How do I get through to my mom?

Question

Everytime I have a problem with school or with a boyfriend, I've never been able to talk to my mom. Honestly, I think it's easier to talk to a complete stranger. I can go to her crying and asking for advice and either a.) She walks away, shaking her head or b.) says "Christina, What exactly do you expect me to do about it.?" My mom has never been the one to "show" love, but she provides us with the things we need so I guess I shouldn't complain, but there is so many things that I have concerns about and I know she is busy with four kids and two jobs. She does make me feel like one less kid (me) might make it easier. I'm 16 and I do have another place to stay, but she keeps me around for who-knows-what. I'm not whining but I feel like I'm in the way like a problem child. <--( whole different subject itself).. I just don't know what to do anymore, I have gave up trying to talk to her.

Answer 1

A single mom with 4 kids and 2 jobs! Sounds like she loves you immensely.

Adults don't have the same energy level as kids. Your mom barely has enough energy to deal with what is on her plate.

Can't you give her a break!!!! How about YOU get a job and help out with the bills - and paying YOUR own expenses. She probably isn't trying to make you feel that one less kid might make it easier - she's probably hinting at you to GET A FRIGGIN JOB and start contributing to the household. In otherwords, make money and give your mom your paycheck. Do you have any idea how much it costs to clothe you and feed you and give you shelter???

So, once you start actually helping your mom out by working and doing chores around the house - you will see your mom open up to you more because she'll actually have a little extra time in her life to give you motherly advice.

Right now - you and your siblings are a bunch of "me, me, me" and "everything is about ME".... Can you imagine a nest full of screaming and hungry baby birds??? Now you get the picture. WELL, you are all old enough to get part time jobs and contribute to the household - you are OLDER BIRDS and it is no longer supposed to be "ME, ME, ME"... you all are supposed to do your part to help out as much as possible.

So, instead of being the "ME, ME, ME" bird that is asking this "Me, ME, ME" question - it is time to be the "what can I do to help out my mom besides do tons of chores and get a part time job to contribute financially to the household expenses?" type woman.

Answer 2

Just let it go. Talking to her? Stop trying... JUST STOP! Yep you might want to have some chit-chat with your mom especially with some concerns with your teenage life and maybe with your bf. But yes, there is only limited time for so many things to do in a person's daily life. It is very true that most parents have little time with these things. It's work, work, work and work. Your parents may not be perfect and may not be the best in line... but they are still your parents, and believe me, they care for you.
When I was your age, I nearly stopped asking my parents for advice. Yep, they are pretty busy too. And I too, had the same feeling as what you have right now... they don't care about you and their time is all on work, chores, other members of the family, and leaving you alone. That is one tough battle to handle... but believe me, that doesn't mean they don't love you. You can ask some relatives for advice on your problems, or maybe your friends' dad or mom. That is like hitting your folks some "reverse psychology".
You just need to show your folks that you are less of a problem than what they perceive. It is going to be quite difficult to do things on your own at your age, but if you learn to get things done properly, it will be to your advantage. You will have lesser pressure when you get to college. Believe me... I did had a wonderful time in my college years, and I became more confident in dealing with people and in most situations.
And the bonus parts are:
a. I got the respect from my classmates and even schoolmates;
b. It gave me a lot more chances to travel because I learned to deal with other people in the right way;
c. I didn't have to be angry with my parents; and,
d. In the middle of things, my parents started to notice me and in a very positive way. And started talking to me for suggestions and even personal advises.

Don't you think it is better that way?

Answer 3

When I was 16 my mom and I could not communicate either. She was always tired from working. We were poor and she just didn't have time for the little things that are huge things for us as teen-agers. It hurts, so I learned to resolve problems alone. She loved me dearly, that showed, but we were two different types of personality's. It would take years before Mama and I could sit down and talk each respecting the others feeling.

Answer 4

I am so sorry - I think it's so nice that you actually want to talk to your mom -
I wonder if she realizes how lucky she is to have a daughter who values her. Maybe you could share with her that if you can't talk to her - who does she suggest you talk to???
I know this isnt' your problem, but she might not have had that kind of relationship with her own mom (think about your grandma). Do you have an aunt, cousin or other trusted adult - or maybe the mom of one of your friends? Maybe you could join a youth group at your local non-denominational church and make some deep friendships there - Hang in there - .

Answer 5

My mom is like that also. Growing up she slapped me for comming home when I had hurt myself on my bike. I always felt that she loved my sister and cats more than me or my brother. I turned to drugs and alcohol....not a good idea. I have been clean and sober for 25 years, however I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had not taken that path. Please don't do that to yourself. It is hard growning up with a mother like that, I do know that, however when I was in my 20's I learned to surround myself with people who had a lot going for them, I talked to them and learned from their examples....and talked to their parents. It is hard not to focus on the mom thing, even still, it hurts and I wonder why a mother can behave like she does. I have my own children now and really try to be the best mom I can be to them. I made a positive out of a negative and learned from her how not to be. I have done well in my life in spite of the way I felt about myself when I was younger, I wanted to be a doctor, I never did become one because I left home at 15 and put myself through college with no support what so ever......emotionally or otherwise.....my advice to you is to stay at home, get good grades, go to college and then when you are grown up you have have and can become anything you desire.....anything is possible....if you love yourself. Don't let her get you down, you are her responsibility because she is your mother. Take it for what it is worth and know that you are worth it. Someone once told me, "You are Gods precious baby just like every one else"....so are you.

Answer 6

Do not give up trying to talk to her. You really need to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her you are sad because you feel as if she isn't listening to what you are telling her. "She walks away, shaking her head...etc. She might not even know she is doing it. I've caught myself doing the same things sometimes to my own kids and it is because my mind is racing about what I need to do, or what I have to get at the store...which bill is due?

Don't give up. It's too early to quit.

Answer 7

What you need to understand is that your mother is dealing with grown up issues and to a grown up, teenagers put way too much drama into their lives. You are showing you really don't want her input, you just want a hug and for her to tell you it's okay. But that is not how real life is. Before you go to mom, or anyone for that matter, really think about what has you upset, and if there is something you can do to fix it, then do it. If you want your mothers advise or guidance, then ask for it. Its not that she loves you any less, she just has no time for drama. Change your approach and I guarantee you will see a difference.

Answer 8

That sounds really sad. Just tell her that you need her sometimes to listen to you and help you with things. Try to get through to her that way, tell her you don't feel she cares enough about you.
She might just be too busy with everything and doesn't realise what she's saying has an effect.

Answer 9

Maybe you can write her a letter expresses your feelings to her. If after that she still has no interest in your feelings then maybe you should stay somewhere else for a little while. Tell her how you feel and that you understand that she is busy but you need her too.

Answer 10

Have you considered that your mother is plain exhausted? She has 4kids and 2 jobs, when does she get to breathe?

She sounds like she is on the verge of sheer exhaustion. When I would say things like that with my kids, it was because I just couldn't take fixing any more problems. What I learned is that my kids didn't want me to fix anything, they just wanted me to listen.

Talk to your mother again. Calmly, without drama, talk to her. Tell her that you love her, and you really appreciate what she is doing for your family. Tell her that when you tell her your problems, you don't want her to fix them, you just want her to listen. Its really hard to hear your child in pain, and know you can't fix it and you want to so bad. But tell her that you just want a sounding board, not for her to do anything.

Please don't make things worse for her, and yourself, by getting negative attention, which is what is going to happen if you "run away" from home. She provides a home for you because she loves you.