Here is the story... my sister came home after going to the dr. and said that she has cancer in her breast. She went to the hospital and they removed the lumps in ONE breast. She also has issues with her uterus. The lumps in the other breast haven't been removed. That was 11 months ago. She hasn't been for any other surgery but is now seeing a shrink once a week and going to the dr. at least once a week. She has dropped at least 25 lbs and sleeps all the time. No bowel or urinary control. She doesn't talk to anyone about it and doesn't seem to care about anything. A nurse told me that she is dying and is getting prepared for it. But I can't believe that she wouldn't share what is happening. She lives with us and I am scared to find her dead in her room. She talks about moving out and set a deadline to move but that has passed. She makes excuses for it or won't talk to anyone really and she is hiding out in her room. I don't want her to leave if she need us. What is happening?
2007-12-05 20:48:12 · 7 answers · asked by Whyld in the willows 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
What does it mean if she is seeing a shrink once a week? I don't understand. She WANTS to leave but she doesn't. I don't particularly want her to go if she needs us. I just want her to share what is going on so that we can help her.
2007-12-05 21:18:58 · update #1
I spoke with her and she is not talkative in any way. I told her that she is special and she has had a difficult life. But as much as I want to help, she won't let anyone help her, interact with her, and is very difficult to be with. I have explained that she is a valued part of our lives and we care. She shuts the door in my face. I don't know what to do. Is she dying? Is that why she is going to the dr and the shrink? Is she so withdrawn that she can't face those who love her and want to help? I don't understand it. Why would she be going to the shrink? What stage of cancer does that come into play? Are cancer patient supposed to go to the dr so often? Do they prescribe antidepressants as a rule? What am I looking at here? What help can I offer her? I don't know what to do. She has three children that she has given up to her ex-husband but she talks to them constantly. What am I going to tell them when the time comes if they ask? They call and we talk but not about their mom.
2007-12-06 13:51:20 · update #2
In a way, she thinks she is doing you a favor. I guess she feels if she pushes you away, it will be easier for you when your sister does pass away. I have a feeling she will not move out, to much effort and concentration to move in her condition. I hope the shrink can help her with this issue.
2007-12-06 00:25:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rashell - I am so sorry for your situation, it must be very hard. As your sister is presumably a grown adult I'm afraid there is not much you can do apart from respect her wish on this. I think the best thing you could do is have an open, but non-threatening or judgemental conversation with her about what is going on. It may be that she was given a couple of really bad choices and she chose what was best for her. I know it must be a very traumatic thing to think of finding her dead in her room, but if she has to leave she might die somewhere else, alone, and that I think would be worse.
2007-12-05 21:09:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her the book A Cancer Battle Plan by Anne and Dave Frahm. Maybe it will help if she will read it. And see Ann Fonfa's story at http://www.annieappleseed.com. Both had breast cancer, both beat it naturally. Some good food (raw fruits and vegetables and plenty of fresh juice) will help her feel better, but only if she is not doing chemo. If she can be given a purpose and the hope that Anne Frahm talks about, maybe she has a chance.
2007-12-06 04:36:57 · answer #3 · answered by Roger 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is severly depressed and is having a hard time dealing with whatever is happening to her. You should just be there for her as best you can. It sounds like you are but maybe she feels like a burden and that is why she is reacting in such a manner. Don't push or force conversation just sit quietly with her if you can. Just be there that is what she needs but will not admit it.
I myself was very ill and almost died several years ago. I became withdrawn and pushed people out of my life. I am doing better now and old friends are shocked when they see me back to normal after years of illness.
2007-12-05 21:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by jackyblu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its wonderful that you took the time to answer my question when you are so ill yourself. I had cervical cancer 20 years ago and spent a lot of time thinking of what I would say if the worst should happen. The main thing is to tell them time and time again how much you love them so that they remember. Make them up a memory box each too with lots of special things to remind them of you. But in the end you will have to be honest. Preparing them is the nicest gift you can give your children. You have made me feel humble about my own problems, Valerie x
2016-05-28 10:09:05 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister is terminal, she may also be in a lot of pain and doesn't want to be a burden. Ask her for permission to talk to her doctor and please investigate the possibility of hospice care. Hospice workers not only help the ill person but also help support the family to deal with these types of issues.
2007-12-06 08:02:54 · answer #6 · answered by knittinmama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not coping with this. For what ever reason she is not sharing it with you. Maybe she thinks you will kick her out. Have you asked her straight out what is going on? Tell her you love her and want her to stay if she wants to stay. She would see a therapist to try to sort through what is going on and to cope with it.
2007-12-06 00:27:07 · answer #7 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋