Tenneager rebeling, refusing to go to school for two weeks now?

Question

My daughter has always been responsible, respectful and very mature, She has been involved with a high school boy who I have been forbidding for her to see but legally can't do anything about. I found out she has been lying to me about seeing him, skipping school for nearly two weeks straight and we have had found out she took money from my step daughters piggy banks, ( a few hundred dollars. I confronted her about all , she denies then doesnt talk to me, she sneaks out early in am so I cant take her to school then comes home around 5pm ( right before dark) she says she is too mad to go to school because of me and my husband but wont say anything else. Now I am facing charges for her missing school but I don't know what I can do about it other than putting my hands on her and physically taking her to school? What is it I am to so ion this situation? any one ever go through something like this? I feel so h

Since issues with boy happened almost a year ago , everything other than her bed and cloths have been taken from her.
I have talked to school and for some odd reason nothing is being done.
I have not put my hands on her, She has threatened to call me in if I put my hands on her. and I know that won't solve anything anyway.

The boyfrined is 16 or 17 and took her virginity when she was 12, I have tried to get police involved but won't do anything because they are both minors.

Answer 1

I giggle because often the people that are saying to beat the heck out of her, don't have teenagers. :)

Anyway, it's a tough call, because the more you let her go, the more responsible you are for her being a "teen" and we all know the consequences she will face, but you can't tell her enough, she thinks she has control of everything and she won't learn until it's the hard way.

I think the best thing for you to do is to lay out her options. If she is choosing to not attend school, she should be required to get a job and pay a small portion of rent. She needs to be accountable for 6 hours per day, be them in school or at work. I think it is important to put your concerns in writing and send them to the school, they can then have a record of your trials with her, although it will not clear you of responsibility it may help you to cover your butt, that you have been trying.

I would say that she is feeling like she has little control over the things in her life, as many teens don't. (They aren't suppose to either). She chooses to do what you are telling her not to, because she wants to be in control of the situation. Lay out some choices for her, forbidding her to do something, will make her want it more, and with the boyfriend, it may be better for you to get to know him- for safety of your daughter. Who knows if you can find something in him you like, she may give him up. :) With school, give her the choice of work or school, or maybe she needs a different schedule or something else is going on. As far as how you can help, it may be best for you to be the pillow, just waiting there because we all know she will need a safe landing eventually.

It's probably hard to talk to her, but it's important that you find a way. There are a lot of underlying things that teenagers deal with, they often think their parents don't understand, but if you treat her like an adult (even if you have to fake it), she will act more like an adult and communicate easier. When you talk with her, allow her time to talk, sometimes it is even easier to email back and forth. Be sure to give her control of something, she obviously feels like she has none. (It's a tricky game to play giving just the right choices at the right time, to assure success, and not give too much room for valuable life decisions).

I wish you the best, teenagers are hard!!!!!! None the less, many parents get through it.

Oh and as far as the stealing, don't ignore it, put it on her list of things she must do, to pay it back. She may have needed it for something she can't explain to you yet, hopefully not drugs, but maybe birth control or something. Give her the option of how much she can afford to pay back every week, offer her chores to earn money to pay it back and have her physically put cash back in, but you need to help her to keep track of making sure it is all replaced.

The key is helping, not telling. It's a tough task!!!

Hopefully it'll help.....

Answer 2

Yes, I think getting up early to take her to school yourself and watching her walk through the doors would be a good thing to do. Forbidding her from seeing the boy was not a good thing to do however. Thats one of the worst things you can say to a teenage girl. You should take away a bunch of things that she uses a lot, such as her computer and in-room TV. Do not take away her cell phone though. God forbid something happens with her and the boy and she has no way of getting in touch with you. Change her plan. Take away text messaging and lower her minutes. Talk to the school to see if there is some way to make sure she gets on the bus home, and have someone at home to make sure she gets there. Don't let her leave at night for anything. Last thing I can say is to talk seriously with her and see why it is she is disobeying you.

*EDIT*
To your added detail about them both being minors, HE is not. When it comes to sexual laws, anyone 16+ is no longer considered a minor. Plus, even if they both were minors, it is still illegal. Legally, you have to be over 16 to have sex. I'm pretty sure these go for most states. I know they do in CT.

Answer 3

I feel bad for you, because I know how difficult that type of situation can be.

From what you say above, it sounds like the problems began when (or as a result of) you forbid her to see her boyfriend, right? For a "responsible, respectful, and very mature" teenager to act out this way, I'd wager she found your edict more than unreasonable -- even intolerable.

I'm sure you have good reasons why she shouldn't see him, and your judgment on this is probably right. But being right doesn't matter at this point -- I think what's more important is rescuing your daughter from a suddenly self-destructive behavior pattern, yes?

I know this won't be a welcome suggestion, but what I would do is sit down with her (you and your husband) and work out a new plan that allows her to see him under specific conditions and rules (including that she return to school and meet her other responsibilities). Believe me, I know it's difficult, because it's like letting her "win" by behaving badly, right? But what good is it if you "win" by sticking to your guns, if the result is her behavior gets worse until she runs away or does something that can't be fixed?

My daughter is an adult now, and as wonderful as she is, we both look back at certain times in her teenage years and marvel that we ever made it to this point. And there were plenty of times when one or both of us wanted to just give up. :-)

Having also had some tumultuous teen years of my own, I think it's possible your daughter is caught up in this cycle of rebellion and would probably appreciate getting yanked out of it -- but it will take some compromise on your part to make that happen.

I wish you and your family the best of luck with this!

Answer 4

You dont say how old this child is and that information is rather essential. Since the school is threatening you I will assume she is under 16. You can make her get in the car and deliver her to the office of the school every day if necessary. Make sure you say hello to the nice ladies in the office and tell them you are bringing her in. The truancy officer cant say you didnt give it your best shot. They will see you are working with them to get her back in school and they will do what they can to help you. This is also perhaps the most embarrassing thing a parent can do to a teen - and most will do whatever they have to to keep it from repeating..

Perhaps you need to reconsider forbidding your daughter from seeing this boy. I would instead forbid her from seeing him anywhere but at your house. So if she wants to see him it has to be on your turf - where you keep an eye on things.
Tell her that as long as she actually attends school she can see him at the house.
Does this mean she wins - no cause now she has had the opportunity to spend time with him with no parent around - so she is still going to resent that but oh well too bad.

Answer 5

I'm laughing at all the unreasonable answer here. Beat her butt, take away her things, Boot Camp! etc..........She's 12 years old I believe that is what you said. You accused her of stealing money it's called being defensive. You don't know if she actually stole the money you have a hunch that she did it fine, don't accuse until you have proof or she tells you.

She may have other issue she's just started puberty. She's still young she may not know how to communicate that she's depressed. She may need to speak to a psychologist so you can see if there is an underlying issue on why she's acting out like this.

Answer 6

Sounds like she rules you.Her dad needs to spank her rear end good.Take all her clothes but 2 sets.Give her a nightie to sleep in and her clothes stay in your room.She gets no cell phone no computer time no phone calls, you tell the boys parents if you catch him near her he goes to jail.
You make her sleep in YOUR room on a cot if you have to or put an alarm on her bedroom door and nail her window shut.Home school her too.Neither of you wont have to worry about her not going to school if you home school her.
One last thing, her being in a situation where her dad is no longer in the picture is probably part of the problem.I dont know about all of that, but it has a lot to do with her behavior and also, it seems like she has lost respect for you and that there has been a lack of discipline in her life.

Answer 7

i became right into a hellion whilst i became into an adolescent. I skipped college lots too and became into punished by using the college as properly as my parents. I have been given into countless sorts of worry. in the county I lived in there became right into a variety of safeguard domicile for rebellious little ones. My Dad referred to as the decide who ran the safeguard and asked if i need to be sent there (often that's for little ones who're taken from their family members or in worry with the police). The decide concurs and that i became into sent there for 2 weeks over the summer season. It became into like being in detention center! the different little ones stole from me, picked on me, burnt me with a lighter, each and every variety of issues. i became into terrified and not in any respect had to adventure that lower back. I cried and begged to flow domicile yet my parents made me stay the two weeks, no longer giving me an common way out. It became right into a extensive warning call. by using the time Christmas injury got here over here college year i became into an honor roll scholars scouting prestigious faculties. It became into an entire turn-around for me. in keeping with probability your section has something comparable. attempt contacting the sherriff's branch or county courthouse. good success!!!

Answer 8

contact your local Juvenile hall sounds harsh but it could save her life,.
They should have a program where once she is signed up they will make up her rules, like going to school, coming home on time, following all of your rules etc.
If she doesn't follow through they'll deal with her
community service at first then maybe a weekend in Juvi, which sounds like it might straighting her out, also they can forbid contact with the boyfriend.
At least then you would have some thing to threaten her with that might scare her a little.
and you wouldn't be taking to court for her not going.

Answer 9

Take away heaps of privileges from her. The more she starts cooperating with returning to school and reimbursing her step-sisters money. The more privileges she recovers.

Answer 10

Contact the school counselor and the truancy officer. They can help assist you. What it may come down to, is putting her in a juvenile detention center.