Are children really so different these days?

Question

I see so many questions on here asking about how to deal with "backchatting" and so on and all sorts of complicated answers being given.I've noticed the same with many modern day parents "negotiating" with their children over the most trivial of issues.
In my day children did as they were told or else and they were better for it - they may not have liked it all of the time but they had security and then could do as they pleased (within reason!) once *adult*.
So why do so many modern day parents think that they have to treat their children as "equals" rather than giving them (the children) the assurance that someone (the parent) is in control whilst they (the children)develop their own self-confidence in their *own* time and at their own pace within *boundaries*?
I'm getting pretty sick and tired of the manipulative ways my eldest grandson is showing and if it wasn't for the fact that when he is here he jolly well knows that "No" means "NO" and no questions asked I'd fear for him

No "Jay C" - I don't just like my eldest grandson I *love* him as I do them all and is why I wish to see them grow up decently - which is also why he doesn't answer *me* back because if he did he'd have a smacked bottom just as his Father had and is why all of *my* boys turned out so well.

Answer 1

You don't really like your eldest grandson do you Joan? most of your moaning threads are about him now.
Does he take after his Mum and answer you back?

You never mention your youngest.
But the middle grandson is all you really care about , is that because you can control him?.

Edit
Joan
As you have been told many times before 'THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN' so stop trying to control their lives and let their parents bring them up their way.
Your son couldn't have been brought up that well by his mother if he lets his own kids manipulate him like that can he?
He didn't really take in anything you say you taught him did he?

Answer 2

I mean, to some extent I agree. But I also think that different kids respond differently to different things. I would have been an awful kid if my parents had been really strict with me, because people telling me what to do all the time has always made me want to do the opposite. I was given a fair amount of freedom though (with a lot of guidance from a lot of great people), growing up, and I was a pretty perfect teenager for my parents and teachers, and did very few "bad" things growing up.

It's all dependent on the kid and what they're going to try to get away with.

There have actually have also been studies that show that bratty kids turn into successful adults because they've learned to be pushy, not take no for an answer, and have a sense of entitlement. These are definitely not the people I want to be sharing the world with! But, parents who are really concerned with their kids "getting ahead" may see their style of parenting as giving their kids an advantage in the long run.

Answer 3

it's not that children are any different, it's just that there are more people who make bad parents having children. then they have children and they also know nothing parenting skills, and so it goes on, expanding down the generations. Parenting classes should be compulsory for ALL. Don't ask me how you could police this but people on benefits could have their benefits stopped if they don't attend and pass the parenting class, for starters.

If I had a job to do that I hadn't done before, I'd get training, and being a parent is one big whopper of a job, why do we get training and non financial support for other jobs yet the biggest one in the world anyone can do with no training at all, then they muck it up and we wonder why!

Answer 4

children need and actually want boundaries. alot of problems arise through lack of boundaries. children are children, its a parents job to guide them into becoming decent adults who can make a good choice and recognise a bad choice. children will always push a parents boundaries. its what children do. its how they find out what is acceptable and what isnt. my children will not chat back to me. my three yr old has just started but i can assure you it wont last for long. i dont negotiate, i use that as a last resort and always make sure they have a far more horrible choice than what i want from them anyway. my children are not equal to me. i will not get down on my knees to talk to them, why? because we're not equals. i think alot of it stems from wanting a quiet life, give em what they want and they'll be quiet. i dont think parents realise that if you give in just once, you've already made a rod for their own back. i give praise to my children for being who they are and when they've done something worth praising so they know they're valued, but i will not be dictated to by little people i gave life to. good question. children arn't different, society, the environment and social norms are different.

Answer 5

Obviously children from all generations can be cheeky or naughty. It's been going on since babies were first born no doubt.

However, I've seen the difference from how my much younger brother was when he was growing up to my nine year old nephew today. My brother was cheeky and childish naughty- my nephew is actually very rude. The difference is my parents spent more time with us than my sister spends with my nephew I believe.

Yes my brother loved tv and games consoles, but he had a bath ,tea and a bedtime story. My nephew is just left to do his own thing and has no routine- with a tv, computer and dvd in his room- goes to sleep watching tv. So I blame the parents and modern society, not the kids for their lack of social graces.

Answer 6

I think you make an almost good point Joan - however,.......

I am a mum of a 7 yr old girl and I don't think you should rule kids with an iron rod. Don't get me wrong my child does not walk over me but to some extent I think negotiation is a far better way to raise kids. I was told what to do and when to do it nd all that made me do was rebel when I was a bit older......I think if you give a kid options they will nearly always choose the right one and when they don't they have to face the consequences....(within reason of course!) Surely that is a better way of instilling discipline, confidence and a sense of being independent into a child.

Answer 7

Children are different. When I was a child, we didn't grow up with the idea that the world owes me. We we taught to earn what we wanted. Kids today think that everything should be given to them, not earned. I was allowed to pick my own clothes and things but was not allowed to dress as they do today - either like a porn queen or a freak of nature. When I grew up and bought my own clothes, then I was allowed dress as I wanted. The list could go on.

To me, the system has taken away our power to discipline our children. If you put them in their room for an extended period of time, it's considered neglect. If you put them to be without dinner, it's considered neglect. If you swat your young children, it's considered abuse. If you disallow some of their social activities, you're accused of neglect and making them social outcasts and stunt their emotional growth.

We can only do the best we can, set decent examples, and hope for the best.

Answer 8

I feel kids grow up to quickly now Joan, when I was 12 I still played with Barbies, my 12 year old stepdaughter hasn't been near a Barbie for about 4yrs, WTF is that about?

Saying that though I feel my role as a parent is to raise my children to be happy confident independant adults, and to do that it means giving them more space to make their own choices and to learn that they are responsible for their actions, of course though there has to be limits set at different ages!

Your grandson is 9, pretty soon hormones will be kicking in and he'll be going through puberty, it's not just toys that kids are growing out of quickly, loads of girls are starting their periods now a 10 and 11, so I can imagine your grandson may be pretty confused about the way he's feeling just now, and that's why he's pushing those boundaries!

Answer 9

I believe that children need their parents to know what their role is in their children's life.They are not their pal ,nor are they their equals.Children need to know that their parents love them especially when they tell them no.Since the parentis supposed to be smarter than the child ,parental choices should not be up for negotiations with the child.The children should grow to love and respect their parents,knowing that they have done their best to given them a strong foundation upon which t build their lives. I cannot understand how some children have come to think that they they are equals with their parents.It is a sad commentary that some children will never have the security and comfort of knowing that their parents love them ,not as their buddies, but as their children.Children need boundaries and structure to reach their fullest potential.If this isn't begun in early childhood when do these wee ones get that type of foundation? Too many parents want to appear cool to their children.I wasn't cool at 16 and I certainly wasn't cool as a parent but I was always fair.

Answer 10

alot of the difference is: today's kids are more influenced from society, environment, social skills or lack of and unfortunately parenting skills. Being that we are such a diverse nation with the ave family bringing in two or more incomes. Thus leaving children emotionally neglected. I'm not saying abused. Just stating the fact that bonding and social skills are learned at a early age. Day care doesn't provide the skills needed at a early age. Google Ferrel children. It's a sad but true fact. Not all children are this extreme, but when you look into the family life it brings you to wonder

Answer 11

i am a 15 year old boy, who, having grown up in "todays society" can confidently say i am a well rounded, decent human being. some of the answers i have read are not only ageist, they are also completley absured! there is no such thing as the right way to bring up a child. my mum fell out with my grandparents on many occasions because they thought she was bringing me and my twin brother up the "wrong way" but i tyhink if most of you would open your eyes to the reality of life for todays youth, you would notice that onoly the tiny majority of all children are rude and rebellious. we dont all do drugs and skyve school you know.......some of us are just normal people, not prt of thew so called "yob culture" that is apparently sweeping britain

one more thing. to your comment " why do so many modern day parents think that they have to treat their children as "equals"?"
i would just like to say that maybe treating your child as an equal and not as an inferior being would instill a sense of respect in them. my mum always taught me that to get respect you have to give it.