How do you get kids out of the house in the morning?

Question

I have a six year old who is becoming extremely adept at passive resistance. I pretty much have to physically move her through the entire process of getting ready for school, moving her from the bed, dressing her, brushing her hair, dragging her downstairs, finding breakfast, putting on her coat, guiding her to the car and buckling her in. I obviously can't just let her stay in bed until she's late, or not have her go to school at all. How do other people deal with that?

More background. Her bedtime is currently eleven hours before her wake-up time. (8pm to 7am). Do you suggest more?

Being firm generally just gets her to cover her head with her blankets. She's quite used to dealing with shouting matches with her mother, so no amount of firm on my part is likely to get her attention.

My wife won't let her go to school in her pajamas, with her hair messed up, without breakfast, whatever because it would reflect badly on her. She also won't get involved in the process until the kids are already 15 minutes late for school.

Any other suggestions?

Answer 1

Have her go to bed earlier, even if shes not tired. She will be pleanty rested up for the morning.

My 8 year old did this same thing at 6, guess what- very quickly learned the importance of getting dressed. I'm a single mom- iif you don't dress yourself (at an age where you know how to) you go to school in your PJ's and you have to tell friends that because out of laziness you would not dress yourself. That all ended after the first time of going to school in blues clues pj's.


Update-
At age 3-6 children should sleep 10-12 hours a day. 7-12 years old 10-11 hours. So she is right on the correct amount of sleep. So I would NOT add more, I just assumed that maybe she was only getting a 8 hours of sleep or so when I mentioned that.
You AND your wife need to get a system together with your children. If she is so worried about how she might look bad if her child is in pjs or her hair is no combed she also needs to be in the process of getting the children ready. I am going to assume that your daughter has been getting dressed by herself for years- well have her continue to do so. All she is learning right now is that "if i do NOT get ready by myself then daddy will get me ready" that has to be running through her little mind- kids are smart. So she knows that she does not have to get ready on her own. As for shouting matches with her mother- that's a game for children basically. It's "lets push mommy (or daddys) buttons" that to them can be just as fun as candy land or monoply.
If it was me in this situation- before she goes to bed I would have her pick out her own clothes while I am in there before she goes to bed (make sure you two get her socks and so on also) everything is going to be already together. When she gets up set a (egg/cooking) timer- tell her she needs to get dressed before it buzzes (smart to put it out of her reach to) On the days she does not get ready in the time limit- take something away or do not allow her to have something (depends on what she really enjoys) for my 8 year old it would be taking away the vtech or not allowing friends over. If she DOES get ready in that time- fix her favorite breakfast or some other positive reward for getting it done..

My kids we have an award system for my 2 and my 8 year old basically a chart with their names on it for when they make their beds, clean their rooms, help mommy clean... They get a star sticker by their name... After so many stars they get to pick their prize... a toy (under a specific prize limit) or we all go out to dinner.. So by the positive reward thing it could either be something that she recieves right then- like the fav breakfast n so on.. Or maybe the sticker method to earn the chuck e cheese or whatever..

As I said though- if you continue the way things are-- daddy does it for me if i don't && mommy plays game where we shout at each other... nothing going to change...

Answer 2

Tough one, been there.
I can tell you what not to do, and that is let the behavior go on, you will have then created a big passive resistant monster.

I had this difficulty most with my youngest child, and I think of all the methods tried positive reinforcement turned out to be the most effective, and even that was not completely successful. **Perhaps let her choose what the "positive" reinforcement is (ie) 1:1 time with you or mom reading a story, a favorite game, a point system that earns something she really enjoys and looks forward to.

You'll need to get Mom on board, she has to be part of the solution; tag team......it's the only way. Even at a very early age children can sense and see the opportunity for "splitting", you've got to to put the nix on that one immediately!

Although, I kinda like the idea about going to school in P.J.'s with matted hair, if the teacher could be included in the "treatment plan" you may really be on to something, and having the teacher in on the deal, may also help with her mother's feelings at the same time. It's worth a try.

Answer 3

Tell her that it isn't fair to make the other children late for school. Say that if she continues to do this, next time when she has to go to a program or a friend's house, the other kids will do the same to her, and follow through. Then she will learn how it feels. This is NOT fair to make the other children late because she won't move quick enough!

Answer 4

you could try laying out her clothes and running water for her to get washed then leaving her to it. maybe tell her if she is ready in say 5 minutes ( beat the clock is quite a good game for wee ones and u can use an alarm) she can choose what to have for breakfast. if it takes her longer she can just have something quick and easy that you get to choose. my kids love hot chocolate and porridge or crumpets, but they know if they take ages to get ready the choice is cereal or cereal!
hope this helps a bit. As a last resort, on occasion i have told the kids that they can be late if they like, but it will be up to them to explain to the teacher why they are late, they would hate to look lazy or silly in front of the teacher. hope this helps a bit. good luck.

Answer 5

I was like this when I was little. Here is a good idea. Go out and buy a big peice of paper and a stopwatch. Put her name on the top. Then explain to her the night before that you are going to time her and when she goes as fast as _____ minutes than she gets a speical prize. Put on some hoilday music to set the tone as well.

Answer 6

First, make sure she's getting enough sleep. An earlier bedtime might be needed if you're having to wake her up in the mornings. Then, just keep physically walking her through the process. Do it calmly, without scolding.

Answer 7

turn on the lights in her room and take away her pillow and covers.if she still wont give up put her in the car the way she is with her pajamas still on and every thing.thats what my mom did once when i was five ,and believe me i learned my lesson! got up on time all through kindergarden.

Answer 8

I don't have any kids for that reason! But, dealing with niece and nephew wasn't easy. Take away their video games. Usually works

Answer 9

my son used to be that way until i told him that if he is sitting on the couch waiting for me when i am ready then he could have computer time that night. if i have to wait on him, no computer, PS2, tv, stereo, etc, after 2 or 3 times he realized i was serious. now, when he is being a slow poke all i have to do is say, "want some computer time tonight?"

Answer 10

Sounds like she still might be tired in the morning if she doesn't want to do anything for herself. Maybe you should make her bedtime a little earlier at night to see if that helps.