Never good enough?

Question

I feel like Im an enemy in my house. I cant think of one day When i got along with someone in my house. I love them all so much...But all we do is yell & fight. My Parents tend to tell me that I can always do better. I understand their trying to push me to acomplish things. But i get the feeling like i'm NEVER going to be good enough. My sister can sing, dance, is pretty, and she's one of the top kids in he grade. Well on her way to an ivy leage. My Brother is an outstanding athlete. He plays Travel soccer (around the country) and Can also sing and dance. I feel like I should be like them. Like i'm always pushed aside...and Not important.
To deal with this...I yell! Please don'ttell me I need to tlk to my parents about my feelings...Ive tried. I need to know how I can fight this feeling MYSELF. How I can change the way I look at things. (keep in mind, i'm 13 and the youngest, if that helps)

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in a similar situation since I was 12. I am the oldest of 3, and now 18, but my parents always told me everything I did wasn't good enough.

What I did may not be the best way to handle it, but I'll tell you what happened to me and how I think I could have done better.

I got really depressed for a long time, especially after a close friend died and my family told me to get over it.. .quite literally. I distanced mysef from my Mother, who was the cause of most of the problems, and tried to get close to my abusive father. That didn't work out very well. I gave up physical well-being for attempted mental well-being. I ended up unhealthy on both levels.
Today, I am in the middle of the process of distancing myself from both parents. They do not believe in what I know in my heart I can do. I use other means to build my confidence, like my amazing boyfriend who has helped me through this journey and continues to help me, and my friends, and certain selected family members that I can trust (though through this journey that family members list has shrunk exponentially). I focus on myself, on what I want to do, and what I want to accomplish. I am putting myself through college, in a major that I want to be in, and though at the moment I still live with my parents, I am in every way independent of them except we live in the same house.

However, it's not easy at all. There was and still is a lot of tears and heartbreak.

To deal with it yourself, you need to focus on yourself. Focus on the things that you are good at. Do YOUR best in school, not the best. Find something that you're interested in whether it's art, writing, music, anything. I found my outlet in writing at your age and have written in journals since I was 11. I have written 4 novels, 6 short stories, and countless essays and poems about real stuff that happens in people's lives that not everyone hear's/thinks about. And now, I'm in college majoring in writing, and I couldn't be happier.

Blow off the way they act towards you. Try your best not to take it personally, and stay strong above all. Wear a tough outer coat, but wear a tough inner coat too. Don't let anything they say get under your skin. My house is full of yelling and screaming everyday. Listen to music while you do your homework to drown it out.

The best thing you can do is not let it stress you out. Stress has caused so many serious medical problems for me in my short lifetime. It's the one thing you want to avoid as much as possible.

But, you will make it. I had an extremely hard road, and I made it farther than I ever thought possible. I know that you can too. You can e-mail me anytime if you want some words of advice or encouragement.

Good luck, keep your head up, and never forget that anything they say to you is only true if you believe it. As long as you know in your heart that it's not true, nothing they say can touch you.

*hugs*
-Stephanie

Answer 2

What you're going through is a very normal, yet very frustrating situation. Being the youngest, you're compelled to walk in the shadows of some very achievement-oriented siblings. This isn't a bad thing necessarily once you put things into a perspective you can use. First, the fact that you have accomplished siblings speaks to your gene pool; you have an equal capacity to achieve great things, but you probably aren't sure what those talents are yet. Trying to be "like" them is a waste of your energies. Instead, you should try (patiently) to discover what your gifts are and develop them to the best of your abilities.
Next, realize that this isn't a competition, at least, not one between you and your siblings. The on-going contest for you is to continue to improve (and to resist the temptation to compare yourself with anyone else). You were created to be unique, so you are. Your light will shine in time. Be patient with yourself in the meantime,and find out who you are. Good luck.

Answer 3

ohhhh i know exactly what u mean./. im the youngest and i have 4 siblings.... ofcourse my parents allways compare me to them and they are like "why cant u just be like them" i know.... and i also hate when people tell me to talk to my parents cuz they allways twist everything till it makes u look like u are wrong again....... i really had the exact same feeling as u have when i was about that age..... and i still sorto do.... but u should never be ashamed of who u are... and you are you and thats why people love u... im sure ur parents would hate it if you were exactly like your older brother... so just chilax and be urself.. little by little you will get some respect from everyone else and you will start having some characteristics that describe youself. (and im sure u do now but u just cant see them) but yelling and being upset is not going to help much.. try having a positive attitude towards life... ACT THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE...!
good luck......and every thing will be allright dont worry!

Answer 4

This is all normal feeling for your age. However, it seems you're having trouble keeping things in perspective. If talking with your parents is not an option you could try some therapy which will teach you some skills to look at things in a different manner and react to things differently. If you're not comfortable telling mom and dad you want therapy then talk to a school counselor or nurse. Best of luck!

Answer 5

you have to work on your own self-esteem and worth,Once you feel good about yourself you will feel much better about the things that are going on around you.It is not a bad idea to write down your thoughts in a journal.Keep a record of how you feel and what makes you happy.Giving help and frienship to others is very rewarding,Work on yourself,you are your own best friend.Maybe someone like a school counsellor might be helpful.Good Luck.

Answer 6

Yes, there is always never enough time...which sounds so much stranger when you say it like that. Would be nice to catch that Father, take away his scythe for a little bit...

Answer 7

Honey your just starting to get to know yourself at this age. I think you are totally looking at the situation the wrong way. Look at yourself for all of your good qualities. You have to start loving yourself somemore. I grew up much the same way. I learned Not to expect anyone else to tell me my selfworth.or Look to others for my happiness.

Answer 8

you need to find a way to be you, find and work at something your good at. Try not to yell your parents, maby they have a frusterating or stressful job. as for your siblings try to just look at them as role models and respect what they have done and congratulate them. Be you. No one else. Maby your good at drawing or math, work at it and do the best you can do.
Try not to worry about about your siblings, just be happy and try to look on the bright side of life. Do what ypu like to do but stay on your parents good side so maby they will notice your good doings.
just be you!
good luck

Answer 9

you're in a really tough situation. in my opinion, you need to make peace with yourself - all you can control is how much effort you put into your activities, not how well you preform. so do everything for yourself. Try to get good grades, and/or succeed in whatever it is that you do...just make sure that you are doing it for yourself. if you are happy with yourself, then no matter what anyone else says, you know you did your best, and you are happy with your effort. if you are happy with yourself, and you do things for yourself...no one can take that away from you.

Answer 10

i always used to feel like i'm never good enough. i still feel that way sometimes. i'm 15.
but i decided a while ago to just be myself, and if i wasn't good enough for my parents, then that was their problem, because i'm a good person. i have good friends. so i decided i didn't need their approval for everything in my life.


focus on school! focus on your friends!