My boyfriend and are thinking about getting married now and haveing the actual cerimony in about a year.?

Question

We are both very ready to be married. We have been friends since high school and have lived together for about 8 months now (and yes, we've slept together). We are in our earliy 20's. We are thinking about getting married in the next week or two and then not telling anyone (with the exception of our mothers) and the having the foraml cerimoney later, probobly around September of 2008. The earliness would be soely for renting, insurance, and other financial reasons. It would make things a lot easier, and we both don't want to wait that long. But we both want a big wedding with everyone there, and the whole nine yards. I wouldn't change my name or anything until the service. My mother got married a few months before her wedding too... So I don't know, any thoughts or things I'm not considering?

I do worry that I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret and theneveryone would know and there would be no reason to have a wedding

Answer 1

Ok, here is my thing on this issue, why the rush? Yes, you said because of living expenses and insurance. You have not looked at the other thing you are worried about loneliness. Did he ask you? Did he officially say he wanted to have you as his partner in his life? Do you understand that even though you are living together for 8 months, you can wait a few more months. In this question, I have not heard that you love this man, regardless of living with him, things can change in a short period of time. I have a question - have you dated anyone else before this man? Can you see yourself with this man? Too be patient with a decision like this is being cautious but less casualites. Now, have you both sat down and looked at how things will be run in your household because when you get married this definitely changed. I have to say I have tried co-habitation before, it did not work. I am married now and I have to say waiting was the best decision for me. Before marriage, true it was hard but I have to say living with someone before marriage will not guarantee a solid foundation. I would wait.
I say pray for God to open your heart and see what is best for you. Even though now you have everything there like married people, your perspective will change. Since you think you live with someone and it is a sharing thing. Everything will be a sharing, being respectful of each other's opinions, being loyal, understanding, patient, trustworthy, and understanding that this is my husband not my boyfriend. It has a different connotation and a different set of rules.
Do me a favor do not compare your situation with your mother's because she got married. Her situation is different.
You can have a civil ceremony at your home with close family and friends and later have a wedding.
(Remember, how much do you want to pay for a "big" wedding? Do you have a budget?) Just look at this with a great deal of thought. Now if you want to have a quick wedding and you have decided that - do you have the documentation to file for a marriage license? Do you have the money to pay for it? You can have the small ceremony in a judge's chambers or at your home with a small gathering of family and friends. Then when September comes you can have a reception with people that were not at the wedding. You may want to have someone say a prayer for your marriage and have a very nice and intimate dinner to break in the new life. It will take time to do the name change and the beautiful paperwork for insurance issues at each other's jobs. Maybe have a nice gathering before the holidays to bless your marriage. Just give it some thought, some prayers and know in both your hearts you want this. Do rush.

Answer 2

Well depending on how long you have been in a relationship, I say why not? Unless you have only been in a relationship 8 months then go for it.

I wouldn't NOT tell anyone, I'd talk to family about it, I mean if you go do a small thing with your county or a priest, I'm sure your families would want to be there. I did that and I had my parents and my husband's parents and our best friends and that was it. We had the whole reception and all that a month later.

If you are planning a large wedding though, it takes about a year to plan it, mostly cuz you have to book the hall at least 10 months if not a year or more in advance. A local bookstore will have wedding planning books, but a large wedding needs lots of time for planning.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If you want the actual wedding you should wait. When people start finding out you are already married they will not be so interested in everything. Also, you do the quick wedding saying you will plan a big one in a year but it doesnt always work. things come up and you keep putting it off and before you know it its 3 years no reception and then its way too late. And you will get no gifts

Answer 4

I think you are rushing to get married, this being your first "marriage" experience.

I would continue living together for a year. Apply for a domestic partnership, it will give you the conveniences that you seek, without the legal responsibilities. After a year, if you're still willing to get married, set a date for the ceremony for another year out.

After you wait 1 year, and another 8 months has gone by until the date, apply for your marriage license and begin making solid plans for your ceremony.

Marriage is not just a statement of love.

Marriage is a legal commitment that you make to the federal and state governments in your marriage license. You will be financially and legally bound to this individual until you divorce or die. I think you're getting married for convenience sake, and it could be for all the wrong reasons.

If, while you are married he doesn't pay his taxes, your wages can be garnished for the full amount plus a penalty until all of his taxes are paid back to the government.

If you have kids, things even trickier, as he will owe child support if you divorce or separate. And if he doesn't want to pay, all he has to do is move on to someone else, move in with them, and not get a job or be paid in cash and not give a cent to your children!

Don't make a mistake, wait! If you make a mistake and end up getting a divorce, these kinds of issues simply just don't "go away" and it will follow you!

Answer 5

if you do it now the big day wont be the same it will seem insincere and like a big fake show. is that what you want to share with your friends and family. couple just living together have no problem renting and as far as life insurance you or he can list anyone you want as your beneficiary and that person doesnt have to be your spouse. if you are talking about car insurance it may cost alittle extra to add you or he as an additional driver to your single policy but its not a problem and can and has been done. wait and enjoy the big day or do it now and dont waste your money on a fake show - use that money and buy a house. as you may know a big wedding that is the whole nine yards as you said costs around 10,000.00 that is a nice down pymnt on your first home.

Answer 6

We are doing this for the same reasons. Well, we're already renting together... but i really need the insurance and co-mingling the finances is easier with that lil piece of paper (taxes are easier too... i understand). My parents have actually told me to do this (we were thinkin about it since darn near the begining)... My mother suggested we do the civil ceremony soon (i'm lookin at may or june 08... HEY thats soon for me!) and than gettin our finances straight and planning something larger down the road. If you want, you can even plan your big event to be on the same date as your real event.. just a year or so later!! Yay - One anniversary! Or... you can do what we are... and celebrate two anniversaries! One with just us, gigglin in secrecy.. .and one with the family.

Answer 7

my fiance and i were thinking about doing that too. for financial reasons only. no bun in oven or anything else.

in this day and age i say go for it

you aren't hurting anyone. do what you want and be happy!

it seems everyone, or most everyone, here is so worried about tradition and formality.
i say do what you want for the wedding and just honor the tradition of the institute of marriage itself.

Answer 8

if you feel like you're ready, then i say go for it. i actually think thats a really cool idea, and since you want the big ceremony it makes a lot of sense to go for it now, and then have the ceremony when you've had time to plan for it.

congratulations (in advance), and good luck!

Answer 9

I think ur rushing into things
even 8 months r not good enough

Answer 10

You Understand your situation as you know your mother and If you know that your boyfriend realy loves you and you live with him peace then I prefered you to join your friend and get marreid.
Take Care