My friend, let's say her name is Bob. She's had a bad past, which makes her narrow minded and stubborn. And she's atheist. And every time she brings up religion, she brings down mine. I don't say anything because I don't want to cause problems. but lately, I've gotten sick of it. So I told her i was sick of her kicking at my religion and she blamed it on me because she thought that I accused her of putting down my religion, like everybody else does. And I found it stupid because there's a reason everyone does that. It's not like everyone accuses because she doesn't, it's because she does. I know I have to accept that there's people like that, but should I really have to endure so much pain for her? I never forced Jesus on her, I never judged her like that. I haven't made her cry like that. I never made her cry for 5 hours. Don't get me wrong. I love her, but should I really stay friends with her if she can't respect my religion? Should I really hurt myself for her?
2007-12-05 08:52:53 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Oh, she had a bad past which made her narrow minded and stubborn..not atheism. Like she's had some situations which she felt like she couldn't control like her dad smoking and getting hung over and her mom getting abused..things like that. But I didn't see that as an excuse to do that.
2007-12-05 09:21:21 · update #1
She really isn't a bad person. She genuinely has a nice heart but, I guess...she doesn't know it when she's hurting people. But when we try to tell her how we feel, she sorta just...tries to make an excuse for doing it or tries to justify her wrong. But so I want to help her, but it seems like I can't do that without hurting myself or like killing myself. But it's sorta like she's attacking me rather than my religion...but more leaning toward religion. But I've tried to be a better person for her and the people around me, but I'm no influence towards her. Last time I tried to help, she disregarded my help and then began arguing why I was wrong. I don't know..she's just complicating my life. I don't know if I should take it..or leave it because everyone is giving me so many good but different answers...I see two sides of it, but I don't know which to choose...THANKS EVERYONE!
2007-12-05 09:36:47 · update #2
NO! but, do avoid her! a lot of negativity going back and forth.
2007-12-09 08:40:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, what makes you think she's actually your friend if she's constantly attacking your beliefs? How are you helping her if you're being respectful of her beliefs while she's attacking yours? By being a "good Christian" and turning the other cheek? Maybe you're secretly hoping that if you model what a Christian is supposed to be she'll see the light and come over to your side. This isn't going to happen. I'm not a Christian OR an Atheist, but I do have a sister who is incredibly stubborn and narrow-minded, thinks her way is the only and the best way, and attacks me whenever I disagree with her, so you know what? I don't talk to her. And this is my SISTER. Your friend obviously doesn't care about your feelings or your beliefs, and it doesn't matter how much you model your religion to her, she isn't going to change, and she isn't going to stop until she errodes your beliefs or your self-esteem. You have no obligation to stay friends with this person. Tell her once and for all that you respect her beliefs, and she needs to respect yours, or you can't continue to be friends. Then stick to that.
)O(
2007-12-05 09:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds very insecure. I can see her talking about your religion if she saw that it was harmful to you and she was worried, but what you are describing sounds like she is not happy with herself and a bit jealous of your happiness, so she needs to pick at it.
It needs to stop now. Let her know that her picking on your beliefs is getting old. Tell her she can either agree to disagree with you and leave the subject of religion alone, or you will bid her adieu.
By being her friend when she treats you like this only gives her permission to abuse you again. Give her an ultimatum. and follow up on it.
Having friends is a good thing, but it's a destructive thing when your friends are abusive towards you and you don't need this. It doesn't matter what her beliefs (or lack of) are. There is no excuse for her to treat her friends badly.
You can love her, certainly, but it is not love to let her walk on you. You are doing her a disfavor by being her doormat. This only teaches her that she can be mean to people and get away with it.
You didn't say what your religion is, but I'll bet that it backs what I just said.
2007-12-05 09:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she does not respect you. I would no longer be friends with someone who gave so little thought to your feelings. Personally I am Catholic. I have plenty of friends who are atheist. They do not tell me I am stupid and I do not tell them they are stupid. I can talk about religion with them and it not turn into a belittling conversation. A lot of people cannot talk about religion without getting really worked up so one has to be careful about what you say.
The problem here is not that she is attacking your religion in particular. The problem is that she attacks something you care about. It would mean no difference if she was constantly putting down a member of your family. It is just poor manners and just plain rude. If she doesn't agree with you about this she could just choose not to say anything about it and you could remain friends but since she attacks you and belittles you I would say to no longer be friends with her.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
2007-12-05 08:59:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sara M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you from experience that if you and your friend can't learn to a) agree to disagree and b) live and let live (which I guess are the same thing), it's likely your friendship won't withstand the issue.
One of my best friends became a big-time evangelical Christian. I didn't like being preached to about a) how I should behave; b) how I should raise my children; c) how blessed she and hers were; and d) how 3/4 of the world was hell-bound because of various and sundry "heretical behavior." Her husband, who she assumed these ways for, was worse. When she told me allowing my son to play with Bionicles was "sinful" because the corresponding storyline was "Pagan in nature," I'd had enough.
It still makes me sad, but we aren't friends anymore.
Conversely, one of my closest friends now is an atheist. We respect each other's views and it doesn't affect our friendship. How interesting is it that the atheist is more tolerant than the evangelical?
2007-12-05 08:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she offends you bring it up with her again. Don't drag others into this. Tell her if she does that again she'll feel more pain. Plus, ignore the bleating of the sheep that say 'I hope she finds Jesus'. Also try to understand her Atheism.
EDIT: The first two posts are right! Plus, I'm glad you don't force your religion on her. That is a very noble thing to do. NEVER force religion!
2007-12-05 08:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by Buffy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that one was hard to follow. Ok - so she brings up your religion then bashes it? If you don't bring it up and she spontaneously talks about your religion and bashes it, I would say something like "I can't talk about my religion with you. I'd like to, but you haven't been open to the discussion. Please don't criticize my beliefs though since it does hurt coming from a friend."
If she continues to do it I would excuse myself with very friendly "Hey - I've got to go for a bit. When you're done complaining about religion let me know and I'll come right back."
Did I get that one right? :)
2007-12-05 09:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by Mickey P 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People will criticise Christianity, and they'll criticise you for being a Christian. You should expect it (2 Corinthians 2:15-16; John 15:19-21).
In this case you can show her the truth of Christianity by being different to everyone else. Be patient with her. Don't take it personally when she criticises - you can be confident that Christianity is true so you don't need to be offended by it. Stay friends with her.
2007-12-05 09:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you want to stay friends, you have to set boundaries. Religion is not up for discussion unless she sincerely wants to learn. When it comes up, say I love you Bob, but I won't talk with you about this. Let's change the subject or I'll see you later.
2007-12-05 08:58:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your first premise is wrong. A bad past doesn't make one atheist. 2nd premise is wrong, being atheist doesn't make one narrow minded and stubborn. Which, in saying that, makes you narrow minded and stubborn. Her acting this way has nothing to do with her atheism (i.e., not all atheists act this way). She is simply not a good friend in general.
2007-12-05 08:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by Beletje_vos AM + VT 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Here's advice from a Christian: What would Jesus do?
Would Jesus turn the other cheek, and keep loving "Bob" anyway, or would He desert her?
Try to put yourself in her shoes. Maybe she feels like God doesn't exist, because He wasn't there for her in her hour of need. And MAYBE God put you in her life for a reason.
Believe me, I do understand where you're coming from. I have friends like that myself. I just let them vent until they're done, and then either talk about something else, or just tell them I'm sorry they feel that way.
I'll be praying for your friend, and for you.
2007-12-05 09:00:17 · answer #11 · answered by The_Cricket: Thinking Pink! 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋