What can a army wife do if her husband is deployed and says he no longer wants to be with her return from Iraq

Question

My sisters husband just told her he doesnt want to stay married with her when he returns from Iraq. (i think he found someone over there. Shes waited faithfully for him)

They have one kid

He says he will give her half the savings account which is like $30,000 total

But he wants to keep their child

What can she do?

He just reenlisted and pretty much wants to give her the shaft.
He says he wants a divorce when he comes back....

this will cut her out of her military benefits.
What can she do?
Or is she stuck to find that after waiting for a year, she has to try starting a new life in the city where he chooses because hes stationed there,
with no education or no job.

Can anyone help.

I told her dont give him the divorce.
Does she have to give him the divorce?

If she doesnt then his housing allowance and medical benefits will still be for the family.

Can someone help here.
Its sad because my sister was good to him.

MEAL TICKET -- they have been married for 8 years?

She just doesnt want to be cheated out of what she has earned for standing by him all these years and taking care of the child.

I dont understand what people are saying when they think She has done something wrong or trying to use him as a meal ticket when she has been faithful and loving and taken care of their child

Answer 1

She needs to go to Jag asap, because it has been only an 8 year Marriage she wont be entitle to any Military Benefits, sadly this has happen to 2 of my closest friends.. Jag of course can only give her a list of off post Lawyers who can help her but they can also tell her what he has to provide for her and the children, as your sister will hear (if living on post) he doesnt have to provide her with anything because she is on post, however if he is the sole provider he must provide enough money for food, bills , ect.
If it were me I would let him file for the divorce if he wants it let him file, the best thing she can is save what ever money she can do not make more bills ( not saying she would), to keep doing the right thing.
She will need to get a job (again not being mean), and try to save as much money as she can and begin looking for a place to live and no she doesnt have to live near him she can go where ever she will get the most support family and job wise.. I wouldnt worry to much about him trying to take the child, unless she is proven to be unfit there is no worries, besides if he did get the baby ( lets just say IF), he will need to have a Family Care plan.. ( AR600-20) and it may or may not be easy for him to get one.

My heart goes out to your sister , but this is the time that she needs to get strong and prepare herself and her child for what is coming next, right now hes over there , He can not file for divorce, make she she doesnt sign ANYTHING..
Honest the best thing she can do is go to Jag, ive been through this with my friends ,but for her she needs to hear it from Jag .. she could contact his chain of command as suggested it will make her husband very upset , but letting his chain of command know wont hurt , if she thinks he is cheating honest without proof there is nothing that can be done.. even with proof its up to the Chain of Command on what they will do.
I am sorry wish I could help more.
God Bless ,
Armywife & Soldier

Answer 2

Sadly enough, this is a common occurrence these days. It does not always mean that he has found someone else, but in most cases, yeah... First of all, because he is deployed, nothing can or will be done until 90 days after he returns. When did he leave? How much longer will he be gone? She should contact JAG to find out exactly what she is entitled to in a divorce. No, he cannot simply take custody of the child when he returns. That will be a issue to be settled by the courts. However, if her family lives somewhere other than where they are currently stationed (different state) then now is a good time for her to move home. Once she finds out what she is entitled to, by either speaking with a JAG or an attorney, she should take half the savings and move home. Get the papers ready to file. While she is waiting for his sorry self to return, she needs to find a job and/or get into college so she can get a good enough job that she can support herself and that child. By moving back to where her family is, she can get help with child care while working or going to school. Also, this will negate the automatic 'she cannot leave the state without his permission' thing that happens now. She is already gone, thus taking that power over her away from him.
The chances of him changing his mind are nil, and even if he does she needs to ask hersself, does she really want him back after he has dumped her like this? Chances are, he only wants her to return so he can stop her from leaving with the child. I know this all sounds cold, but welcome to the world. Divorce and custody issues are an ugly business. She can actually use his deployment and absense against him, request counseling for him before he gets unsupervised visitation.
My advice is for her to get with a JAG or an attorney, find out what her options are, what she is entitled to and get moving. Or, she can take your advice, wait for him to return and hope he changes his mind. Yeah, good luck with that. She will get next to nothing and mostlikely loes custody of her child. She has to get tough and get going now.

Answer 3

I've been deployed six times and have seen it all..Don't let nobody fool you about it being married and how its impossible to get with somebody else during deployment, that happens here ALL the time!

What was she doing the whole time? Playing housewife, collecting money?

OK here's what she needs to do...First things first ,she needs to get a job to show she has income for herself ,because I can guarantee one of the reasons he wants custody is so the Army will continue to pay him BAH and Separate rations and so he can live off post . If she gets custody then she will continue to get paid from him of course. Next, go see the unit Chaplin and make sure he gets involved especially when its involving infidelity..The Army is REALLY strict on that subject (but maybe that's not the case). Finally, since she is still married she's entitled to military benefits so she needs to go speak with JAG about this situation. Tell her to follow these steps and everything will be OK

Answer 4

It depends... If he found someone over there, then it's his perogative. On the other hand, he may feel that since he was fighting he may have been maimed or affected in such a way that she won't love him anymore. If this is the case, he may be trying to end their relationship himself, instead of feeling slowly more and more unrespected.
Your sister must decide for herself what to do, butr I suggest that she wait until he comes home, and then talk to him and try to figure out the question of "why?" Maybe this can clear up confusion or a bad mistake.
Honestly, it's a heartbreaking tale, but stuff like this happens a lot. Though if she's more concerned about losing the benefits of being an "army wife" than about losing the man she loves and potentially her child, then perhaps there were deeply-rooted marriage problems that can't be solved without counseling... or maybe just can't be solved.

Answer 5

I'm not an expert... but... he will more than likely file for divorce once he returns. She could delay this by not signing the papers or what not. But how could he put a price on the child?That child is worth more that 30,000. And 30,000 is not enough for your sister just to give up everything she knows. Do not give up the child with out a fight. If anyone can prove that he as been unfaithful while being deployed then your sister can easily gain full custody. And if I'm correct... the military doesn't look kindly on members who are unfaithful to their partners. But don't quote me on that.
I hope all works out for your sister. No one deserves the pain of losing anyone close.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your friend but I have a friend who was in the same situation somewhat and when he throw her out of the house he hit her so she called the police and it helped that she had evidence of cheating and because he is in the army this will hurt him and they will not promote him for hire rank or he will not get a good job in the future. Tell your friend to stay in the house and keep collecting evidence and try to get all the document that may needs like marriage certificate , his social security number any thing useful , and if he force her to go out the house by hitting her or beating her this is will be a benifit for her to proof that he is violent , if she can do that and let him beat her up , let her contact the police then and they will write a report and they will take her to hospital and write another report and take photos of the browses all this will hurt him . This woman in the military same you can contact her boss if you know how to contact ( make a friend that you trust to bring info about her) and let her commander hear the recording if this is not hurt her this is will ruin her reputation and they will know that she is a slut . Good luck for your friend. Look up on google about what is the penalety for a slodier who abuse his wife and you will get more info

Answer 7

Bless her heart.. just let her know that when he gets home his attitude may be completely different. I know my husband was a JERK while he was in Iraq and it took him over a year just to get out that "mindset". He is still not his "old self", and I know he will never be the person who he was before he left. As far as him getting their child.. he would have to prove that she is mistreating that child and is unfit. Considering HE'S the one who is wanting a divorce, that's going to look really bad on him. I know I had to contact some of my husband's officers above him in regards to his attitude and "comments" while he was over there and even when he got home. They do go through a lot while in war.. but so do the wives. We definitely get the crappy end of the deal too. My prayers are with her...

Answer 8

She doesn't have to do a damn thing! Just stay in Conus and collect every penny the military sends her! Since he wants the divorce and she doesn't he will have to pay for the entire legal costs to initiate the proceedings! He's sounds like another idiot that reenlisted for the bonus and now he wants to cut her out of it! She better withdraw the entire amount and move it to an account with only her name on it,and never ever tell him where it is deposited! She better keep that kid and tell him what kind of a total creep the child's father is later when he/she is old enough to know the difference!

Answer 9

There is nothing you can do, depends where they file, state law will proceed depending on the state and what she could be entitled to, if they have been married less then 10 years not much about benefits for her. Only the child will be covered. The military can do nothing about divorces, it goes by the state the divorce is filed in.

Answer 10

She can not stop him from divorcing her. She can actively work with a lawyer to get her half or she can sit back and let him win.

Once they are divorced she will lose military benefits however his child will not. She may or may not be entitled to a portion of his military retirement depending on how long they were married and which state.

Who ever gets custody will most likely receive child support. She may or may not be entitled to alimony, again depending on the state.

If he gets custody it will pretty much end his military career.

The military will NOT get involved in the divorce as it is a civil matter.