I have been married for 6 years. My husband and I have 3 children, two of whom are very young. Every holiday we have a problem with my in-laws "planning" our day for us and not discussing the plans with us so we can have input. At Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law called and invited us and my parents/brother to dinner at her house. I thanked her for the invitation but indicated that I did not think my parents and brother would be comfortable with that arrangement and then invited them (all of them...mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nephew) to celebrate with us at our house. I thought everyone would be more comfortable with that. She did not answer and said we would discuss it later. We never discussed it. A few days before Thanksgiving, she informed me that dinner would be at 1:00 and that she had already done the grocery shopping. Then she was offended when my parents declined her invitation and we cooked a separate dinner at my house. Christmas, the same.
2007-12-06 02:06:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stand your ground, but also compromise. Do one holiday at her house and one at yours - alternate holidays. Since you are all family - your parents/brother are going to have to start feeling comfortable having an occassional holiday at your in-law's home. It's not right to completely shut her out of the picture! Remember your HUSBAND - what about his holiday and what his family feels comfortable doing - it can't be all about what you and your family likes. SO - this is the part where you say "yeah, we need to SHARE - so we will alternate holidays with my in-laws"
2007-12-06 02:34:12 · answer #1 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually she did discuss her plans with you when she called and invited you an your parents to her house. Your Mother in Law was being very considerate in inviting your parents to her home for the Holidays.
You should have asked your parents to come before declining. Then you all could have taken turns having dinner each time that there was a family get together.
Don't you think your kids would have enjoyed having both sets of Grandparents together while they opened their gifts and at dinner?
Families are so much more complete when you include all members of each of your families.
Also you had the perfect opportunity to go to only one place on the Holidays and seen everyone at the same time.....Perfect!!
Apologize to MIL and try again this Christmas please, for you Kid's sake and your own sanity .
2007-12-06 02:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by MyMxboys is an *old bag too* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is your husband in all this and why isn't he handling his overbearing mother?
You and your husband need to sit down first, and decide what to do. I would suggest you all decide which family will come first this Christmas an which family will come second. By that I mean which family gets first crack at a certain time to celebrate. If you decide your family gets first pick and they say Christmas at 10 am, then your husband's family has to pick a time several hours later.
It's a shame that people have to be so selfish during a season where we are supposed to be giving and generous. Maybe one family can get together on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas Day. People need to learn to compromise and realize that there are other people involved and they should be given the opportunity to help with scheduling.
2007-12-06 02:36:44 · answer #3 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who are you to speak for your parents? You could have at least asked them and extended her inviation to them and then let them decide whether they wanted to go or not. The two families are now forever joined and they should act accordingly.
2007-12-06 02:10:42 · answer #4 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i where u , i plan advance n give of notice too that every year i be going for holiday.Is plain boring for her to arrange,is time u step out or stagnant,ya!/ (=
2007-12-06 02:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by angelsoft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋