am i mean? ?

Question

my mom said i am mean because im not spending much on my daughter this xmas because she has lost 3 mobil phones i have brought 4 her .i warned her that if she lost the last 1 she would have the value deducted from her xmas money...iv done it caus i think she has 2 learn that it all costs me money.........i feel bad but feel i have 2 stick 2 my guns........so what do you think?.......and my daughter is 10!

you ask why my 10yr old has a phone......1 she plays out & i like 2 no what she is doing.2...there are 2 many freaks walking the streets&id like 2 think if she needs help she can ring someone.....surly thats not being soft!

1 more thing...she not spoilt.......she has 2 help out round house,if she naughty she is smacked....wether you think bad or good thats4me 2say,she has been grounded now 4 almost a month,had her tv n stuff taken away.most kids her age have the luxurys she has...its the year 2007...thing change from wen i was a kid!

Answer 1

Good on yer gal......to many soft parents these days...!

Answer 2

Dont feel bad. You are her mother, and you have every right to teach her a lesson. How can she lose so many phones. Maybe she will learn by this. Whatever you do, dont give in to her, cos if you do, she will continue this behaviour. She needs to learn that every phone she has ever lost is money thrown down the drain. Teach her a valuable lesson. No offence but why does a 10 year old need a mobile phone anywhere? It is not a neccesity for her at this age. She continues to lose her phone because you have to understand that a 10 year old child has no buisness of owning a mobile phone, and they also dont know how to appreciate it. Let her be a child, and maybe later on down the track when she is old enough to understand the value of things she will appreciate it more.

Answer 3

At 10 she probably should not have a mobile seeing as you hear all these stories of kids talking to people they dont know and all sorts of untoward things happening and at 10 I do not feel children are responsible enough to understand these types of things so I do think you are putting her at risk by allowing her to have one at such a young age. However I do not know the background to this and whether you have made her aware of the dangers or if you have strict rules about its use so I cannot really make a comment on that but as for you being mean then no I dont think you are. Children need to learn the value of things and that these things do cost money and by sticking to your guns you are going to teach her this.

Answer 4

No, you are right to do this, children do not know the value of money and will not learn unless a parent teaches them. I think you are doing the right thing, explaining to her why this is happening is wise as well, at least you are explaining this to her rather than just giving out the punishment. She needs to learn and you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes! I know this is probably making you feel really guilty but you know you are doing the right thing, so stick to your guns. Simply tell your mum that this is your daughter and you will bring her up your way and then thank her for her opinion! (my friend does this with her mother, who is always interfering!)

Answer 5

i know everybody is saying this but your daughter does not need a phone at this age you are spoling her for this age your daughter should not be playing out side at this time it is a very bad time for every parents in all the country it is dark and as you said there are crazy people out there . what you need to do is sit down with her talk to her how hard it is for you to buy everything in the house and if she kept loosing phones like this there would be no presents for xmas, birthdays and you mite not be able to go to holidays give her some choice tell her it is very hard for mummy to work and she cannot afford to keep on buying evertime,
make her friends come over to your place so that you know where she is all the time,
i have 2 girls fourteen and half and thirteen they did not get a phone until they were 12, years , they are not allowd to take the phone out with them unless it is necassary.
hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 6

No you're not mean and keep up the good work. She may learn once and for all. I have seen this situation far too many times (my partners has a 14 year old daughter who is spoilt rotten doesn't live with him but gets everything). They will never learn if they get everything all the time, they will presume it will always be handed to them on a plate.

Answer 7

No you're not mean. When my 11 yr old lost her 1st mobile (after 3 weeks) I refused to buy a new one but allowed her to have our oldest spare mobile. After losing 2 of these, she asked for a trendy mobile for her birthday. Instead I gave her money and said it was her decision what she spent it on. After 2 weeks of deliberation she chose to buy a phone instead of everything else on her wish list - and she treasured it, all because she'd used her own money - she had it a full year. Kids have to learn to value things like you say, it's a valuable life lesson.

Answer 8

To be honest you are doing the right thing!it seems as if you are the only parent in this day and age that understands discipline! Its dangerous for a ten yr old to have a mobile now, there are so many thefts because somebody has a flashy mobile it would be putting her at risk. Stick to your guns because I know that if my parents didnt stick to their guns when I was growing up I would have taken alot for granted. Buy her something else!

Answer 9

don't listen to your mum!!
you are doing the right thing!

I'm sure everything you do will seem wrong or mean to your mum even though it isn't.. and that's because she is your mum, shes older and feels because of that she must be wiser, even though that isnt the case.
she might say you hold your baby wrongly, you wash the dishes in the wrong way..(this is what my mum told me, ''i thought what the hell, there clean to the point its sparkling how is it wrong' her responce was if you dont wash it in the way i like it then its wrong)
everything you will do will seem wrong even though it isn't,

do what you feel is right.. your the one raising your child and your child needs to know to look after personal possions! money does not grow on trees.


if i was in your position i would go one further.
if my child lost the 2nd phone i will let them get a job or if too young let them do odd jobs around the house, by giving them an incentive of £5 per hr (wages, just like a real job) and let them work until they have made up for the value of the phone they had lost.
they will understand just how hard it is to work for what you want.
i wouldn't let them do things like clean their room.. because they need to know, that no one should pay them for things they should no to do.. instead so things like clean the garage etc

and i would also deduct the value of the 1st phone they had lost from their Xmas present.

its not harsh.. its a cleaning kerb and they will learn not to be so careless with their things.

Answer 10

At 10 I don't think it's necessarily all her fault to lose track of things like cell phones. If you want to have her carry a phone as opposed to you keeping track of where she is at then you should foot the bill. This is really the first generation of 10 year olds whose parents feel like they "need" a cell. We've all made it just fine. If she's going to a friends then call her at her friends. If she gets kidnapped you really think she'll be able to whip out her cell and save herself? You want to punish her then don't get her another phone. You'll have to act like a parent and keep track of where she is at, but it's not worth ruining a Christmas for her if she has to sit and watch other members of the family open up lots of gifts.

Answer 11

Youre in the right track Melissa...your daughter needs to learn a lesson...but i need to tell you this hope you wont get offended, maybe its your fault sometime cause isnt it too early for a ten yr old to have a cell phone? was it a necessity for a kid that age? i mean you should have not tolerated your kid on that, thats why she became too abusive...let her feel the value of money..tell her if she wants to have a new cell phone she should try to earn it....
hope you understand what i mean...sorry.