I went to a wedding this summer of a college friend.
Well it was predominately a Jewish wedding. I'm Asian.
When I got to reception they seated me at an empty table with their housekeeper. I was shocked , humiliated, insulted because I thought she was my friend. That night I was just a stranger to her obviously.
Did I mention I spent $500 on their gift ?
I'm over it now but I look back and I think it was pretty racist of them . Why did she invite me if she didn't know where to seat me ?
2007-12-05 07:28:40 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Did I mention - I was approached by the groom's father for a dance. I gladly accepted only to find out his girlfriend later complained to the bride ( my friend) ..." The Asian girl was touching him"
I knew all her other friends. I was hurt and surprised when I was not seated with rest of her friends.
2007-12-05 13:39:57 · update #1
I'd say you don't have enough inofmration to make judgments or be insulted. It's very difficult to make seating arrangements for a wedding. Did you know other guests? Because people often go as couples to a wedding, she may not have had a single seat at a table for you. Not everyone can sit at the front table. I'm sure she had difficult choices to make. If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't have invited you (and you send out the invitations long before you even think about a seating chart). And, do you think the housekeeper was "shocked, humiliated, insulted" to be seated with you? How snobbish and classist of you. And, so you know, the value of the gift you bring doesn't buy you a better seat. The gift should reflect the level of the friendship, not where you expect to be seated.
2007-12-05 07:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Seating arrangements take a great deal of time and effort....and create A LOT of frustration. My family all had opinions on who should sit where and it never matched with my arrangement. If I did not invite people that I didn't know where to seat them....I would have invited no one. Seating cannot be determined until all invitations have been replied to.
Personally, I invited a few people from high school and a few from college and did my best to seat them together since they would share some things in common. But my co-workers had to be split in two tables... 6 people sat at one table, but then two had to sit at a table with strangers. It is just the way things happen that people end up sitting with people they have never met.
No one at a wedding is a stranger to the people getting married....you are all there to celebrate their union. Perhaps there were other people that were supposed to be seated with you, but did not show up? I went to a wedding where everyone that was supposed to be at my table, oddly enough, did not make it. It was just myself and my sister at a table of 8. I can't imagine they crowded people at all the other tables...but left your table with only two people when they did the seating arrangements. I'm not sure thinking they are racist quite yet... just think that they invited you because they wanted you there to celebrate. Someone who was racist probably would choose not to bother even inviting people outside their race.
And wow...$500... that is a very bold gift! But it doesn't change anything about the seating...that is done before they get your gift. I hope they sent you a fantastic thank you card. And perhaps mentioned they were sorry about your quiet table. That wedding I went to?... they apologized profusely for our empty table:)
2007-12-05 07:50:58 · answer #2 · answered by Kim 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would not say racist. But, they probably seated all the relatives together and non-relatives seperate. Since you were just a "college friend", I understand completely that you weren't seated at a table with all family members.
I think most couples seat their family at one table and friends at another. Most people don't mix the two.
Also, the empty table might have been a last resort. Most banquet halls only allow a certain set # of people at one table.
So, let's do an example. If 10 people were allowed at each table and there are 152 guests, that's 15 full tables of 10 guests. That means, 2 guests will have to be seated at a seperate, NOT full table.
I would not think it was racist, but I do think you have to look at your friendship.
I would probably seat my college friends at one table w/ co-workers or other non-family members.
As for the $500 gift. That's a LOT for just a friend. I'm usually give pretty generously at weddings. But, for friends I usually give no more then $150.
2007-12-05 08:01:12 · answer #3 · answered by J'adore 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I seriously doubt that your race had anything to do with where you were seated, and also do not insult people that work as house-keepers, that is snobby, and being a snob is as bad as someone being a racist, honestly, at least that house-keeper has a job, and is working, it's good honest work! Prejudice of any kind is wrong. Having been on the end of racist remarks myself I know how much it can hurt, but really, pulling the racist card over a seating plan is a bit much.
2007-12-05 19:20:52 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly how was that racist? Do you know any of her other friends or family? Also, why would you spend $500 on a gift for a friend from college? Your question is starting to sound pretty bogus.
2007-12-05 13:20:52 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have been invited to the wedding but did you RSVP in time to make the deadline? If she didn't know you were coming then that could of been the only seat left open after all of the ones that RSVPed were sat.
2007-12-06 03:31:27 · answer #6 · answered by Jayne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would be upset too. I have had that happen to me-in a different way. It was not a racist action against me, but I totally understand your feelings on that. You do feel like an outcast when you made a very generous attempt to be apart of their day.
I would just make sure you know the people at future weddings or do not attend. that one wedding probably left a bad taste in your mouth.
2007-12-05 08:20:31 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with everyone about not pulling out the "race card" just yet.
You might have been seated at the table of "non-family" and perhaps not everyone that RSVPd showed up and that is why your table was mostly empty. Which was rude on their part.
2007-12-05 07:43:34 · answer #8 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
being newly married ( Sept ) it is one of the hardest things to do. the seating chart you have so many worries. family with family wait this one doesn't like this one wait you cant mix them they need to be with aunt so and so but what about this one he needs to see uncle bob but uncle bob is near aunt June and they haven't spOKen since god only knows ok we will put them over here great oh wait sue is over there and when she was over she did that thing that uncle bob hated **** where do we put all these people who don't like anyone ( family go figure ) now you have to worry on the friends well YOU DON'T. you come as a guest and not to worry where you sit. go eat drink give your gift get a dance and enjoy yourself.
2007-12-05 09:26:18 · answer #9 · answered by jammer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why do you say it was racist? maybe she didnt do the seating arrangments though, sometimes on e of the bridesmaids does it or the mother in law or mother.... because they know the family members sit together, business associates etc.... I wouldnt take it personally..... not at all, she probably wasnt even aware of it. and at the wedding, she has so many people to pay attention to, I am sure it wasnt malicious...
2007-12-05 07:38:17 · answer #10 · answered by Miss Rhonda 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋