My husband and I bought a new house 5 months ago, and we want to host Christmas in our house this year and let our 2 year old daughter enjoy Christmas here without traveling. We invited the in-laws down for a long visit, and there shouldn't be a problem because they stayed here at least 6 or 7 times this summer. We insist that Christmas Eve and Christmas morning be in our home (because Santa brings our daughter's presents here, not to Grandma's). MIL suddenly decides this isn't good enough and wants us to drive 4 hours out of state to her house for Christmas, even though my husband and I both have to work and our 2 year old daughter is going to be miserable stuck in a car that long on Christmas Day. MIL is crying and guilt tripping my husband about it so much that he is actually sick with nerves and avoiding the phone! Is it so unreasonable to want to host Christmas in our own house, and make the grandparents come to us???? How should we deal with this?
2007-12-06 04:24:23 · 21 answers · asked by Jacqueline D 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't deal with it, it's her problem. Just let it go. Don't take on her problems and don't let it ruin your Christmas. It's going to be fine. Just tell her it's not open for further discussion and that you will be having Christmas at your home. She is more than welcome to come, you'd love to see them, but if she doesn't wish to you understand. Then leave it alone. Don't get sucked into a bunch of trauma drama. Let it go. If your husband is getting all upset over this, don't let it be the focus of conversation every day. It's too stressful.
If she calls again about it, and he's not there, just simply tell her this is the last you wish to discuss it, you mean no disrespect, but that you will NOT be travelling there and that you would appreciate it if she would drop it. Then kindly change the subject or end the call.
Good luck.
2007-12-06 07:04:17 · answer #1 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to sit down and calmly talk this through with each other. Make sure that he is not on the verge of changing his mind just to please his mother. If you both agree that Christmas should be held at your house this year, then one of you will need to step up and call his mother and inform her that you will NOT be travelling to her house for Christmas because you would like to spend Christmas in your new house. Also inform her that you both have to work and that if she would like to see you and your family for the holidays, she will be the one doing the travelling!
Remind her how difficult it is to make such a long road trip when you have to work and have a child in the backseat.
Also, tell her that you and your husband will not tolerate her calling and trying to guilt trip either one of you into changing your plans. If she still continues to call and cry about it, block her number. After a day or two of listening to the recording stating that you are not currently accepting calls, she may get the idea that you are not changing your plans.
I know that blocking her number does sound a little harsh, but it seems to me like someone needs to be harsh with this woman. And, I've had to do it to not only some of my in-laws, but also to my own family!! It can cause more problems, but at the same time, it let my family know that, that particular conversation was over and would not be discussed anymore!
Good luck and enjoy your first Christmas in your new house!
2007-12-06 04:46:59 · answer #2 · answered by terribrooke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's unreasonable at all to want to spend Christmas in your new home!! Has it been pretty much a tradition to spend the day at their house? If so, it's actually understandable that she's upset. Looks as if it's going to be up to you to handle this. I would tell her how much you've all enjoyed spending Christmas with them every year, and that you would really like to continue that tradition...but in your new home. Explain how and why that's important to you. Point out that an important part of traditions is passing them down, and that moving the celebration to your house is the way to do that. You might want to say that you know that hosting Christmas is a lot of work, and that you would like her to teach you how to do it...even if you know what you're doing. Maybe tell them both that you really want to have the family together and that you all really want them to come...but that you'll understand if they feel they can't...and that you'll make the trip to their house when your work schedules will allow. Good luck however you decide to handle this.
2007-12-06 05:16:48 · answer #3 · answered by JACQ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason why you should not hold Christmas at your house this year. I would simply answer the phone (it may be easier for you to do then your husband, he must feel so torn) explain calmly and politely that you and your husband both have to work and don't have alot of time for traveling if you want to enjoy the holiday, and that you are proud of your new home and really want to hold the holiday there this year. Tell her that you woud love to have them there to be part of it, but if they cannot make it you understand and leave it at that. They must learn to respect you and your husbands wants and needs and wishes as well. The first big holiday in a new house is special, maybe they have forgotten that, but don't let their inflexability take that away from you and your family.
Maybe once you take such a firm stand, they will relent. If they don't send them a nice card and gift and enjoy your holiday at home!
2007-12-06 04:36:41 · answer #4 · answered by mrsmommaid 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would just nicely tell your mother-in-law that now that you have a child you feel it is important to start your own holiday traditions with her. Remind your mother-in-law about Christmas mornings when your husband was little and how important they were. It is very selfish of her to give you and your husband a hard time about wanting to spend Christmas morning at your own home with your daughter.
Emphasize to her that she is more than welcome to join you. Maybe you could go visit her the weekend before Christmas if she is not willing to come to your house for Christmas....
My husband's family is large and we all get together Christmas Eve Eve to do Christmas with his parents (we all live in the same town), then everyone has their own family Christmas on Christmas Day.
2007-12-06 04:30:58 · answer #5 · answered by Allison B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is what we do in my family...and it makes things SOOO less stressful. My (widowed) mother alternates spending Christmas with one of us each year for actual Christmas day. We usually do the whole opening presents thing at our home and can spend either Christmas Eve or Christmas dinner with our in-laws. The weekend after, we all get together and celebrate a "family" Christmas. I think 4 hours is much too long of a drive...and if you give in now, you will be doing it for years to come.
2007-12-06 05:25:50 · answer #6 · answered by beaners1229 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. Tell your MIL that your plans have been made and she's welcome to join you at your home, but you will be staying home for Christmas. You just bought a house, and your little one will be opening her gifts in her new house on Christmas morning. Ignore the crying and guilt-tripping. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. I'm sure that when her family was little they stayed home too. Stick to your guns. You are right - she is wrong. As famiies grow, changes have to come. This is your family's time to enjoy special, memorable Christmases together in your home. It's your turn. Enjoy it. Merry Christmas!
2007-12-06 04:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by Bizzybizzy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's your first Christmas in your new house. Stay home. Don't avoid it and just tell her flat out you aren't going to force your daughter to ride in a car that long on Christmas and be miserable when all she really wants to do is stay home and play with all of her new toys. If she wants to come she is welcome and if not then you will have Christmas with them after Christmas if they don't feel like coming.
2007-12-06 04:38:44 · answer #8 · answered by mamabee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't talk to your MIL about this. It might cause more problems. It is your husbands responsibility to talk to his mom about this. He needs to get some backbone. What you are asking is not unreasonable. Your MIL sounds very selfish. Your husband needs to let mom know that the two of you are trying to start your own traditions and of course the grandparents will be invited.
2007-12-06 04:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Dave G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, let your husband see the right side of this, by defining this very thing you just defined for us- it's too stressful on your two year old, as well for you both-and well, just way too much to have to deal with on a holiday.
If he agrees, then he agrees that Christmas should be at your home. As it should be. He should agree- from what I see you have written here, the problem is just getting his mother to agree- but she doesn't have to. It's both of you and your decision.
Tell him that you would rather go to his parents the week after, on New Years, to make your own christmas with them. That way they won't feel left out, he won't feel like he has to choose, etc.
The way to get the whole thing dealt with, is to make your husband see that the choice you all made as a family, is the right choice. Then after you get that discussion sorted out with him, both of you call her. And let her know, that its nothing personal, but in favor of the baby- you rather it be relaxed for all three of you.
If she still doesn't understand. It's her loss. Stick to your guns. Its for the best.
2007-12-06 04:40:08 · answer #10 · answered by mamacandy74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋