My fiance doesn't have a stable job. I am worried about how we are going to live together. Any suggestions?

Question

Since rent should take up no more than 33% of your pay, that means that we would need a household income of at least $4500/month in order to live in a 1BR apartment in SoCal. He makes nowhere near that, maybe $2200/month. He has been searching for a good IT job in the area for over a year. His current employer's company will most likely go bankrupt very soon, and this employer has not given him a raise in over a year. I know my fiance is constantly looking for a job, but in all this time he's been to 2 or 3 interviews. When I ask him about how we are going to live on his current pay (I am a full-time student but am willing to take on a part-time job), he does not give me a direct answer: something like, "Don't worry about it; I will get a job." I love him very much, and I will never leave him, but it really worries me when I do not know how we will be able to support ourselves at the minimum. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should handle this situation?

Due to the type of answers I have received thus far, I would like to further explain that I go to UC Irvine, so I need to live somewhere close by. The rent I mentioned is pretty much the cheapest for a 1BR within the Orange County radius; I've done a lot of shopping around. So, I can't get anything cheaper.

Also, I would not consider myself in a hurry. We have been together almost 4 years, and I would like to get married within 1-2 years. I am just looking ahead... and I see some problems.

In response to the $2200 in IT comment, the reason he makes so little at his current job is because the company is a small business about to go out of business. They cannot afford to pay him more (or so they claim... but the boss takes random trips to New York and Vegas and got a new lease for an RV and a brand new Cadillac Escalade...hmm). He knows he is not getting paid what he is worth; that is another reason he is looking elsewhere.

In response to Lisa:
I say 33% b/c I think it's realistic. You have to count in food, gas, car insurance, health insurance, etc. I don't need anything extra except the Internet, which I use for school. I just want to live with the one I love. And we won't have any "big car payments." He owns his car, which is worth like 7k.

Also, I did mention that I am willing to take on a part-time job, which I am currently researching. I will be in school for the rest of my life (hahaha). Just kidding, actually just 6 more years. I plan to go into dentistry. By the way, our parents and the way we were raised would not let us cohabitate unless we're married, and I think it's rather unfair to ask me to wait 6+ years to get married and live with him.

Answer 1

This is an entirely legitimate concern, and you need to recall that money problems are the leading cause of relationship crashes. Given the circumstances, I unfortunately don't have much in the way of useful advice.

Answer 2

Maybe you can get that part time job , and perhaps you can have a small wedding for now. Once you graduate , im sure you will be making good money and then when you both have the income you can have the bigger wedding. If you get the job, that can take some of the edge off and help with the utilities and what not. I understand that you want to live with him and you love him, but maybe you should wait a couple of months until he finds that stable job to move in together. Just think, it will only be temporary. You guys love each other , so its okay to wait a little bit until you are nice and stable. I'm not saying you should wait like 7 years or anything like that. Just enough to where you will be okay, financially.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

He's IT now he's going to be IT forever.....in theory. The thing that sucks about IT is the dotcom bubble has burst. There just isn't much demand for IT guys unless you are going to run the Geek Squad at the local Best Buy. Its one of those jobs that used to have a really great demand but has fallen off and doesn't show any signs of rebounding, even if the economy does. You are wanting to marry an IT guy so you need to accept thatone month he may make 50k in consulting fees....then practically nothing for the next couple years. You need to be willing to live with that kind of instability for your income.

I would talk with him about trying to go to school and retraining for something recession proof like medical, or really anything that pays better. As for the paycheck I'm not sure why he is staying. Both my fiance and I make about that much working BS jobs like Mcdonalds where he would have more time to search for a better position. Is it glamorous? Hell no but it pays the bills and it's hard to eat principals and keep warm with them when you are on the streets. Besides that signing a lease on an apartment when you know his job is fixing to go kaput and he's had issues finding a replacement is stupid, stupid, stupid. You set your expenses based on your income, not the other way around.

In the meantime you need to do one of a few things:

1) Find an apartment outside of Orange County and commute
2) You go to school part time and accept a full time job
3) Apply for positions elsewhere in the country where cost of living is less then transfer schools
4) Find a roomate to share the bills
5) Look at crappier apartments and trim some of the fat from your budget (like going out alot, spend less on groceries, ride the bus instead of having a car etc.). I was offered a teaching position in that area so I've seen the apartments and the prices. You are not looking at places that are "the bare minimum" so to speak. Its nice to want a good place but his job sucks and you are in college. It's time to be grown up and realize you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Answer 4

It would be great if your rent were no more than 33% of your monthly income, but realistically, that's not necessary. It just means you can't afford a lot of extras -- like big car payments, which lead to big insurance payments, for example.

Also, yes, get a part-time job. It's normal to work while being a full-time student. It's not that hard, either.

Plus, keep in mind -- how much longer will you be a student? I assume you'll be graduating at some point, which means you'll be headed toward some type of professional career.

Remember -- the burden shouldn't be on him to support you both. Yeah, he might have a crappy job, and yeah, maybe he should go find something better...but it's a partnership, right?

Answer 5

Look carefully about his job hunt. Is he being conscientious about it? Or is he doing sort of a half-butted job of that? Because the economy's kinda crap right now, so it's understandable that he's having a bit of trouble. But if he's not working hard to find that new job, I'd have some serious reservations about the relationship. Is he proactive in other things? Is he reliable? Or is he a little lazy or flakey? How does he handle money generally? Is his credit good? Does he pay his bills on time?

Next, think about what your values are. How important is something like money in your life? I'm not talking about being rich here. I mean, how willing would you be to sacrifice some comfort for a while before you get a job out of school in order to be with him. Would you store your stuff at your folks' house and share a studio apt? Would you even live with your parents? Is that an option? Could one of you sell your car to reduce transportation costs? If his underemployment is more or less a permanent thing, do you think you'd be ok being the main breadwinner? Letting him stay home with the kids?

Looking really hard at these questions is important. I mean, you're getting into a relationship with this person for the rest of your life. It may not sound very noble to say "having money is important to me," but you'll be saying things a lot less noble if you're fighting over money every day for the next decade.

Finally, do you think getting married right now is the absolute best thing? Could you postpone the wedding until you're out of school? Until he has a bit more financial stability?

That's my best advice. Think hard. Check with a professional financial planner and/or a marriage counselor. And make a good decision.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you need to consider a part-time job and stop leaning on him to do everything. Yes, you're in school but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be contributing in some way. Personally, I think $2200 a month isn't a bad wage but then again, this is SoCal we're referring to.

Have you considered financial aid on top of a part-time job? He's only half of this relationship and it seems you want him to do everything and you nothing, unless I'm mistaken.

From where I sit, this isn't as huge of an issue as you're making it out to be. I think you simply need to buckle down, discuss what you both want and need, and come to a compromise that is financially suitable for the two of you. Remember you're in this too so do your share.

The economy and job market are rough right now. Even if he is putting out say 30 resumes a week there is no guarantee he'll land even 3 interviews.

Be a mature adult with him on this one and do your part, as I have said repeatedly. That's all you can do.

Answer 7

This is tough. I can certainly understand your concern. The fact is, something has to give. Your choices:

-Take some time off of school to earn enough money for your wedding. Then you can live together (married) and cut costs. 2 birds with 1 stone. You will have to sacrifice something to get ahead unless one of you wins the lottery or he gets an amazing offer.

-See if your campus has any cheap housing reserved for married students. They exist.

-Consider moving to a chepaer area/state and attending school somewhere else. Or at least do your undergrad somewhere cheaper.

-If either of your parents have money, ask them to help you pay for the wedding, and help you finish school.

-I doubt a part-time job will help much unless you have an actual skill (i.e. you are a student nurse), but you can try.

Good luck, and do some soul searching. If your fiance wants to make this work, he's going to have to try harder to find a decent job.

Answer 8

In almost all of California it's impossible to have your rent be only 33% of your income a month. Keep in mind your a young couple and things don't happen over night. He will just need to keep looking, and you will need to get a part time job to make it each month.
Once you graduate, you can look at where your both at, and maybe then decide if you want to leave the area or not.

Answer 9

What's the big rush? Why do you have to get married so soon? It's obvious that both of you aren't ready. He doesn't have a steady job and you are still in school. I'm not saying don't marry this guy. I'm just saying don't marry this guy right now. Wait until both of you can sustain yourselves independently with your own money. THEN start making plans to get married. That way you can start your marriage without any major problems (like him not having a job that pays enough for both of you).

Answer 10

Just encourage him to continue looking for jobs. My fiance and I live together (have been since we started dating) and he is only paid 1/2 of what I make, but we put in equal. I constantly encourage my fiance to continue looking for a new job so he can afford more of the expenses. Thats the only thing you can do.

Try to have trust in him that he will find a new job. Maybe help him out by looking as well. I know in Virginia, the school districts always need ITs to help out teachers. Has he tried looking at the state government jobs?

I hope that helps.

Answer 11

Sorry girl . Candid answer is DO not marry until he has a career track and both of u attend marriage and financial counseling . u'll make a young divorcee otherwise. the stats are such. have him read '48 days to work u love' d.miller 'total money make over' d.ramsey. u need to cut him loose b4 u get dragged under or have him stand up and do what he needs to.