My friend complains that she is fat and out of shape...?

Question

I've recently adapted a healthier lifestyle and I'm still not perfect and still have my weak moment but I've started to become more active. I will call her to ask her if she wants to go to the gym, go for a walk outside, come over to my place to follow a yoga video and her response is always the same, "No." I'm getting sick and tired of her complaining about being fat yet she does nothing about it. I've tried to suggest things for different comfort levels but she still says, "I've just rented a movie and I want to watch it." Yeah because 40 min not on the couch is going to kill you. Like I said, I'm still getting the hang of this healthy lifestyle thing and I thought it would be nice for us to work out together because she complains all the time. Is there anything I can say to her? Even though I say she complains a lot, I still love her and want what's best for her. I'm just getting sick of her complaining that she's fat and not doing anything about it.

Answer 1

If you're that good of friends that you love her and care for her it seems like you could tell her straight up. She seems like she might need to be told point blank, "yep, you're fat and nothing is going to change if you don't do something about it". You're probably the only one she can talk to about this issue. I think she need the truth plain and simple, just as you've described everything above.

Answer 2

it sounds like she has an emotional issue to deal with before she's ready to take action to change her situation. you can't force someone into changing her lifestyle. she has to want to change, and first she might have to feel a little better about herself.

i would suggest inviting her to do something that isn't exercise, but also doesn't involve eating. going out to a movie (if popcorn and drinks can be avoided), getting your hair or nails done together... something that won't make her feel pressured about her weight, but will let her know you care about her as she is right now. seeing you do everything healthy has probably made her feel worse about herself in comparison, so i'd just let the subject drop for a while and work on the friendship first.

Answer 3

Don't aks her to exercise with you. There's nothing you can do to change other people. They have to want to change. You friend does seem to have some kind of emotional problem, though, since she complains that she's fat yet she refuses do anything about it. Some professional counseling would help her; but, again, it's something that she must decide to do for herself. She's a big girl now and needs to take responsibility for her own life. You cannot and your should not take that responsibility on yourself.

Answer 4

Tell her, she's in shape, ROUND IS A SHAPE, sorry, couldn't resist, seriously though try asking her what are the way's she would try, like maybe she doesn't like jogging in public, after all that's why people buy exercise bikes, or treadmills for inside the house, and maybe she doesn't like being pushed, you might want to go as fast as the slowest woman, (her), get the picture?, ask her how she would go about it, then try taking it from there, remember, you won't be lying when your trying to encourage her by saying she's getting in shape. best of luck, thanks for being a good sport, about the shape thing. Oh! wait!, maybe she doesn't like other people yanking on all her strength, I know I wouldn't. Seems it might create some kind of (better than thee, atmosphere).

Answer 5

By being brutally honest with a calm and subtle voice. Just be casual. Start a normal conversation about any topic and then when she is talking interrupt her by suddenly dropping it on her. Tell her the truth and then say "I'm glad we had this talk" give her a quick pat with a smile and walk away.

Answer 6

all you can do is continue to ask her if she wants to do "healthy" stuff every once and a while to see if she will ever take you up on it. some people it takes time before they begin to exercise regularly others will go the lifespan with out any regular exercise.

i have buddies that constantly tell me that they are going to start working out "next month" and "it's finally time". they have been saying this since we graduated hs in '86

Answer 7

hi...you know what i used to be fat also...and believe me it's not that easy...so try to understand your friend if you are really a friend.i'll give you one example...for instance going to a gym...when you are fat and you are in a fitness gym you can't get rid of those judging eyes specially if you are really in a plus plus size. seeing rude people staring at you is not a good feeling,,,just give your friend time to think of loosing weight cause nobody knows if she's happy or not having this size...and let her decide for herself don't push her too much cause who knows where her happiness is only her can figure it out...now if you're really a friend make her feel beautiful inspite of her size...in short accept her...the whole her...oki

Answer 8

It is cool to encourage a health life style, even the healthy have mental health issue's worrying about staying health. Be health and enjoy life also. Be a 50/50 friend, you do what she likes and she do what you like......that why it's called friendship, not painship...

Answer 9

Buy her a gym membership for Christmas. Tell her that she is her biggest critic and should stop worrying about looks so much because it distracts from doing other important things in life. Everyone is going to get fat or ugly sooner or later.

Answer 10

I have one friend who is the same way, but I finally told her, " If you want to do something about it then I'll help you, if not quit complaining about it, she did, but she's still very overweight. There's nothing you can do about it, except tell her not to complain if she doesn't want to do anything about it.