How do I handle this situation?

Question

My son has been experiencing a new desire for God and decided- on his own- to sing with the children's choir at church for Christmas services- of course children's choir is open to all kids- he's 13- he just started last week- and has been practicing- but was told he could only sing one of the songs with them- last night he was so excited about one of the "cool" songs they are going to sing- he asked if he could sing that song too and the choir director told him she noticed he sings off key and it would be better if he lip-synched every song- he cried a ton- and now he doesn't want to sing at all anymore- I tried to tell him that he just started singing/practicing and she's trying to make sure that everything sounds good for the service. I also told him that he shouldn't let others take away his joy of God and he should still practice and participate. I don't know what else to say to him- he was crushed and I don't want him to allow this to hinder his walk with God- help!

Answer 1

sounds like you've already excercised some goo wisdom...let it be the way you've left it....this is a part of life, and he must learn to cope with disappointment...at 13, this is a part of him transitioning into manhood...as a man, he must learn to accept disappointment from time to time...he NEEDS this experience....

the next generation is being crafted into a narcissistic society that expects everything to be handed to them...pls

I pray that the next generation of CHRISTIANS will be able to glorify God through humility, responsibility and selflessness...ALL attributes that absolutly REQUIRE the very experience that your son is facing right now...

God bless!

Answer 2

I would question the priorities of your children's choir director. You could talk with your pastor to see if he/she agrees with the priorities of the choir director. The pastor of the church may not have the same priorities and it would be wrong to judge them and the whole church by the actions of the children's choir director.

I've never been a member of any church, but from what I've heard, the main priority should be to worship and develop a better connection with deity.

After a serious talk with your son, I like the idea of offering some singing lessons. With determination and hard work, he may become very good at singing. But in the meantime, he should be encouraged to express his joy in any way that he wants to. I am one of those folks who can't carry a tune in a bucket. I sing to my deities all of the time. I know it sounds awful, but I think that my gods know what's in my heart and that my effort pleases them. Hopefully, your son will have that understanding about his god too someday.

Answer 3

I agree with Sophia, but before jumping out of that church and into a new one, I would give them a chance to know how you feel, and to change and apologize to your son. You might be able to arrange a meeting with both the choir director and your pastor.

You should be willing to listen and find out exactly what happened to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding by your son...maybe they all don't sing every song so that everyone can do a solo or a smaller group part, sort of so that everyone has a turn in the spotlight. Make sure you know it isn't just that your son is off key.

Bring your Bible and be prepared to tell them what you know about worshipping through music. It is absolutely NOT biblical that a person KNOW HOW TO SING. We are called to lift our voices, period. In fact, singing is just one of many talents that we are blessed with and he might not have that particular talent. It may be your son's testimony that he can bless the choir even if he can't sing. Moses had a speech impediment and look how God used HIM?

I consider myself an excellent singer, and many have agreed with me. I know how my voice works and I know when other people don't sing well...but I can promise you that some of the most moving solos I have ever heard in church were technically terrible. What made them beautiful was hearing their love for God in the song they sang. And knowing that the person probably knew their notes were all wrong and didn't care...they wanted to worship and that was it. Their song was a humble sacrifice, and they summoned all the talent they had to sing it. Jesus said that the woman who threw a couple pennies in the plate gave more than the men who threw in piles of money that they could spare...because the woman gave alll she had. I think that applies to more than just money here...if your son is giving all he has to the choir, and if it brings him joy to sing, then NO one has the right to criticize him for it.

A technical suggestion for your son, if he still wants to participate, is that he should make sure he is assigned to the part that is most appropriate for his voice. I for example am a fabulous alto and a horrible soprano. If I were expected to sing soprano, people would be flying out of the church. And also you can ask the choir director to seat him next to a very kind, very strong singer in his section (that won't be thrown off by your son) that can help him hear his part better.

You might also consider having his hearing checked...I hope there is nothing wrong.

Answer 4

As a kid of 10 to my great embarassment I was rejected from the choir by the choir teacher right infront of all the other kids, boys and girls.. later I ended up singing in choirs in many diferrent countries and by God's grace also well. At his age kids still do not have complete control of their voices and thus they often sing off key, it is like acne which also starts to bother them at that age but is not a permanent problem

Answer 5

Go talk to the choir director and let the person know how much she upset your son. It just surprises me something like that happened. Tell him he should not let someone else take away the joy he fills in singing and that God appreciates his heart. If he wants vocal lesson get them for him. Tell him to keep singing because bring joy to the Lord is the important thing and him singing to praise God bring joy to the Lord.

Answer 6

If I were you I would go and talk to the choir director. If your son wants to sing a song at church he should be allowed to it is not like he is trying out for american Idol. God does not care if someone is off key when they are singing His praises and that is what it should be about, learning to worship to Him and not caring what you sound like!

God Bless!

Answer 7

I would be helping her look for the mill stone that Christ said would be better if it were hung around her neck and cast into the bottom of the sea than to offend one of My little ones.
Oh, that's just about the sadist thing I have heard in a long long time. Right here at Christmas. I would have to confront her, by all means and tell her how He reacted or she will never know otherwise. Such an age to be the most impressionable, in puberty too. I will defiantly pray for the damage she has done and not to allow it to take root. So sorry.

Answer 8

Find a new church. Fast. That sucks!!!!

Almost every choir I've been in has had someone who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket--but the joy of worship that they brought was an encouragement to everyone. If worship is aimed at God, and not impressing an audience, then everyone should be encouraged to participate and celebrated for their contribution.

I'm sorry that happened to your son. It's heartbreaking that people can be so insensitive and hurtful.

Answer 9

The choir director should have told him that he needs more practice and that everybody has had practice it's nothing new. You did the right thing, I'd just pray about it and I hope all goes well, it sounds like you've raised an amazing child.

Answer 10

Greetings to you...
I was raised Christian and had my choir teacher to the same thing to me. It was horrible. At least he told you about it. I was so ashamed (she told me my voice was "offensive to God") that I didn't tell my parents until many years later. I would speak to the director with the pastor present and get to the bottom of this. It would be a shame to taint his faith with such nonsense. Whoever heard of a perfect choir anyway??!!
Blessings to you.

* Side note: I ended up choosing to become a Pagan later in life. The fact of my choir teacher saying such nonsense to me had little effect on this decision, but it was part of a miriad of issues I had with that church/religion. Good luck and remember, nurture FAITH not Religion. ;)

Answer 11

Jenrab,
We are told to "sing and make melody in our hearts to the LORD". The Choir director needs to find a new job and you should make an appointment with the director and one of the preachers or elders to meet and discuss this. ARM YOURSELF with GOD'S WORD and meet them in his behalf. Have a great weekend and a wonderful Holiday.
Thanks,
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