My bro came out over the summer. we're all conservative and don't like it too much. My dad's a deacon of the church. I heard these ladies sitting in a room talking about how much of a disgrace it is. one said it was tv that influenced him, another said it was his (my) family. they think my parents went wrong somewhere. I walked in and said I heard everything you're talking about. and I don't like how you're talking behind his back when he's not here to defend himself. I agree, what he does is wrong, but it's none of your business. so shut up. then walked out. now they told everyone and the church is pretty pissed @ me. my dad's pissed, mom's pissed, grandma's pissed, and the preacher's pissed. i told my bro and he's glad i stood up for him. what do you think i should do? I told my family I'm not gonna apologize, but if they want to, they know where we live. what you guys think?
2007-12-05 16:49:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I say good for you for standing up for your brother especially because you don't agree with his lifestyle. Try to understand he did not choose it and it is no ones fault. Maybe one day people will be more tolerant but I am as impressed as hell that you did what you did even if you were a little rude in this case I am all for it. They should mind their own business. I bet your brother is so proud to have you as his brother. If they want you to apologize you could say I am sorry for snapping at you but I will not apologize for what I said. Good luck
2007-12-05 17:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by feeona 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would have done the same thing and I would not apologize. They are all hypocrites. We are not to judge others. The TV and your parents did not make him gay. He is that way in his head. I believe that you are born that way. Have you talked to him with an open mind. Ask him about his feelings and how and when he new he was gay. You will be surprised at his answers. Do not tell him that he is wrong. He cannot help how he feels anymore than you can. Your brother has a right to be happy just like the rest of us. If this is what makes him happy do not ostracize him for it. He is still your brother and the man that you have always loved. He needs someone to be there for him.
2007-12-05 19:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it amazes me how some of the "well-intentioned" and "good at heart" can say some of the cruelest things when they thing no one is listening! I think you were right to stand up for your brother. Should you decide to apologize, which I wouldn't without extreme pressure from the family, simply tell the old bitties, "I'm sorry if you were offended by my outburst."
That's what's known as a psuedo-apology, you haven't apologized for anything that you've done, but rather for what they have done. After all, being a member of the church does not excuse bad manners and hate. It isn't their place to judge, and as good Christian women they should know its in God's hands, after all, he made your brother and to keep their mouths shut about what doesn't concern them.
2007-12-05 18:17:59 · answer #3 · answered by Ista 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a christian myself, and i find the reaction of the church to be repulsive. Sounds like a congregation I myself would not want to be a part of. However, your way of "standing up" for your brother was also out of line. You found them to be disrespectful (rightfully) However, you were also disrespectful back (two wrongs don't make a right you know)
Be the bigger man, and go to the ladies and apologize, explaining why you reacted as you did, as well as stating the fact that you find their behavior, to talk behind someones' back, to not reflect a Christlike behavior.
the trick here is to be humble and truly realize your own mistake, as well as getting them to realize theirs. is you succeed, you will not only straighten the matter, but also gain a sincere respect from them.
Further, who knows whether your humble approach may get the ladies (and perhaps the church) to do some redeeming reflecting and pondering :)
Good Luck!
2007-12-05 18:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by SD 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is good that you stood up for your brother. I think that you could have done without the "shut up" part though. I also would reconsider your stance that it is wrong of your brother to be gay. I think that people are born gay or straight and that it is not a result of his environment or upbringing. Now, if he is in fact born gay, then that must mean that he was born the way God intended him to be. Perhaps a good comeback to the church ladies might have been that God wants us to love everybody and that we are all of God's children. Perhaps you could point out that gossiping is not a very Christian behaviour. Keep supporting your brother. He probably needs it, given the conservatism of the church.
2007-12-05 18:22:25 · answer #5 · answered by Christine H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I do not condone the "church ladies" for their gossip, where is YOUR respect for your ELDERS? If I had EVER spoken in such a manner to adults, and my parents learned of it, I would have been grounded for a month! There are OTHER ways of handling the situation besides back-talking. As the saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right!!
You say you won't apologize, but you don't say who (if anyone) is asking/demanding that you do.
You are exhibiting very selfish behavior. Again, I'm not excusing the behavior of these ladies... this is not the issue I am adressing. You cannot change their minds, you cannot change ANYONE's minds. ALL you have control over is yourself, and you don't seem to have enough of that as it is. You can apologize for the manner in which you expressed your views without "apologizing" for your views. But you won't even do that.
The ONLY thing you accomplished with your outburst was to CONFIRM what these ladies were "gossiping" about... that your "parents went wrong somewhere," etc. Now, not only do they have your brother as "proof" of your family's being "out of control," they have YOU, too, as MORE proof.
Have a polite day.
2007-12-05 18:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by wyomugs 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It all depends on how you told them. If you told them in a respectful way, you need not apologize. If you told them in a disrespectful way, you should apologize for the way you told them, NOT for your defending your bro. Your father was understandably upset because he is a church deacon. He feels ashamed of your bad manner, which reflects your upbringing, which in a way says he didn't do a good job.
2007-12-05 20:22:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well it is was a bit mean, but at the same time you were standing up for your family against people who are so called followers of God, they obviously ain't true believers if they are gossiping about your family && then go && tell more people. I don't think your family should be mad atleast you were standing up for your brother which was a kind thing to do.
2007-12-05 18:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by ♫ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Things happen for a reason, and I'm sure they will all soon be impressed that it took a young person to wake them up to be more like Jesus, who embraced the likes of a prostitute, a leper, and crucifixion.
Just be ready to explain the poor example they all are setting in neglecting that even your bro is a child of God. He's still the same wonderful guy that he was before admission of his sexual preference. And, if any anything, apologize for handling it in your own loving way.
2007-12-05 17:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by curiousN 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There will always be trouble everywhere. Not just the church. First of all, it was wrong for those ladies to be gossiping. Your brother must have known that there would be trouble by telling everyone. So there must be some responsibility there to be taken by him. Its not just the fault of the gossipers. Who gave them the ammo? And yes I think that you did the right thing in standing up for your brother. But you probably could have handled it a little better for the sake of etiquette of a believer
2007-12-05 17:20:35 · answer #10 · answered by guitarrman45 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋