My mom is coming over and she will see our new T.V. . She will have nothing but snotty remarks about the t.v. and anything else we would buy that she doesn't feel is important. How do I handle this ..Tactfully when I am almost 30 years old ..even if she doesn't say anything right away she will bring it up later or sigh and roll her eyes!!!
2007-12-05 21:56:18 · 9 answers · asked by halburg 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are almost 30, so start acting like it.
Do NOT invite your mom over and "take it on the chin" with her snotty comments.
It is time that you stood up to your mom.
How do you do this???
Your husband and you have to have a discussion between the two of you and set BOUNDARIES for your mother to follow. For example, your husband and you can decide "Mom is no longer allowed to make any snotty comments about what we buy" or "Mom is no longer allowed to criticize our decorating" or "Mom is no longer allowed to criticize our marriage".
Once your husband and you decide on boundaries - you NOW have to set CONSEQUENCES for breaking these boundaries. For example, if your mother criticizes your marriage and makes a snotty remark - do you tell her "mom, I said no", do you ask your mom to leave and force her to leave your home until she apologizes, do YOU leave, do you write your mom a letter explaining why she is hurtful, do you tell your mom you will no longer talk to her until the 3 of you are in family therapy????
Once you have decided on BOUNDARIES AND CONSEQUENCES - you have to invite your mother over for a talk. Don't tell her the topic, just tell her that the both of you want her to come over for a "talk".
Once she arrives, sit her down in the living room. Do not discuss ANYTHING ELSE except for telling her that you and your husband have been feeling uncomfortable with her visits because of her comments and remarks, that you both love her dearly and enjoy her company for the most part, that you want her to have a great relationship with her future grandchildren, but that the way she is behaving is affecting your relationship negatively and you cannot allow it to continue. Tell her that you have set some BOUNDARIES and CONSEQUENCES that you expect her to follow these rules while she is in your company whether she is in your home or elsewhere.
Explain to her specifically what the rules/boundaries are and what the consequences are for breaking the rules/boundaries. Tell her you truly will require her to leave your home immediately if she violates any of these rules/boundaries.
Ask her if she agrees to these rules/boundaries - if she tries to "call your bluff" and refuses to agree - then tell her that you both feel these rules/boundaries are more than reasonable, that you are sorry she feels this way and ask that she leaves. If she refuses to leave then tell her she leaves you no choice than to call the police to force her to leave. And if she still refuses to leave, then call the police. It will be the most difficult thing you have done - but this is called putting your foot down, being an adult and taking control over your life.
You don't have to put up with your mom's crap!
Most likely, your mom will have a greater respect for you (although she might be a little taken aback) and she will agree to your new rules/boundaries.
Once she agrees, then ENFORCE ENFORCE ENFORCE. DO NOT let her get away with any snotty remark or comment. Just like with a child - you MUST follow through on the consequences. You can't whimp out.
Pretty soon, you will notice that all the snottiness and bad comments will go away and you will have a much deeper and more meaningful relationship with your mom.
Your mom just has to get used to the idea that you are an adult and no longer her little girl she can make snotty remarks to.
2007-12-05 22:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not an easy one. I have a mother-in-law who is like that and I found the best and most diplomatic way to handle sarky comments and face-pulling is to try and just ignore it and carrying on as if nothing at all has happened. I wouldn't even point out the new telly. If she starts on about it, I would just offer a passing comment like 'Great, isn't it. We'll be watching it after dinner.' and then go out into the kitchen and carry on preparing the evening meal. If she comes after me and carries on muttering, I give her something to do, like laying the table or putting out nibbles and biscuits, not rising to the bait.
It works with my mum-in-law all the time. The secret is to keep cool, not rise to the bait and, most important, DON'T feel guilty about having bought the telly in the first place. Mums have a radar sence when it comes to picking up vibes of unease.
2007-12-05 22:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by Sparrow 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask her if she's glad that her daughter is doing so well that she can afford a nice tv and a nice home. That's why people raise their kids so carefully in the first place.......for them to have a decent standard of living.
Tell her that you're so grateful that she raised you to be successful and to have such good taste, shove a glass of sherry in her hand and smile a big cheesy grin! :-D
2007-12-05 22:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not owe your Mother anything or any explanation. You're 30 years old living you life and if it's acceptance you want and your married you should be getting it and if not then marry me some day and I'll show you what attention is like.
2007-12-05 22:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by bigapple 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IF she says anything just say "Arent we so lucky to be able to afford such luxuries" and smile..shes your mam...Mine is very like that too and the only way I stop myself from blowing a gasket is taking a deep breath and smiling!
2007-12-05 21:59:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So if you know this about your mom, why are you still trying to win her approval? You are a grown woman, learn to ignore her and don't take it personally.
2007-12-06 00:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a jealous mother. Take it all in stride. You're done well for yourself. Congrats on your new TV! Enjoy it.
2007-12-05 22:58:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask her why she treats you like a three year old?
(My husband says "3 year old" when I nag him about something that is his choice!)
If she's not tactful why should you have to be, after all it is YOUR home.
2007-12-05 22:00:46 · answer #8 · answered by Dreamweaver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not sure. just say oh mom look wot we got for u to watch wen u come over.
2007-12-05 21:59:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋