I'm a very cool person (I think) i'm not one to hurt peoples feelings, So when i got engaged I had people ask me if they could be my bridesmaids. well now i counted I have 12 bridesmaid and I would love to reduce that to 6-4 how and what do I say to all those people I already said yes to without even thinking.who do i take out. my friends from high school. my cousins or his sisters? I dont know what to do. or should i just have a big bridal party and be a nice person because i know once i kick people out im gonna be the *****. so help please. everyone is paying for their own dress shoes etc.... he only have 4 groomsmen he want to be be in it but i can find 2 more to have a total of 6. please help.
2007-12-06 03:15:00 · 22 answers · asked by Ethan's Mama 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
sorry the date may 3, 2008. that was a typo. sorry
2007-12-06 03:27:58 · update #1
You can be honest with them and let them know that you weren't thinking about things when you said yes. I would say keep his sisters- they will now be family, and talk to the other ones. Let them know that you were excited, but it's gotten out of control, and you would like them to do other jobs during the wedding like a reading. Tell them that it is important to both you and your fiance that your soon -to-be SIL are in the wedding as bridesmaids. I think your friends and family will understand.
2007-12-06 04:15:27 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
May 3, 2005? I'm assuming you meant 2008...
Anyway, you'll have a lot of trouble reducing your bridal party and still having friends afterwards. A way to reduce the people standing up by you for the ceremony is to have "bridesmaids" and "honor attendants." Have the people you can't imagine being without serve as "bridesmaids." Then ask the others to be "honor attendants." If you want, you can even let the honor attendants dress the same as the bridesmaids.
Even taking this route is very risky. You might want to discuss the financial obligations of being a bridesmaids to your bridal party and see if any decide to opt out.
2007-12-06 03:23:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Your best defense is to be considerate of them and explain to them the expenses involved in being a bridesmaid. If they're begging for the role, they probably haven't done it too many times. Do they realize what they're in for? If I'd known about how expensive it would be...that I'd have to take so much time off of work...that I'd have to endure getting my hair done at an exorbitant cost...that I wouldn't be able to sit with my boyfriend because he wasn't in the wedding party....I would have asked if there was a poem I could read or if there was another way to be in the ceremony.Talk with your bridesmaids about what's involved and see what they say.
If nobody "opts out" when you talk to them, just explain that you've had to cut back because your fiance had only 6 close friends he wanted up there with him. Then prioritize your list. I'd recommend cutting....
First: Anyone you aren't close to and won't speak to in a few years....
Second: Those friends who aren't on your "must" list and either live far away or wouldn't probably help with the wedding...technically, bridesmaids are supposed to be there for the bride through the planning, so if you have semi-friend bridesmaids are just going to show up for the rehearsal and main event, consider cutting them. Personally, as a bridesmaid I would feel more honored to actually be there to help rather than just be asked to spend a lot of money on a dress....
2007-12-06 04:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by ay ya 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
yep that suck and yes you are going to get some backlash... I just went throught something similar.
You are going to have to call a meeting, tell them the truth you have a uneven bridal party period. And you would like them all to particapate but you are going to have to make some arrangments and you are sorry if it hurts everyone feelings.
However you still want everyone there to particapate on your special day.
so you need to nix 6 girls ok ... new positions avaliable.
if they already bought their dresses tell them you still want them to wear them so they can be reconized as part of the bridal party.
guest book attendant :
helps people sign in
mistress of ceromony
she helps people understand where they are going and what is next and makes a speach
lady in waiting
she is a personal attendant for the bridal party. and make sure that all hair and make up is in place her job is to pay attention to the tinest details. she is there for the photos and makes sure the bridal party is on point even in photos and that the dresses are hanging just right.
cooridantor this can be a team or threesom.
these girls make sure that your wishes for the reception and other stuff is carried out as you have planned and handle issues between vendors and decorators while you are busy getting ready.
greeter/welcomer.
welcomes the guest gives them a program.
and if anyone throws a hissy fit. and I am sure one will
just remember
those who matter won't care, those who care won't matter.
2007-12-06 04:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by la de da 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well yoiu could either keep them all. It doesn't matter that he only has 4 groomsmen. Or you could pick the ones that you really want and just explain to the others that your fiance only found 4 so you have to go with four. If they are truly your friends they will understand. Just make sure that you don't say it mean at all. May 3, 2005? Good Luck with everything and congrats
2007-12-06 03:29:12 · answer #5 · answered by amrolraml 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I guess I would originally have said to think about it before you asked people. If you start kicking people out now, you are going to have a lot of hurt feelings. A bridal party with 12 bridesmaids is huge though. You are going to have to do some soul searching and weight the pros and cons for yourself.
2007-12-06 03:20:47 · answer #6 · answered by vaya 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
First of all you shouldn't have even said yes when people asked. Them asking you is very tacky because it's your job to chose your brides maids. Second, this is YOUR wedding and you have to decide who YOU want. Don't decide due to family relations or who you've known longer. Decide who you want to be by your side on your wedding day. This is the most important and beautiful day of your life. And just because they're not in the wedding doesn't mean that they won't be there as a guest. Your wedding party should be those who you love as friends or as family.
2007-12-06 03:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
People should not ask to be in the wedding. Make a list of the people you would ask if you were making the plans, and ask them. Contact the other ones immediately (so they don't hear it thru gossip) and tell them you realized that you were starting to plan a much bigger wedding than you want to have, and that you hope they'll attend as a guest and a friend.
The wedding is the start of your marriage, so the bridesmaid to keep are his sisters then your cousins starting with the ones you're personally closest to.
2007-12-06 03:34:35 · answer #8 · answered by noname 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well, it's pretty forward, in my humble opinion, for someone to ask the bride-to-be if they may be in her wedding. The bride is the one who is supposed to be doing the asking in the first place. You probably should have replied to that question, with..."I really don't know exactly what our plans are yet and I''ll have to get back to you on that". But as you didn't, I think you are probably stuck with 12 bridesmaids. I really don't think it matters if you have the same number of groomsmen or not, just don't have them process or recess in pairs and it will be fine. And, the bright side of this is that you are fortunate indeed, to have so many friends who think so highly of you that they wish to be in your wedding. So, have the 12 bridesmaids and enjoy!! Happy wedding!!!
2007-12-06 03:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by judithia 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Explain to them that you now have too many in the bridal party and realized that you have to cut it back to 5 or so due to cost. They should understand. Also, depending on how close you are with these friends from high school or his sisters....I'd ditch em if they aren't close.
2007-12-06 05:47:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋