Relationship help. Please only help, if your going to be polite & nice about it. Thanks.?

Question

Ok. Heres the long story. I've been dating this guy for 2 years and a few months. We've had A LOT of rough spots. People have told me to break up with him because he's an ***, but I always come back to him because I honestly love him. Now, I feel as if he doesn't apperciate me at all. Everything tends to be my fault, & if I was to EVER get pissed at him, all hell breaks loose. I know that if I broke up with him...a few weeks later we'd be together again. Please any help on what to do here? My friends don't understand because they have never been in a position like this, so they're not too much of a help. Hopefully some of you might be. Thanks alot. Your advice will be greatly apperciated.

I wanted to tell everyone who left me advice a HUGE thank you. It means a lot to me. They all helped me! =]

Answer 1

If a man doesn't respect you or value you, you will have a very hard time making a relationship work. Love is great but if he doesn't appreciate you, one day he will toss you and you will be left out in the cold. You need to demand that respect or move on, hell or not.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear that things are rough 4 u. What it comes down 2 even if u lv him is this ?. What do u need 2 do that is healthy 4 u? Identify the patterns + behaviors that make u feel uncomfortable. Write em down. Then set boundaries 4 ur self + write em down. If those r not honored than step back. If they r constantly ignored + u see no interest on his part in honoring them then it wld b better to step away cause thats what u'l end up doin 1nce u get sik enuf anyway. U can let him know what ur doin + ask if he wants to join u + look at what makes him feel uneasy.This might gv u both a btr undrstandin of each other. A peice of advice I was given: U can't help someone who is sick when u'r sick ur self. So do healthy things + don't let ur'self get sucked in2 the drama of unhealthy behavior. U deserve the best. Good luck:)

Answer 3

I have been in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I have gone out for the same amount of time, and we've definitely had our ups and downs. Lots of rough spots. He tended to carry grudges for a long time and be resentful towards me. I put up with it for months, until I realized how much the relationship was depressing me and bringing me down. Although we'd broken up a few times in the past, we always got back together soon afterward. Finally, enough was enough. I woke up one morning and decided that I deserved wayyy better. I broke up with him and THIS time, I didn't call, I didn't think of excuses to go see him, I returned his stuff by leaving it outside his door. I really just quit him cold turkey. It was the first time I did that (I didn't even know I had the willpower and strength) and five days later, he broke down. He showed up at my door, and I had never seen a sadder, more heartbroken man. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. Leaving him like that really scared him. It made him realize what I really meant to him and how I do things for him that none of his friends would ever be able to provide (support, comfort, love). I finally heard all of the things I'd been wanting to hear: that I was his best friend, that I treated him like a king, that he was wrong for taking me for granted. I heard him out, but I gave him no answers. I slowly took my time in thinking about what I wanted, and when I was ready, he was there to work with me. It's been bliss ever since. He really changed after that experience. Sometimes, it takes something drastic for a man to realize what he has. If I were you, I would literally just drop him for a few days. Let him feel lost and lonely, he'll probably come around. Good luck with your relationship!

Answer 4

I have a hard time understanding situations like this. The guy treats you like dirt, makes you feel bad, and doesn't appreciate you, but you still want to be with him? Psychologically it has been proven that some women are addicted to "drama" because it creates powerful emotional states in them, which make them feel good. Perhaps you fall into this category where all these rough spots are things that you sub-conciously make happen because of your need for drama, including the guys you choose to date. Not sure what advice I could give you, as logically it would seem that this is a no-brainer and you should be walking out the door ASAP. Psychology also points out very strongly that women tend to look for guys that are very similar to their fathers. Is this the case here?

Answer 5

Well I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and we have had rough spots also, and I used to feel like he didn't appreciate me. Earlier in our realtionship my friends and family told me to leave and but I chose to stay with him. Eventually we broke up for 3 months and during that time we grew, matured and realized what we wanted for ourselves. Later we got back together and since then everything has been great. If you feel like his attitude and anger is really hurting you and you can't take it anymore than you need to leave. But maybe both of you need to step back from the relationship and re-evaluate yourselves. Don't believe him when he tells you that everything is your fault, a relationship involves two people and he contributes to it as well. You need to figure out what you want from the relationship and from him as a boyfriend and demand those things. He needs to experience life without you and maybe he'll appreciate you after he realizes how much you mean to him. Either way I feel as though both of you need some time apart. You need to tell him how you feel about the relationship, and if he loves you he'll make some changes. If you don't see any changes then you need to move on.

Answer 6

Sit down and talk to him about everything. If you can't communicate in a relationship there's no point in being in a relationship. Tell him that you feel like you're being blamed for a lot. Talk nicely and don't accuse him of anything. As soon as defenses go up communication breaks down. He may be stressed about life, school, work, even the relationship. Guys have a tendency to shut down when their emotions get hurt.

You also need to sit down and think if you are truly happy. If you fight ALOT and they're big fights and you have to worry about getting upset because of all hell breaking loose, it sounds like you're not happy. If you're happy stay with him. If you're unhappy you need to move on because unhappy relationships aren't good.

Answer 7

Been there done that. It's never gonna change. I guess what you have to ask youself is, do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person and be miserable. Or do you think that you can change him? If that's the case, it will NEVER work. A person has to want to change. Your best bet is to leave him. Cut all contact with him and see what happens. If he cares about you, that may be just the thing to make him wake up and take a look at himself. Good luck hun. It's a very tough and painful situation to be in. It was the hardest decision to make to leave the man I loved with all my heart, but I just couldn't deal with it. We were together almost 4 years.

Answer 8

I think you are so used to being in a relationship with this guy that you cant imagine life w/o him. But if u believe in your self and stay strong you will be able to find the strength to leave him. In the end IT IS UR LIFE and it is up to YOU to take and STAND and make A CHANGE but only you can do that for your self if u kno that he isnt going to change and u feel hurt in the relationship then move on!! There is other guys and much more opportunities. It is better to walk away now than to be stuck with someone that make ur life miserable forever =).

Answer 9

It is very hard when a relationship turns sour to admit it is hopeless, but sometimes relationships do run their course. No one really wants to face the lonliness and hurt, plus trying to get back into the dating scene and find someone else is a little frigtening when you have been with one person for so long.
He may no longer be good for you, in fact you may be questioning how much you care, but there is safety in the familiar. We just get used to the security, even if we are miserable, and you do sound miserable.
Recently I began dating a man I had been crazy in love with years ago, but he had left me. Naturally I fell in love again..... It was fine at first, but eventually he seemed to panic at the idea of having a relationship. He insisted we be just friends, and almost seemed to dislike me at times, frequently snapping at me for no reason and hunting for ways to disagree.
I realized I really loved him, but it hurt every time I was with him. I felt the way you do and just didn't know what to do. It was so hard to decide to leave someone I loved and imagine him getting over it easily and finding someone else, while I was miserable. Eventually I had to end it, and yes I was and still am miserable. I fight myself everyday to keep from calling him, while at the same time hoping he will call me.
I don't know what to say, except that it hurts like h*ll, but I know it had to be done. We were never going to be happy unless he changed and he didn't want to. I will eventually heal, it just takes time and you will too.

Answer 10

One of my ex's was always blaming me or taking things out on me that had nothing to do with me. That relationship didn't last that long though because even when I talked to him about it nothing changed.The key word here is 'Ex'.

If he blows up when you bring up the issues with him but expects you to take it that's not good. Counseling may help if you think the realtionship is worth saving and if he would be willing to go and try. He would have to recognize his problem and want ot fix it before he can do anything about it.

People rarely change there ways. The odds are he will be like this sometimes or all the time forever. It's up to you to decide what you want in your life. What's worth taking up your time and what's not.