Why is my sister so snobby and so not helpful?

Question

As some of you know the sitiuation with my mom. (She is recovering from brain surgery, needs 24/7 supervision)
One of my sisters (There are 7 of us) acts like she cannot come around because of our mom's little dog. It is a Fiest i think. Anyhow she "claimed" it smelled awful up there (which it does not) because of that dog, she said i would come up here more if that "animal" was tied up outside something my mom would not do cause she loves that dog too much
She calls it an animal like it is a Tiger running around in the house. She is so sorry for being this way. Like i have said our mom wiped our butts and was always there when we needed her in good and bad times, now it is our turn.
She claims she was sick all day long yesterday from that dog and i swear to you all it does not stink. We bath it every other day.
I know this hurts our mom. My other sisters are not wanting the other sister that i am talking about to not come back.

Should i tell her if she is going to act like to

to not come back. She is so pathetic, when the doctor told us that we all needed to come to the hospital when that happened to our mom, that she may die, do you know she made sure she was all dolled up? I threw my clothes on in like a minute and was off and gone. She makes me so sick.
I don't get why she thinks she is better than the rest of us. The rest of us are so down to earth but she acts like her sh*t does not stink.

Would you tell her to not even come back faking her help?
My sisters that is with mom right now said they are not going to answer the phone anymore when she calls.

What do you all think?

She is 26 years old, not a little kid anymore, she has two kids of her own.

Answer 1

I wouldn't force her to come or not. I'd kept in contact with her and tell her what's going on but whether she comes or not is on her head. What matters is that the people who matter are there. If she's not there because of some stupid dog (not that the dog is meanless btw) and something happens to your mom then that will be her guilt to deal with.

Answer 2

I have been through this when my parents got older.My dad was placed in a nursing home and my mom went to live with my sister.Before the separate living arrangements for my parents it became evident that all my siblings were unwilling or unable to share the responsibilities so our parents could live in their home.My dad required a lot of attention and it became just too much for our mom as she was developing health issues of her own.My dad was heart broken about being placed in a nursing home and I can assure you it was nothing short of hell to have hime placed there.He felt betrayed and i can only hope he understood it was a necessary evil.I also come from a large family and found that some were so involved in their own lives they felt that someone else would pick up their slack. I am like you in that I also just threw on a coat and got to the hospital as quickly as I could.Some people lack the capacity to put someone elses needs first.I don't know why.It is upsetting because you know you have the same parents so why such diverse reactions to a difficult situation? All I can tell you and your siblings is to continue to do your best for your mom.You cannot waste time trying to get everyone to step up to the plate and do the right thing.You will wear yourself out quicker with the additional stress. Did the discharge planner at the hospital discuss the availability of homecare help to offer your family from some of the responsibilities of caring for your mom.Did the hospital set up any in home physio for your mother to help in her recovery?Maybe she could also get councelling to help with her depression? Have you made sure that someone ha talked to your mom about being power of attorney for her if she becomes unable to make her own decisions? You have a rough road ahead but somehow you will find the inner strength to do what must be done.If a neighbour or friend offers to help you please accept their help.It will give you some respite from all the new responsibilities and these people reallly want to support you.Remember to take it one day at a time.It can all be overwhelming. Take care.

Answer 3

don't ask her for help anymore when it comes to mom.
pick a day or two out of the week when someone will take the dog a bath when that sister is visiting have a candle burning of her favorite scent and let her know this in advanced so ''your mom may see her for a while.
do it for mom not ''ms so n so''.if you see it that way it will easier to do.the dolled up thing is obvious that she feels ugly.and worries constantly about the way she looks.
do not let your mom know whats going on.so she is not burdened with this nonsense.(also let sis know that the tiger will be out of the area.)if mom asks for the dog while your sister is there let her know that its out for a walk and maybe you should be the one to walk doggy just to get out for a while and to avoid ''ms so n so''GOOD LUCK♥she will not change so do it for mom♥i have 2 mean sisters,and a loving mom.my mom lives with me.im 36.they are 47 and 49 and i been waiting for them to change for y e a r s .

Answer 4

she could be scared, its a big thing in a young girls life. She may not know what to do when she does see your mom and that makes her very uncomfortable. Maybe you should talk to her because I don't think she is doing this because of the dog.

Answer 5

you should talk to her but not alone, you and your other siblings should all talk to her about her behavior, let her know that this is unacceptable and that she needs to get over herself and help out with the care of your mother! If after this discussion she still wants to be a snot, you all should stop talking to her for while to make your point.

Answer 6

remember that everyone deals with things in there one way, she may be hurting too. This i am sure, is a hard time for her as well, I am deaply sorry that your going through this, your mother will be in my prayers

Answer 7

talk to ure sis heart to heart. it sounds like she is overwhealmed by this terrible situation and simply refuses to deal with it. about ure mom...soooo sorry. it sounds like ure a tough person who can get thru it. hope i helped

gabi

Answer 8

IDK