Would you EVER discipline your teenager ?

Question

I know this is going to sound 'woerd' or even 'suspicious' but I have tried almost everything else. My middle daughter (15) have started dating, and I have no problem with that as long as they meet in the Mall or burgerbar(or in our house when we are at home), but he is almost 18 years old. He is a nice boy, but I am so worried that 'something' could happen, so I have said that she can't meet him anymore. Now, she is not your typical rebel, and she is doing well at school, but I do NOT want to get a phonecall from the school nurse telling me she is pregnant. We have had open discussions about almost everything, and she is a very intelligent teenager, but she refuse to exept that she can't see him. I am ready to resort to almost anything to stop her getting pregnant, and I would even spank her, if I know that would stop her from seeing him. I just don't know what to do...

Answer 1

He's 18, so in reality he's seventeen and only two years older than your daughter. I don't understand why you don't want her to see him. If you've have such an open relationship with your daughter I can totally see why she is having such a hard time accepting this obvious sudden mistrust for her common sense and morality. I would have to if my parents had been treating me like an intelligent teenager and then completely did a 180 because I wanted to date a boy two years older than me.

I say, if you have an open relationship with her, prove it. Speak to her frankly and treat her like an equal when you explain your fear of her getting pregnant and perhaps being bullied into a physical relationship before she's ready because the boy is older.

She's probably going to tell you that's not going to happen, and that she's smarter than that. If that's the case, STOP trying to stop something that will happen anyway! If you punish her for feeling attracted or liking a boy, she will rebel against you and probably make the mistake you are so worried about. You will ruin your relationship with your daughter, you have laid out a relationship built on trust and now you are smashing that foundation away, it's not going to stand up without trust.

If she thinks she's ready for a physical relationship, you're going to have to deal with that. It's going to happen at sometime, and at least now you can be supportive about it. Take her to the doctor, frankly discuss birth control with your daughter, give her the tools to be her own person, to mature, to make mistakes but not the ones that change your life completely.

And for goodness sakes, if she interested in this boy enough to sleep with him, GET TO KNOW HIM! Invite him to dinner! Talk to him! If she's going to have a relationship with him make sure he is included as a temporary part of the family, that way you will know what's going on in your daughter's life more.

Answer 2

My daughter is 14 and so I am heading in the same direction. Now you say this boy is nice and you have let them see each other already. But then you change your mind and pull it away. When someone dangles that donut in front of your hungry face and then pulls it away...what do you want to do?
Something can happen weather you "let" then see each other or not. I remember being 15 and my parent's didn't have a clue when that "something" happened. Unless you are going to chain her to the wall then you have to teach her well and trust her. Not saying just let her do whatever but if you have been a good mom( I will say the answer is yes because you are a concerned mom) then you have to trust that your good mommy skills have paid off. And I'll bet it's not the school nurse who will be calling.

I was spanked and that didn't stop me from getting pregnant...birth control and a good understanding with my parents kept me from getting pregnant.

You have shown your daughter that you are unsure of your decisions as a parent and I think you picked an incorrect way to go about and change your mind. If they didn't give you a good reason for things to change then it was really unfair.

What about your oldest daughter...did she get preggers early? Is this why you are worried? Eachchild is different...don't lump them all together...

Answer 3

Spanking her is ridiculous, don't even consider that. If he is a nice boy, and she is doing well in school, and you have open discussions about everything, I don't know why you have a problem with her seeing him. It sounds like you just woke up one day and invented a problem in your head where there is none, and now she has to suffer for what 'might' happen, in your worries. It is unfair for you to suddenly refuse to let her spend time with him when you have no specific objections to anything he has done, or she has done either. If you are that worried about pregnancy even though you seem to have a well adjusted sensible daughter, then get her on the pill.

At her age, I was allowed to see my almost 18 year old boyfriend on Tuesdays and Saturdays. And not alone, we either were at my house or out with a group. At some point you are going to have to trust your daughter. It is okay to put some limits on the amount of time they spend together at her age, but to forbid it altogether is going to make her rebel. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't have a teenager so I cannot comment from personal experience, but I was 15 some years ago and I know that spanking would not work for me at that age, at 15 I feel they are too old to be spanked, it's humiliating. You are the parent however and you do have every right to set the boundaries, unfortunately you cannot stop your child growing up, and having sex comes along with growing up, believe me kids can be very inventive and if she wants to have sex she will find a way of doing it behind your back, it doesn't have to happen only in bed. I would say have an honest, open talk with her, if she is old enough to have a boyfriend then she is old enough to be spoken to openly about contraception and the need to protect herself.

Answer 5

Hi, you can discipline her but I wouldnt if I was you. When a parent tells a teenager what they cant do the teenager just does it all the more. Your daughter and this boy may have really strong feelings for eachother and it isnt fair to stop her having a relationship. You just need to make sure your daughter understands what the laws are and that she is still very young to be getting pregnant.

Answer 6

Of course I would discipline my teenager, not necessarily with a spanking, but naturally a teenager is to be disciplined when not following the rules of his/her parents.

However, in this case, she isn't doing anything wrong. The guy is a nice guy, she's 15, he's 18, they're hanging out. If you continue to worry that "something" could happen, you are going to drive yourself to paranoia.
It's unfortunate that you cannot trust your daughter.

Answer 7

Well firstly, I don't think spanking her is the way to go. She's almost an adult and spanking her would humiliate her beyond belief and she would resent you terribly and probably rebel even more. I can still remember my teenage years with a strict mother and unfortunately if my mum had tried to stop me seeing my boyfriend at that time it would have made me twice as determined to carry on seeing him.

What I suggest is to treat her as the young adult she is, and sit down with her somewhere neutral (where neither of you can storm off) so you can explain your fears to her and why you're worried. Children are just small people and deserve explanations for your actions. Girls are more mature than boys of their age at 15 so I can completely see the attraction of an 18 year old (in fact I dated an 18 year old when I was her age because all the boys in my year were so childish). It doesn't mean she's going to start sleeping with him!

I really don't think forbidding them from seeing each other is going to work and in any case, she's growing up, so she's just going to date someone else in the future. Please, sit her down and talk to her - AND listen to her - and explain why you're so worried.

Answer 8

OK maybe instead of spanking your child you could try and listen to her....TALKING is always a good option. You have already said you have a very smart teenager...but yet you think she is dumb enough to get pregnant.

How about you try and act like a grown up and a mother and sit the pair of them down and discuss your worries and fears with them BOTH.

Explain that the age of this boy worries you...go and visit the doctor for contraception advice...NOT so she has sex but so IF it did happen she is protected.

And you know spanking a teenager is pathetic....you really think that spanking her and behaving like a control freak is the way to get your beautiful intelligent daughter to behave...

LMAO good luck but i hope to god you don't lay a finger on her...if you did and you were my mother i would call the police and file assault charges

Answer 9

You sound very confused. One minute you say it's fine for her to see him in public, and the next that you would spank her to stop her from seeing him. Which is it?

To be honest, you need to loosen up. Your daughter is fifteen. In three years she'll be off to university or college. What do you want to happen then? Do you want to wave goodbye to a young woman who has learnt to make her own decisions with support from you, or to a young woman whose life has been completely controlled and has no experience of having to make her own judgements of what behaviour is sensible when it comes to relationships?

If I were you I would start by showing her, unedited, what you wrote above. You obviously love your daughter and care deeply for her future, and I hope she realises that. But how you are behaving now is the fastest way to force her into never telling you anything important again. You've had open discussions about almost everything. She's fifteen now, and it's time to lose the "almost".

Answer 10

You are her mother, and as long as she is living under your roof, well, she should abide by your rules. But the reality is that you are not always going to know where she is or what she is doing, and alot of the time, if you are to overprotective, thiis might end up in her rebelling against you. Think you need to sit her down and have a talk with her. Let her in on your concerns as a mother. Thats the best thing you can do right now. At the same time, sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes. Just be there for her when things go wrong.