My mother has heard horror stories about nursing homes. Her hairdresser said she has to go every evening to feed her mother as the staff doesn't have time. Some friends said the more visitors you have the better care you get. Another person told her if you always have candy or cookies to pass out to the staff they come in your room more often to "check on you". Mom is afraid that when the time comes she will be neglated or abused. How do we answer her? The few visits we've had to different homes we've seen people sitting around in chairs staring at walls or appearing to be doped up.
2007-12-05 23:42:14 · 6 answers · asked by twin_fawn_acres 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just had a friend pass away who spent his last days in a nursing home. Some of the nurses, came to his funeral.
There is no good answer for caring for those who no longer can be cared for at home. He was in pain and completely incontinent, and as much as his family tried, they couldn't handle the mess involved. I found the home somewhat frightening, no one want to wind up in that situation. But it was clean and pleasant and yes there were many people in wheelchairs looking spaced out. But isn't that better than being in bed? At least they were up. And many people with the issues that the elderly have, are self destructive. Medicating them is for their benefit, not the home. What's the difference between staring at a wall and staring at TV? What do you want them to be doing?
You can keep your mothers fear at a minimum by choosing a home close to you, and one that has a good selection of people her age. A nursing home is not a hospital, its a place where you live because you no longer can live alone or with someone else. Yes there are those who neglect or abuse patients, but there are more that never do anything like that. You, the family, are responsible for keeping her a part of the family and for making sure she has things to do. That's not the nurses or attendents responsibility, that's yours.
If you are in constant communication with her, then you won't have to fear her being abused, or neglected. Its not easy, it will change your life, but its up to you to reassure your mother that you will be there for her.
2007-12-06 00:01:55 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Every nursing home is like any other business, there's good ones and there's bad ones. Visit nursing homes, ask for tours and what the outcome is from the State evaluations.
And as for negative feedback from people, some people just like to gripe and over exaggerate and make it seem like they have to do all the work.
2007-12-06 09:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That has to be a scary prospect. We faced the same dilemma several years ago with my own mother. I would have scooped her up in a heartbeat and brought her home with me, but it wouldn't have been possible for me to care for her here. The best advice I could give for any family in that situation is to visit potential nursing homes themselves, unannounced, and various times of the day, mealtimes in particular. Talk to people who have family members in them. And talk with the agency in your state who regulates such places, and ask to see information on them. They should have copies of inspection reports which give a lot of information.
Above all else, let your mother know that if the time comes when she can't speak for herself, you'll be there as her voice, looking out for her best interests. Hopefully that will set her mind at ease.
2007-12-06 07:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by N L 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's important that your mother visi he home before she goes. Try your best to let her pick the one that she wants to got to, and I suggest showing her ones that are not so populated, that way she can get more attention. also, point out the positive facts about the nursing home, and talk to the director if she can do a sample stay for a week and see ow she likes it.
Best of luck and tell your mother that people are thinking about her!
2007-12-06 07:49:35 · answer #4 · answered by Beakin 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Keep looking there are some good ones out there. If she is not that bad yet why not look into independent living for her. These places you live on your own but there is always someone in the building to come and help if you need it, they have emergency buttons for them. My grandma lives in very nice place and still has a little independence she does not have to cook they have a dining room that serves meals. just look into it. good luck
2007-12-06 07:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by Mary B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
find another nursing home that she likes and visit it before and talk to the people there she has to get comfortable with her new surroundings
2007-12-06 07:51:25 · answer #6 · answered by jim m 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋