My boyfriend and I have a 13 month old son and bf works 7 days a week every week (with few exceptions). He says that our son "understands daddy has a schedule too and is just going to work". When daddy is home, our son cries when he walks away, goes to the bathroom, puts him down, etc. I say that him not being around (and tired when he is) is really affecting our son. It isn't necessary for him to work 7 days every week. Am I being too protective, or is this really affecting our son?
2007-12-06 01:55:18 · 7 answers · asked by carrie n 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My husband goes away for a year at a time (military). Of course, when he's home the children cling to them, but if that's the way life is they'll adjust. Children are very adaptable. If that's the only thing your son ever knows, then he'll be fine with it.
2007-12-06 02:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by Denise S 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that your son loves his daddy and wants to be with him. If your BF can show him the attention in a positive loving way, even if it is only for a short time, your son will be the better for it. If you are the main caregiver, it is only natural for your baby to cling to him. My husband is gone 3weeks out of the month, every month, and when daddy comes home, well I may as well be a turd on the end of a stick.
If your BF is doing all of this work to put his family in a better position, relieve financial stress, and for all the right reasons, you can only support that. Your son will learn the routine, and will be fine with the quality time he gets with his daddy. If it is a run away ruse, so he doesn't have to deal with the responsibilities, then you have more things to talk about.
Your son will be fine. And you can use the time they are together to maybe take a shower alone, I know that is the one thing I treasure when my husband is home. The bathroom privacy!! That doesn't happen with a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old very often!!
2007-12-06 03:43:12 · answer #2 · answered by frameliner 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband was gone for a year, and it has had a serious impact on the kids. My youngest was 12 months when he left and 24 months when he returned. It was hell for me, but it was rough for the kids because they didn't get that rough Daddy play. I played rough with them (when I wasn't too tired, which was . . . umm, never). I just couldn't do it the way my husband does it. My older child says that with Daddy, she can "climb up him like a ladder and slide down the slide." He also plays a mean game of "I'm gonna get you." He just has things to offer that I can't provide in the same way.
That said, children have been raised like that throughout history. Not all kids, but it's not unusual. One suggestion that is working well for us now is to let your son spend part of the night sleeping in your bed.
Whatever you and your boyfriend decide, just make sure that you spend lots of time talking about Daddy to your son. Tell him things like "I know you can't wait to play with Daddy!" "Daddy loves you so much." Give him a picture that he can kiss before he goes to sleep.
Make sure that you are getting the support you need. Swap babysitting with someone so you can have some time to yourself or something like that. It is very hard to be the one taking care of the children all the time. Most of the guys around here say that it's harder to be the parent that stays home than it is to be the parent who deploys to a war zone. Seriously, make sure you have help. Humans are not meant to be totally independent. We're made to depend on our families, neighbors and friends.
2007-12-06 06:11:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it is affecting him. My husband works a whole lot, but he makes it a point to try make time for our kids. You're his mother, so you're going to notice small things like that. I'd suggest sitting him down and trying to come up with a compromise. I'll say this though, you don't want for him ( your son ) to get used to the fact that daddy is working all of the time. Then, you'll know it's too late for a relationship.
I'd like to add this note: To the poster that said ya'll not being married has an effect on your kid, they need to grow up and move into the 21st century. That has nothing to do with your question and they're just trying to make one of those moral statements!
2007-12-06 04:17:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think thats actually a good sign that your son cries when he goes away. Versus being indifferent. Sort of signals that there is a bond there.
However, you somewhat imply by the tiredness that its not quality time being spent with your son. Id be most concerned about that. And look at flexibility for how work could be cut down.
2007-12-06 02:01:18 · answer #5 · answered by lillilou 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's obviously affecting your son.
2007-12-06 03:18:20 · answer #6 · answered by Level 7 is Best 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't know but not being married is going to affect him too......
Sounds like you have couple of issue stacked on top of each other which is causing you and the baby stress- not just the working situation.
2007-12-06 02:27:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋