder which is much worse then ODD.
2007-12-06 09:30:32 · answer #9 · answered by Steven R 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think all kids lie a bit, especially if they are afraid of the consequence that might happen if they tell the truth. My two year old son tells fibs, Everyday for a month he told me he had beans on toast for his dinner in school when I knew he didn't!!
2007-12-09 05:52:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋