Potty Training punishment??

Question

My bf stays home during the day and watches our daughter, as well as my son, from a previous relationship, and works at night. My son turned 3 in July and we have been working with him on potty training for quiet some time now. He will pee in the potty but is having trouble going #2 and sometimes has accidents in his pull up, at school and at home.

My bf thinks that since he is over 3 years old, that he should have mastered this by now, and shouldnt be having accidents. Well, last night, my son had a accident and my bf became very angry (he also had an accident earlier in the day at my bf's sisters and refused to give him a 'promised' candy bar) He grabbed my son by his shirt collar and started yelling in his face that 'he was old enough to poop in the potty and there was NO reason to have accidents'

I can understand being fustrated, as I feel the same way, but I have NEVER punished him for having a accident, and my bf thinks i'm too 'soft' on him. Am I soft? Or is he to harsh?

Answer 1

Well, there are two main issues here - the reason your son was punished, and the kind of punishment he received.
Grabbing your son by the shirt collar and yelling in his face is abuse - period. I hope you made it clear exactly what will happen if he ever touches your baby like that again.
Your son is not being lazy or disobedient when he has an accident. Even older toddlers have accidents from time to time after being potty trained. Potty training is a learning process which some kids get faster than others. After all, if your son struggles with math when he's older even after trying his hardest, are you going to punish him? I sincerely hope not.
I hope Prince Charming realizes that by intimidating the child for having an accident, he's setting potty training back even more. If he continues to have such outbursts, your son may suffer significant emotional damage.
How involved is the school with training him? Make sure they are on board and are working with them.
Now, I'll tell you how we trained our son when he was two. All kids are different, so it might not work. But it sounds like you've been working for quite awhile with little success, so it may be worth a try.
First, we ditched the pull ups. They're nothing more than big kid diapers, which makes it far too easy for kids to have an accident in them. Instead, get cloth training pants. You can find them at Target for not very much. They're basically just underwear with a little extra padding to catch leaks. You can also get ones that have a plastic lining on the outside for extra protection. Let your son pick out some fun designs, so he'll want to wear them and keep them dry.
Next, put him on the potty every half hour, and do dry pants checks in between every 15 minutes. If your son has an accident, don't yell or punish him. Instead, ask him where he is supposed to go potty - make sure he answers correctly. Take him to the potty, and have him go through all of the steps - have him pull down his pants, sit down, stay there for a minute or so, pull up his wet pants, flush, and wash his hands. Then, return again to the spot where he had the accident. Ask him again if that's where he's supposed to go potty, and where he should go when he has to use the potty - again, make sure he answers correctly. Once again return to the bathroom, and have him repeat the steps once more. However, give him dry pants to put on the second time around. Also, involve him in any cleaning up after he has an accident. This will reinforce that he is only supposed to use the potty, that he is in control of his bodily functions, and he's a big boy who can do it himself.
When he does have success, make sure you give him plenty of praise. I really don't like the idea of giving cookies or candy for potty training (not only does all of that sugar add up, but it reminds me of training a dog). For my son, the best reward was singing the "We Did It!" song from Dora, only it was "He Did It" with lyrics about him using the potty. It sounds ridiculous, but we used what worked.
Using this method, my son was potty trained just before his second birthday. It took us three days from start to finish. By the end of the week, he was able to trade in his training pants for tiny boxers.
The key is consistency and patience. Good luck!

Answer 2

Potty Training Punishment

Answer 3

1

Answer 4

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Potty Training punishment??
My bf stays home during the day and watches our daughter, as well as my son, from a previous relationship, and works at night. My son turned 3 in July and we have been working with him on potty training for quiet some time now. He will pee in the potty but is having trouble going #2 and sometimes...

Answer 5

Some psychologists believe that how we are potty trained has an affect on our lives as adults. There is no reason to punish your child for having an "accident". It was just that, an accident. Believe me, he didn't want it to happen. BF needs to be more patient and understanding and not to make unreal expections of such a young child. Due to the guidelines of this forum I can't really say what I would like to about bf, but I will try.

BF, do you think it is appropriate to traumatize your child for such an insignificant event as having a potty accident at 3 or 4 years old? If you react this way now, how will you react when he reaches the age of 14 and really trys your patience. You need to get counseling now, before it is too late.

Answer 6

Your bf over reacted. Your 3 year old is trying. (by using the potty for #1) Try positive reinforcement, if he has an "accident" clean him and take the pull-up, empty it into the potty - and then explain that - just like #1, #2 belongs in the potty. It might also help - if you and your bf - as strange as it sounds - announce when you have to go #2 and then tell your 3 year old where you're going to do it.

As for grabbing your son by the collar and yelling in his face, what is he doing to the boy when you are not at home? Maybe there is a reason your 3 year old is having a difficult time with #2. You need to address this - before things get out of hand.

Answer 7

He's apparently not fully ready yet. I'd reward him for when he goes in the potty and praise him like crazy! But if he goes in his pull up, don't yell or scream just remind him that when he feels the urge to go he needs to tell someone so he can get on the potty.

My sister did this and even bribed my niece with candy etc and rewarded her when she went on the potty. When she would still have accidents, my sister was very stearn (but not mean) and reminded her that "big girls" go on the potty and be sure to tell someone when you have to go.

Your boyfriend is only going to scare him and possibly make him revert and not want to use the potty. The whole thing should be a positive experience for him. Either way, grabbing a 3 yr old and screaming in his face is not acceptable, under ANY circumstances.

Also, try keeping him whenever possible in "big boy" underware, not a pull up. Save those for at night etc.

Answer 8

Does your little one look interested in the potty-chair or toilet, or in wearing underwear?
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Answer 9

boys normally start potty training later than girls.
you shouldnt punish him for "accidents" as he is still learning.Encouragement and positive rewards such as stickers or praise or even lollipops are the way forward.
Shouting at him for accidents will make him regress to accidents again and make frightened to tell you hes had an accident.
I dont think you are being to soft and your boyfriend is being to hard on your son.

Have a little chat with your son and explain in his words easily understood why you would like him to tell you when he has accidents and see if there is anything that he might like to help him.

My daughter went straight on a toddler toilet seat on an adult toilet ,she didnt like potties.

Answer 10

Your son just might not be ready yet.

Your bf is being way too hard on him. Punishing him will only make it worse. Much worse. Please explain that to him.

I think you should give your son another few months, he will get it when he is ready. And, maybe you should be the one to potty train him, since your BF has some anger issues, which won't translate well when potty training your son. Scaring him into it, is just going to cause problems down the line, so my advice is to wait until he is ready.