my boyfriends dad died...?

Question

he died 6 months ago and he is really upset...hes 15 and so am i....what should i do????!!!!!
i dont know what to say when he brings it up....

Answer 1

no kidding - this will be a long grief process

his idol has been taken - and there is no replacement
for 'your' dad's advice - mine was superb in my 20's and 30's and I howled when I lost mine when I was 45

just be there for him - listen - encourage -
if you are proud of him - tell him
his ego may have taken a great blow - but he will
really be strong when he comes out of this

and careful how you use this one-

Your dad would be very proud of you!

some times the best we can say - is - nothing
just listen and hold his hand - give him a hug

super tough time - my hat is off to you
other girls would have run the other way

wow - are you special! or what !!!!

all the best

Answer 2

Well at least he brings it up. But I have been in that position and all you can do is be there for him. Listen to him even though you are bored of hearing it. Take him out to places to get his mind off of it and I guess just be a shoulder to cry on. And I'm sure he will be appreciative and you're relationship will be great!

::Hugs::

Answer 3

You don't really need to say anything. You need to be there for him. Listen to everything he says. Let him know you care about him and his feelings. Don't try to act like you know how he feels, because you don't. He'll take it the wrong way if you try to. Just simply let him deal with it how he needs to. The grief process is different for everyone... Don't let him take it out on you though and if he does try to let him know kindly. His life has drastically changed and his heart is hurting. Try and make him feel better, little things matter the most!

Answer 4

Just make sure to tell him that you'll always be there for him. My dad died when i was 10 and i never talked to anyone because no one told me that they were there for me to talk to. so atleast saying that, hell know that when he needs to let things out and talk about them he can go to you, because you'll be there for him. And in the end, he'll always remember that you were there for him when he needed someone the most.


ps. when he talks about it, you dont really need to say anything just listen to what he says. its not very often that guys vent about these things.

Answer 5

It will take him a very long time to deal with this. He will not "get over it", but he will "get on with it" at some point. There are some very good books out there on loss. You should read some and perhaps pass them on to him?

I found this book very helpful to me, "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry L. Sittser:

http://www.amazon.com/Grace-Disguised-Jerry-L-Sittser/dp/0310219310

There isn't really much that you can do, other than be there for him as a shoulder to cry on. I actually was angry at my father, but didn't feel that I had the right to feel that way and tried to supress my emotions. Many people do get angry that the person left them. In my case, my father was really good at baseball, but for various reasons, he never taught me how to play. I had said to myself, "that's okay, I'm not going to angry with him about that, but when I have kids, I will take them to him and ask him to teach them how to play (especially because I don't know how)". Well, he died before I had kids. It's stupid, but the whole baseball thing really just made me hurt and angry again. It was something I needed to work through. The book I read really helped. It gave me permission to be angry and therefore permission to get past my anger and forgive him.

Don't forget to take time to grieve yourself. You've experienced a loss here too, if you had a relationship with him at all. Here are some other books that might help:

http://www.divinetruthchristian.com/product.asp?sku=0806642637

http://www.amazon.com/What-Can-Do-Experienced-Lutheran/dp/0806653272/ref=sr_1_64?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196892761&sr=1-64

http://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Father-Dies-Deals/dp/0785263667/ref=sr_1_69?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196892761&sr=1-69

http://www.parablesomaha.com/parable/item.Nobodys-Child-Anymore-Grieving-Caring-and-Comforting-When-Pa.9781893732216.htm

http://www.parablesomaha.com/parable/item.How-Can-I-Help-Reaching-Out-to-Someone-Who-is-Grieving-Kolf-.9781555611873.htm

http://www.parablesomaha.com/parable/item.When-Men-Grieve-Why-Men-Grieve-Differently-and-How-You-Can-H.9781577490784.htm

Answer 6

Time will heal his pain, but right now let him know you are there for him, keep encouraging him and always have an open ear. BEING THERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! Let him know that he can talk to you regardless of the time or place. Sorry for the loss.

Answer 7

When he brings it up just tell him that his dad is in a better place and one day he well soon meet with his Dad again and that whereever he goes his dad can still see him where ever he is.

Answer 8

Be there for him. Listen when he needs to talk. Just by sticking with him through this, he'll appreciate. it immensely. Plus, don't forget how a hug can help soothe a grieving heart, so be generous with them.

Answer 9

First pray for him and his family. Just give him that should to cry on and tell him that if there is anything you can do to ease his pain. Tell him just that "I know it hurts and I'm here for whatever you need" Just let him know he's loved.

Answer 10

Talk with him about fond memories of his dad.
The grieving process will take at least a year or longer.