My best friend somehow always ends up paying for herself. She is broke (a poor Walmart employee saving up for college). She's had to end several relationships b/c they guy kept taking her to restaurants & she finally couldn't afford it anymore.
How did it become common for the woman to pay? I have asked all my guy friends & they all think if a guy never pays for the girl, you are just two friends hanging out & it isn't a date. I know I'd feel quite comfortable explaining that I'd rather go out Tues b/c I like to have my date nights on Fri/Sat. I'd also discuss w/ a guy friend restaurant choices & suggesting much cheaper alternatives.
Women's lib people say you should offer to split it. Being from the south, the guys would blow you off & that would be it. They would pay. But on a first date, if the guy doesn't pay--is it a date? B/c for years that was my way of determining if he was into me. A casual wanna grab food? He just hungry, I paid for mine. A date he paid. Thoughts anyone?
2007-12-06 01:27:23 · 48 answers · asked by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am married so this is not personal, more just to see others (non-southern) opinions on this. Please also mention where you are from with your opinion.
2007-12-06 01:28:50 · update #1
I think any guy who doesn't at least offer to pay is a pig, and doesn't deserve your friend anyway.
2007-12-06 01:30:01 · answer #1 · answered by Pascal 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Being from the south as well, I'm not too sure how helpful you'll find my opinion, LOL!
I've always been a very old-fashioned, traditional girl. I was brought up believing that when a guy asks a girl out, he should always at least offer to pay because it would be the gentlemanly thing to do. Of course, if the two are just friends there are exceptions. But when a guy asks a girl out with the intention of going on a date, he should pay. Especially on a first date. There are more than likely people out there who will say something along the lines of this being the 21st century, women having jobs now, and being able to pay for themselves. However, I don't think that's the point. Man has an instinct to be a provider and that instinct is looked at as chivalrous. Just because a woman has a job doesn't mean a man can't be a gentleman, IMO.
2007-12-06 01:48:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok here's my philosophy. Anyone can pay for a date. Now on the first date I believe it should be the person that did the asking. On the second date either. When and if the two become an item at that point I think a nice system of switching off works well, one pays one week, the other the following; that also works great if they get paid on opposite weeks from each other.
Only after they are engaged do I think actual splitting should occur.
2007-12-07 02:51:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I grew up in the northern panhandle of WV, 2 miles from Ohio, less than 20 miles from Pennsylvania, so the culture where I grew up was much more like OH and PA than the foothills of WV.
Anyway, I always believed and was taught that whoever asked for the date was the one who payed... For instance if the girl initiated the date, then she payed for both parties. If the guy asked the girl out, then he payed.
I personally was not a girl who was comfortable asking guys out and I did generally offer to pay, at least occasionally, and ever 3 or 4 dates I would always plan a date on my own and make sure everything was payed for. Being traditional doesn't mean you have to be a user.
But in your friend's situation, maybe these guys see her in a plantonic way, or maybe she is just too insistant on paying for herself. I would not continue to date someone who constantly went dutch.
2007-12-06 02:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by vanessa 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The man pays for the date or he isn't worth dating. None of the men I know would EVER allow a date to pay! If he can't afford it, he should do something cheaper with her, like rent a film. A lot of people might not agree, but I've never paid on a date. If I did it would be the last.
If it turns into a serious relationship, I'll pay sometimes.
2007-12-06 01:51:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the man should pay for 1st. It maybe old fashion . But I think he says the mood . If it's a friend friend date only friend it ok to go dutch. Not a southern person . Ibthink it is more a universal . And he should be willing to . Start out right I guess. if he don't he looks like a bum. Even if he's not he will look like a cheap bum. It's just also more romantic.
2016-08-18 00:18:54 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who asked who out? That would be a general consensus. That person wants to take the other out there for he or she should pay. Women's lib dictates we should go in half. I say that whoever wants to pay should pay and be done. Some people who can't afford to go out to eat all the time should tell the other they really can't because money is tight right now. Maybe that will settle the tension on who should pay.
2007-12-06 01:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by jeanie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on the individual. Some men would prefer to pay for the first date and would be offended if the woman tried to pay for her meal. However; I feel like if I ask someone out to dinner then since I'm inviting them I would (not should) pay. But if its just a random female and you just happened to be out together and ended up getting something to eat then she should be able to pay for her own meal. After all women want equal rights; correct?
Im from up north by the way.
2007-12-06 01:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by dirk d 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a man, If i come up with the suggestion for the date then yeah I will pay. If she says something reasonable like movies or carnival than It is appropriate for the male to pay. Appropriate is $20 dollars or less. I believe in not spending over $20 dollars until the relationship becomes serious because you could make a girl uncomfortable in a way that she owes you something for the attention your giving her. As long as she isn't expecting him to pay for lobster dinners or is acting like she is in it just for the meal, then the man should always pay , unless he to his a broke college student. Then they both need to hit up a dollar value meal. They are usually located in Walmart's now a days.
2007-12-06 01:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've always felt the person that does the asking should pay for the first few dates. When it becomes a relationship - beyond just dating - the cost should be split equitably - that is, in a situation like your friend's where one person makes substantially less than the other, the person earning less shouldn't be expected to contribute in equal proportion monetarily.
2007-12-06 01:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by LoFlo 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that the guy should pay, but the girl should at least offer to pay her half. If the guy refuses to let the girl pay, then it's a date. I'm living in North Carolina, but am from California.
2007-12-08 11:55:21 · answer #11 · answered by Maria 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋