how to deal with a difficult toddler????

Question

My 21 month old has a VERY difficult personality. He is loving and sweet - on his own terms- but can also be very mean. He will reach up and scratch my face for no reason. Or will go and bite the crap out of his brother. We punish him - he stops for the moment- but may strike at any time....

My main issue right now is that I can't even leave the room w/ out him freaking out. He is REALLY attached to me and wants me right by his side all the time but - he is so difficult that I cant get anything done. I work from home and as soon as I sit down at my desk - he freaks out!!!

What can I do??? How can I get this child to give me some breathing room. He does not behave this way with anybody but me. He is Daddy's angel and is perfect at daycare (he goes 2 days a week).... so what am I doing wrong????

Please - good advice only- I dont need anybody being critical of my parenting.... Im doing the best I can .... just having a bit of a hard time right now.

Thanks!

Answer 1

My son is 4 now - and I still have this problem. I have tried talking to him, ignoring him, spanking (I don't want to hear it) - EVERYTHING - some things work sometimes, but nothing works consistently. My mother-in-law just gave a book that I've only read a little so far. It's called the New Strong Willed Child. It's semi-religious (and believe me, I am not too religious and was skeptical at first), but the descriptions of behavior fit my son so well. Your situation sounds similar to my son. I don't know yet if my son could be classified as "strong-willed" so I don't have any great advice. Maybe look online about strong-willed children. But I do know what you are going through - sometimes it's so frustrating!! Good luck with your son!

Answer 2

Observe how Dad handles him, if you can observe the discipline at day care, then use the same methods. Indeed some children are more difficult, and you are the closest person he knows. He may react well if you continue what others are doing to which he already reacts in positive manner. Spend some time loving and affirming him,at a time of day when you can manage a little free time just for him, you are the Mom and he loves and needs you the most. When you need time to work, give him "his work time" to play with toys or whatever he does at Daycare to do on his own, like big boy
and praise him when he does . No criticism intended. It is indeed difficult for the Mom,having a house to keep and children to take care of and work, you are multitasking. Make some time for yourself as well it is important, for you to be well

Answer 3

Well first of all parenting is never easy so don't feel bad about having a hard time.

My question: Are you reacting to his freak outs?

It seems like you are. If he freaks out when you sit at your desk, ignore him. As long as he is in a safe enviroment and can't hurt himself, just let him go. That's the only way to break this cycle. It's tough because we don't like to hear our children cry, especially if he is the baby of the family. I had to do this with my now 3 year old and after a few times, it really works. They learn that those actions get norewards.

As far as biting, boy is that a tough one. It's one way that 2 year old can fear like they have power.
Try different ways to enpower him on your terms. Like:
Let him pick out his clothes
Let him pick out dinner once in a while
Let him choose a fun activity the two of you do on a non- daycare day.
Let him choose his punishment when appropriate.

My now four year old had aterrible biting issue, it was only resolved by his daycare provider making him play alone for a day. It seemed cruel, but boy was it ever effective.
You might also want to try putting soap in his mouth for biting.

Lastly, try to never punish physical wrongdoings, like hitting and biting with physical punishments. Like don't slap his hand if he hits you in the face.

Good luck. It has to get better right?

Answer 4

I have a difficult 2 year old and I also work from home. My daughter goes to daycare two days a week and is an angel. She is also really good when her dad is around. I think my problem is that she is not getting enough attention from me when she is good. I always pay attention when she is bad. I started taking more time out of my day to play with her one on one. Her dad doesn't worry about household chores so when he is with her they are playing. This helped us, but it takes effort. Also, when she is acting out I don't give her attention, i just tell her to calm down and tell me what she needs or I can't talk to her. She has a very large vocabulary and can vocalize whatever she wants if she can just calm down. Good luck.

Answer 5

Give him time outs and stick with it. Children will test your boundaries constantly. If you say you are going to put him in his room for misbehaving...don't back down. Do it. Explain to him that this type of behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it. Stick to your word. Dont' make idle threats on punishment (time outs). If he misbehaves, follow through and give him the time out.
As for the separation anxiety, make sure that you have a set time to spend some real quality time with your child without distractions. Meaning...no business, no phone calls, nothing else. Your primary focus should be on your child. This way, he will know he has all of your attention. Get a routine going, such as...1 hour a day, that you and your child spend doing things together. This way he isn't vying for your attention. He knows he has it and will feel more secure in that knowledge that you actually do love and care for him. Explain to him that you need to take care of some grown up stuff too, so that you get to have special one on one time with him and are able to buy food and toys and clothes for him. He isn't too young to understand this. Children are much more intelligent than most adults give them credit for.

Answer 6

You have to set up boundries, and limitations that he should follow and be able to understand. Remain calm with him, but stern, and it is imparitive you stick to it. He needs to learn that he can't get you to react from him wanting negative attention.

On the flip side. Find him something to "help mommy" do...children his age need to feel important, and LOVE to help. This could change his need for negative attention into a positive thing. Even if its a simple task. Phrase it as "(Name) would you like to help me?" "Mommy loves when you help." If hes good about it, pour on the praises.

At daycare he gets constant interaction from the adults, and also may be picking up negative behaviors from other kids, which is normal. But the thing to remember is you have to stay consistant in your home. You and your husband need to come up with a plan, and use the same parenting methods. Your son may realize he can't get away with things when dad is around. But once dad is gone to work, hes going to try to control the situation.

I wish you the best of luck :) It will get better..

Answer 7

What is Dad doing that makes him listen? Maybe it's the stern voice he uses? Try looking him directly in the eyes and using a very hard voice (I don't mean a yell) when you try to discipline him. If you keep this up, he will understand that you mean business and after some time he will start to listen to you. This also means though, that you can't spoil him what so ever. Not saying you are. But in order for you to get his respect you need to be the mean parent for a bit.

Answer 8

feels like a pair of issues are happening a million- you dont' carry on with via (in case you assert no, you advise no. bypass over there and make her behave) 2 - you enable her get her way too usually (won't bypass in her pushchair. tell her the two she has to stroll or sit down interior the pushchair, fairly giving in and wearing her) 3 - you at the instant are not final calm and useful of your self (in case you already know what you assert is optimal and you have faith your judgements, she wont' be waiting to sway you so truthfully) She is likewise 3. may well be a complicated age. it somewhat is as much as you to self-discipline her (respectfully) and carry on with via with outcomes.

Answer 9

I think you are giving him too much attention and he knows he can get his way with you easy. You have to be firm with him and tell him his wrong when he is. When he doesn't listen make him seat in a naughty spot until he is sorry for what he has done. It will take a while for him to change but you have to be firm with him when he is being naughty.

Answer 10

When he "freaks out" simply walk away, into another room. Don't say anything, just walk away. He's learned how to pull your strings and push your buttons. Silent treatment will give him something to think about. No harm, no foul.

good luck