It’s hard to get an unbiased opinion from friends and family about this. My dad has many good qualitites and has always been for me in a conventional sense. While he regrets it, he moved away when I was 13, I still saw him often, but I was mostly raised by my step dad. I would like my step dad to walk me down the aisle not because of the cultural meaning but because it would mean a lot to me for him to share that moment with me. My real father doesn’t believe in the idea of marriage and thinks my decision to do this is rather silly. He drinks a lot, and tends to go off on people for no apparent reason other than he’s unhappy. I know having my step dad walk me down the aisle would hurt my real dad. He has chosen to ignore how his behavior affects me my whole life – So should I consider his feelings? Yes, I should, but how much? My options at this point are A) walk with my step dad or B) walk alone.
2007-12-05 15:52:06 · 18 answers · asked by Melinda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
That is "your" moment .. and if you want your step-dad to share it with you .. then that is what you should do. Besides - your real daddy doesn't believe in the idea of marriage .. and he thinks it is silly anyway ... plus, if he drinks a lot - he could be drinking a lot when he was walking down that isle with you .. and no telling what could take place. It doesn't sound like you could completely trust your dad.
It's your wedding .. so decide what you really, really, really, want to do.
I was at a wedding where the bride's little brother walked her 1/2 down the aisle .. then the dad met them 1/2 of the way .. would this work for you? .. having BOTH dad do it? Just a thought.
What does your gut tell you what your dad will more than likely do .. or behave .. at your wedding? Could you talk to him .. and ask him to not drink .. and not go off on people? Is he coming at all?
If you could have both dad do the walk .. it would solve one problem.
2007-12-05 16:19:45 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a tough decision. Believe it or not it's very common. My oldest sister had both our dad and step dad walk her down the aisle, my next sister asked my brother, I have my son.
I think if I were in your shoes, I would have to say to my birth father "I understand your attitude and feelings toward marriage and I respect them; so I hope your feelings aren't hurt that I am having Step-dad give me away since he and I agree and share the same point of view on marriage".
My heart goes out to you. Congratulations and good luck!
2007-12-05 20:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by minno 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure your step-dad will be honored to walk you down the aisle. I would set my biological dad down and explain that you want him at the wedding, but you have decided to have your step-dad walk you down the aisle. If he has a problem with that, that will set the tone for whether or not he should be invited. If he does have a drinking problem, perhaps you should assign someone to watch your dad that evening to make sure things don't get out of hand.
2007-12-05 16:03:08 · answer #3 · answered by felicitytoo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would do what would make you happiest on that day. You can tell your father that you have asked your step dad to walk you down the aisle because he is there for your in your daily life. If you want to come up with an alternative you could ask both of them to walk with you. But only if you want that. It's YOUR day.
You can have a special dance with both of them. It's okay for you to love your step dad and want to honor him at your wedding.
If you want him to be involved, ask him. Think positively and believe that he will come through for you. But have a contingency plan in case things don't work out. For example, if you are worried about his drinking, have someone be in charge of calling a cab if he needs to leave early.
Hopefully your father will understand your decisions, especially since he thinks it's silly to get married. Do what makes your heart happy.
2007-12-05 16:03:06 · answer #4 · answered by Shelly J 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess I get to be the voice of dissent here. I think you should make every effort to have your real Dad do this. Your step dad sounds like a reasonable man. He'll understand. If you're comfortable enough with your Dad, just talk to him about it. If he loves you [as it sounds like he does] he wouldn't dream of ruining your wedding day.
Remember to put at least as much into keeping the marriage together as you did planning the wedding.
Friendly advice from a marriage vet.
2007-12-05 16:36:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should let your step father walk you down the aisle and if your father wonders about that tell him it is because he has said that he doesn't believe in marriage. He may be unhappy because his drinking caused the divorce among many other reasons but each person is free to do as they wish as long as they accept the consequesces of that and this is one of his consequences. Good Luck to you in your marriage.
2007-12-05 16:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's too youthful to be in a marriage, and you'd be extraordinarily distracted by potential of her if she replaced into cranky that day, as maximum babies are at that age in the event that they are in a position to't get to mommy. you're a bride for below an afternoon, and having a cranky toddler could make you experience like a mom and not a bride. you want to do the commonplace issues a bride does without irritating approximately having to end each little thing to quiet the toddler. See in case you may get a babysitter, have some photos fascinated in you and your husband and the toddler on the great day, yet then, have the toddler taken homestead by potential of the babysitter and you are going to be able to get excitement from your day freed from care.
2016-12-17 08:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to share the moment with you stepdad then do it. It sounds like he has been more of a father to you than your biological father. if it hurts your biological fathers feelings then he will know how you felt all those times he did it to you.... it shouldnt bother your biological dad anyway since he doesn't believe in marriage.
2007-12-06 08:48:53 · answer #8 · answered by Erin D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding. You should do what makes you happy. I think you should walk with your step father and have someone on hand to talk to you father if he makes a big deal out of it. You shouldn't talk to him. Maybe your mom or if you have any brothers or sisters, or maybe your grandmother. You should be happy on your wedding day and if somebody else isn't well it's not their day.
2007-12-06 04:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by stephie691 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not have your dad on one side, and your step dad on the other - even if he doesnt' believe in marriage he should support you in your decision (no matter how "silly" he thinks it is)
or walk alone.... find a different way to honor your "dads"
2007-12-06 03:56:30 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋