i have 5 married and 4 living at home, and i work, when i come home everyone wants my atten. i try to give it to who needs it most, but i feel pulled in different directions. sometimes i just need time for me. HELP!!! what can i do?
2007-12-05 17:43:42 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Holy smokes!! Congrats. I don't know how you do it. When you get home, take half an hour for YOU to get settled in. Get a hot bath. Watch tv. Do whatever you have to do to shake off work. No one is allowed to bother you during this time. Or use the drive home as a chance to unwind. But you need time to transition from work to home.
2007-12-05 17:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by IMHO 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with them and organize your time with their needs and make time in there for you too. You probably cant be there for all 4 every single day and if they are not little children they should understand that. Make a plan on who gets you at certain times. Also allow them to trade between themselves if they want since things will come up that need immediate attention. I cant plan it for you but the key to all this is organization. Also keep in mind no matter what age they are if they are over 5 they can help do things around the house so when you get home there is less for you to do and more time for them. Pitching in is what a family is about.
2007-12-05 18:29:29 · answer #2 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way from time to time. Being a mother of multiple children & wanting to fulfill all of their needs @ once is simply impossible. They must learn how to give you @ least a moment of your own time first, to recharge yourself when you come home from work. Then practice patience by letting you provide each child a given amount of time with your undivided attention. It may take sometime to adjust but it will definately prevent you from a burn out or unecessary chaos. I bet you are over due for a night of peace & quiet or out w/ the gals. So make an effort to plan some alone or fun time for yourself soon. It'll do you some good. And you certainly deserve it.
2007-12-05 18:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by lovie808 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi coookies,
I think you should call them all together and tell them exactly what you feel. Tell them your frustrations as well. Believe me, it won't make you less of a mother. Tell them about your being "overwhelmed" and that you're "tired" already. That you would appreciate it if they will slacken off a bit. Tell them you need time for your own as well. At 1st, they might resent you a bit for it and will continue to be asking for you right and left. But be firm this time. If you see that they can handle the situation, leave them be. In fact, you will do them some good by doing that. You are forcing them to rely more on themselves now. They see that label "mother" written in you for as long as they knew that they simply forgot that you're a "person" as well. Help out those whose attention are really needed. Then gradually begin "living your life again". You've already done a wonderful job as a mother. Now enjoy life as a person.
2007-12-05 18:23:02 · answer #4 · answered by BERNARD C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a spouse to help you? Talk to him to see if you can work out a day for each of you to have alone to yourselves and/or a day for you as a couple.
You might also try having a stress free zone in your house, a place you go where everyone knows they are not allowed to bother you. If you wish to speak to a child individually, you can call that child into your zone, but only if you're the one allowing it. It'll be hard to organize and control all of this at first, but kids can be trained to respect your private time. Most want to make mommy happy, so just approach it right and it should work.
Also, you might want to get a walkman or something to help you drown out their noises for a few minutes at a time or havea quiet space where you can write out your thoughts. It'll help center you a bit better.
Another idea is why not try to get your kids (at least the young ones) into meditating with you or doing some other kind of relaxing activity. Sharing it with them might make a difference and help them realize that you're only one person and can only do so much at a time.
Good luck. I'm a mom of three. I can't imagine how hard it is to raise 9, even if it wasn't all at the same time.
PS: Don't forget to have one day set aside for the family to spend together doing something fun without the TV being on. Strengthening the family bond is always important and if the kids have time for them, they'll be more able to understand when you and/or your husband need time alone too. Also, can the grown kids help out? That might be a cool way for you to get a few extra minutes.
2007-12-05 17:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try to explain it to them that even though you cannot give everyone your attention at the same time, you have enough love for each of them. I am a mother of three, I work and take classes online. My baby is 5 months and she is satisfied as long as she can see me, so I tell my older two to let me get my chores, classwork done and then I will have time for them. We have a set routine. I know what I have to get done and they know that once we've had dinner, baths and completed evening tasks, I will sit with them, help with homework, talk about their day and read them a story. All of this is done in about a 3-4 hour period so we have to have a set routine to fit everything into that small amount of time.
And remember, God blessed you with 9 for a reason. He will never give you more than what you can handle.
2007-12-06 01:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by bebeangelsmami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I congratulate you on your infinite patience! At some point, you need to actually schedule time for yourself---and then keep that promise to yourself! If there is a spouse involved or a family member get them to be the refereee for a while so you can take time to pamper yourself for a few hours. Go to a spa, or do something simple like taking a walk on the beach, read a good book, or meditate. The more you "schedule" this time away (say maybe once a week), the more the kids will see a less-stressed mommy. They don't realize how hard it is on you. Tell them how much you love them, but also tell them that it is important for mommy to take time to relax once in a while. They love you and they will understand. Good luck my friend!
2007-12-05 17:55:41 · answer #7 · answered by Angel2007 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am a Mom of 5 and so I have a pretty good idea of how you feel. Scheduling is the key...make time each day..even if its only 15 min. for one kid..mine like to go hang out in my room and just chat with no interruptions..it doesn't have to be big..a little time goes a long ways. Most important..make time for yourself! I say that but honestly..I don't do that either..unless I am sitting here at 11pm at night on YA...good luck Hun.
2007-12-05 18:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by Laceyfromcali 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound stupid but a schedule. Choose an amount of time you can handle each night and make a schedule breaking it up into equal amounts for each child. That child gets your undivided attention during his/her scheduled time. Even if they have nothing to say and just want to sit with you, give them their time. I suggest having them draw straws to see the order in which they get their time to avoid a fight about it. Also make the rule that their not allowed to interrupt each others 'mom time' unless someone is bleeding to death.
Keep your head up, you've made it through half of them, lol. Best of luck!
2007-12-05 18:04:44 · answer #9 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, 9....
schedual one-on-one time with each, maybe an hour a day to just talk. and every weekend do something with one of them. just you and the child. get a babysitter for the other three. they will each have their turn. ooh or its cool wheni see my friends texting their parents. get them all cellphones! haha. nawwww thts prob to expensive.
next time you come home, sit them down together and tell them that you are going to start to have a schedual. this doesnt mean that if they have a problem, that they have to wait untill its their talk time with you to say anything, but the one-on-one time is there to make sure that they at least GET a chance to talk to you.
also, umm if any of them are interested in lets say cooking, then invite them to help you cook dinner sometimes. while you are teaching them, talk to them. its a really fun way to bond.
then, make sure you schedualed some alone time for you to just do whatever. a spa is nice, but expensive. just get some kick-it time. chill inyour room. go out with friends. surf the net. nap. whatever you do to relax.
man i wish my dad tried to do this stuff with me!
2007-12-05 17:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by Kenna Coconut™ Actorasauress Rex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋