Here's the deal. My in-laws have Christmas dinner every year at noon. And every year my kids cry & complain because they want to stay home, in their jammies & play with their new stuff. My husband & I also just want to stay in & not go out. My family has dinner on Christmas Eve, we wanted to go see his parents during the day before my family stuff. The thing is, his mom gets mad if we don't do things her way, no matter what it is, she has to have her way. We go there every Thanksgiving & Easter, we just want to do our own thing on Christmas day. Do you think we should do what we want, even though we know she'll be mad? Or do we just make ourselves go to keep her happy?
2007-12-06 07:41:56 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We can't open the gifts a day early. My kids would wonder why the heck is Santa a day early. Thanks for the suggestion though.
2007-12-06 07:52:49 · update #1
You know what? We no longer go anywhere for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter. Our children want to have memories here at home, they want the nice dinners and memories here and we don't want to get dressed on Christmas day before 2pm. We want them to open their gifts Christmas morning and play and relax all day.
So I tell family and friends, we'd love to see you. Feel free to stop by any time. Period.
We're creating memories with our children. We don't turn anyone away, but we're staying here and enjoying the time. It's their problem, not yours if they don't like it. They shouldn't control you. Time to put your foot down and think of your husband and children first.
You are doing the right thing. Let it go and have a wonderful time with your family!
2007-12-06 09:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a liveable compromise for the MIL would be going over to their house Christmas evening for dinner instead of lunch. That way the kids could play with their toys during the day and then go over to their house for the evening.
Bottom line though is that you should be free to start traditions that work for your family. So if you want to stay home Christmas Day-- stay home. Maybe you could invite the in laws over.
2007-12-06 09:30:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as you and your husband agree with the plans than I would skip the dinner at your inlaws. You have your own family now and you should be able to start your own traditions. Let your mother in law know that it is nothing personal but both you and your husband agreed that you would visit at a later time or another day. See how it goes this year and if it is really difficult on the family consider a compromise for next year. Good Luck!!
2007-12-06 10:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by hazeleyes1279 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's time to think about your kids & what you want and what will make you happy. You & your husband seem to be in agreement so there's no arguement between the two of you. Go wish your mother-in-law a Merry Christmas on Christmas Eve and stay home on Christmas and enjoy your family.
2007-12-06 07:50:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetpea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Provided you do visit them at some point on Christmas Eve, same as you visit your parents, there is no reason to do anything you don't want to do on Christmas Day.
You and your husband are adults and have children of your own. Explain to her that you and hubby want to spend Xmas Day with your kids and will not be leaving the house. If she cannot respect and understand that, she is being selfish and manipulative; getting mad about it would be the equivalent of a child having a temper tantrum because they didn't get their way.
Set your boundaries and defend them rigorously, or people will push and push and you will resent them more and more until you snap one day.
Good luck and Merry Christmas
2007-12-06 07:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by BillyTheKid 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I so hate the Christmas drama (we have those issues too). Let's try and accomodate every single person and run to everyone's house, drag the kids around and still try and have a very merry Christmas. NOT!
Stay home with your kids. Let them know that you guys want to start your own Christmas tradition with the kids and you'd appreciate their support (which you won't get initially). Tell them it's important for you to see them but can you come on Christmas Eve day or if you're up to it - invite them to come to your house Christmas Day. You just have to make that decision together as husband and wife and stick to it. Yep, they're going to be mad as hornets...but they love their son and I'll bet they'll come around. ;)
2007-12-06 07:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by WutheringHeights73 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's important to see your family on Christmas Day. It's unfortunate that your kids get upset but when they are older they will appreciate having spent time with their Grandparents much more than they ever would playing with their toys. Your MIL sounds like a pain but you wouldn't be a good example to your kids if you blew off your family members every year. Try to put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel if your adult children told you they didn't want to visit you on Christmas because they wanted to stay in and do their own thing. There's also a couple of ways to compromise - you could suggest to your mom that they come over to your house instead, or you could open presents at her place.
2007-12-06 08:04:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Wow what a demand she makes
I fully understand the dilemma too...
I would do what you, your husband and your kids want.
Sounds like a lot of people are upset to satisfy one persons demands.
Would it really be that difficult for her to come to your house?
Perhaps you could let her know that you find it really important to spend time with her, and that the kids would love to see her, but that the kids get so upset when they have to be pulled away from their new toys.
This year you would like her to come to your house to see how much fun the kids have with their gifts, and to have 'dinner' at your house.
If she isn't up for that, you could say how unfortunate that is, and the kid will be so disappointed that she didn't want to participate in celebrating Christmas with them. Then suggest that you meet up after the holidays to catch up since she wasn't available to spend time with the children Christmas day.
2007-12-06 07:51:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the new stuff will still be there when you all get home.
But if you want to have a family-at-home day for Christmas, that's your right.
Yes, she'll be mad, but she can't force you. You have the right to do what you want. Tell her you've decided to stay home for Christmas.
2007-12-06 13:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All this just happened at our house, My wife and i for as long as i could remember went to dad and Mom's house for Christmas, when we were kids we always stayed home and visited later in the week but My father and Mother said it was tradition, that's a bunch of BS. your kids as ours must have Christmas in their own homes with their own toys to play with all day, after the toy thing wears down,
then go visit the in laws. kids must have their own Christmas. Parents must know this if they don't that's just too bad.
Merry Christmas Kids we will see Grandpop and grandmom after Christmas Mom and Dad.
2007-12-06 07:49:33 · answer #10 · answered by t-bone 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋