What would be a good punishment for a 7 year old who backtalks constantly?

Question

I have tried many things. Nothing really works.. .

Answer 1

if he has a computer don't let him use for a week or take away the tv for a week, if it doesn't work take away both of them for a week

Answer 2

I would start with a sitdown discussion, where you explain exactly what you mean by backtalk to your child, and say that it is disrespectful and is going to stop.

Then, you have a graduating scale of consequences each and every single time he does it. At your initial sitdown talk, you would explain exactly what that scale is going to look like.

First, a warning that this is backtalk - kids this age deserve a chance to fix the behavior. If he continues, an immediate consequence - I like losing TV for a day. Another incident would merit taking away something really important to him - like a birthday party.

Give it about a week, and I'll bet you see a big turnaround.

A couple of caveats, though - I think it's a good idea to give children a constructive way to express feelings of unfairness or anger. Who knows? Maybe you will act unfairly one time, or not stop to listen when he's really trying to tell you something. So, I think you should create some kind of "appeal" process - maybe it's writing a letter explaining why he thinks what you did was unfair, or why he wasn't backtalking, or maybe it's an opportunity to sit down with you the next day and present his case. If you hear back from him, and think that you really did make a mistake, own up to it - your credibility will increase enormously, because you will show that you take this seriously but fairly. But let him know that if you disagree with his position, your decision will remain final.

Also, I absolutely hated the suggestion from one person, who said you should take away toys, but not really, just store them for awhile and then give them back. Pretend consequences totally wreck your credibility, because kids know the next time that they don't have to take you seriously. Choose punishments/consequences that you can carry through with.

Oh, and I'm all in favor of timeouts, but forget about making a kid just stand in a corner of the house - there's consequences, and then there's humiliation. None of us should be in the business of humiliating our children.

Answer 3

General: Watch what he does each day. If he's a normal 7 year old boy, he'll have a few favorite things to play with or do that will shift around. Identify these things. Keep a running list in your head, remember it will shift around, so keep an eye on it. Round 1: Take away the #1 item on the list. If that doesn't do it, take #2, then #3 and so on. They are gone for 24h. Make him pick them up and deliver them to you. Round 2: Take the same things away for longer, 48-72h Round 3: Same thing, but take it to Goodwill. Give it away or throw it away. Make him put it in the bin. Always make sure he knows precisely what he is getting punished for. After the punishment is over, make him explain to you why he was punished, and what he thinks will happen if he does it again. (hint: It should ALWAYS get worse for each identical transgression) He can be punished for the actual transgression (throwing a toy) and be given more punishment for backtalking about the punishment he receives for throwing the toy. Throwing the toy & backtalking are two things. There are two offenses, so there are two punishments. Specifics: Throws something : He has to pick it up, apologize, and get a time out. Throws something at you/hits you/etc : Isolation. In his room with the door closed, not allowed to come out, etc for a period of time (30min-1hr) Backtalk/whining : whatever he's whining about or is backtalking about just got worse. Took away his toy & he backtalks? OK, there goes another toy. Isolation for hitting your sister and you whine about it? Your time doesn't start until I can't hear you whining.

Answer 4

I use a combination of things. It depends on what they are back talking about. In the event it's over whether or not they have to eat a meal then I simply say ok if you won't eat now then you won't eat until the next meal and you will get the same thing you are having now (this works great if you actually follow through with it more than once). If it is over whether they are going to pick up thier room....I allow 1 no then I put them in thier room and ask again the 2nd no constitutes me to get a black trash bag and start uncerimoniously tossing all the objects into the bag and making motions like I'm throughing them away (don't really through them away....just make it look like you are and then put them in storage for a couple weeks). After this happens a couple time the child learns there is a consequense for back talking me. However if it is a general every day almost anything type of back talk you need to be very firm and diligent. If the say no or back talk you you simply remind them that you are the parent and they the child and that like it or not you do know what is best for them.....if that doesn't work (it usually doesn't) then they get soap in the mouth until they can talk nice or they go to the corner until they can listen or if none of that works a quick pop (don't slap, don't hit, just a pop....no marks, no pain just a noise) them on the cheek to get thier attention. I'm telling you honestly that at this age it will take a minimum of year of diligent work to break this nasty habit. I wish you best of luck and hope you keep your paitience.
Momma_Bear

Answer 5

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RE:
What would be a good punishment for a 7 year old who backtalks constantly?
I have tried many things. Nothing really works.. .

Answer 6

Obviously punishment isn't working, so perhaps a change in your mental approach is needed - punishment isn't the answer.

Your child talks back because he or she (I'll assume 'he' for ease) gets what he wants when he does it. But what he wants might not be what you think. Maybe all he wants is to be heard by you. Perhaps he doesn't get your attention unless he's being "bad". In other words, do you give him attention and affection when he's being "good"?

If not, then this kind of thing is the only way he can get you to notice him. He's figured out what he needs to do to get what he wants.

If you do give him attention when he's good, and he talks back anyway, then you still need to examine what you're doing both when he talks appropriately and when he doesn't. How do you encourage the one and discourage the other? Encouraging appropriate talking is as simple as talking about your day with one another. Start watching how you talk to your child - how much of it is directions and criticism? How much of it is light hearted and playful? Obviously directions and criticism are important, but it needs to be more than just that.

Try this, and be consistent with it. You need to keep your emotions in check.

1. When your child talks back the first time, give a "second chance" or warning: "That's not how you talk to me. Do you want to try that again?" Always give this second-chance opportunity first. Your child will eventually learn that this means something and respond appropriately.

2. If he does it again, don't say anything except "ok, you just earned a timeout." Put him in a place where there's no stimulation (no tv, games, etc) and wait 2 minutes. When it's over, tell him you love him, but he needs to learn how to be respectful.

3. If he talks back *again* very soon after that, repeat the timeout and add a minute to it. Once again, keep your emotions in check - getting angry will only make things worse. If a lot of time passes between episodes, go back to the warning first.

4. Be persistent, patient, and firm. This will get worse before it gets better, because your child will realize that things are changing. You must give this a fair shot and be more persistent than your child. Try it for at least a week or two before deciding whether it's working or not.

5. Another thing you can try if timeouts aren't effective is to identify some things that your child really loves (desert, video games, tv) and start revoking those privileges. Do what you say - don't threaten to revoke something and then give in later. If TV/games/etc. is in your child's room, remove them.

If you're consistent and persistent, then most kids will get the message quickly. You will need to be strong - stronger than your child. If you give this an honest shot and it still doesn't work, it might be time for professional help.

Answer 7

Children at some stage find out that it's fun to argue, and try out their skills. Which is okay, but they also have to learn that it's the parent that makes the decisions, that arguing endlessly gets them nowhere, and that they better do as told

So: As long as your child makes a rational argument you should patiently try to explain. After you have made a decision and explained it, just ignore his further backtalking. If he still does not obey very clearly tell him that he will be punished for disobedience, and how. Then go through with it if necessary (depending on your personal style, take away TV or computer, spank him, etc.).

Answer 8

Don't take any lip from him to start with. If he starts back-talking you, don't let him think that he can get away with it by not responding.

Start with putting him in the corner...lets see they stay in the corner for how many years old they are so he would stay for 7 minutes. (Trust me, from first hand experience, meaning me being the one punished as a child, 7 minutes is a long time when you know you are being punished) Let him know your serious by setting a timer to 7 minutes. Make sure he knows you mean business, consistency is they key to any punishment. If he talks to you, don't talk back, if he tries to act up while in the corner, he's just testing you,warn that you are going to start adding minutes to the timer. If he still acts up, he is pushing his limits as far as they can go to see how far he can take it. Start adding minutes to the timer. If he refuses to stay in the corner and tries to run away, still with no verbal communication, (you don't want him to know his behavior is getting to you, thats what he wants) pick him up and place him in the corner, and walk away. When he has served his time come get him and let him know what he did was wrong and tell him you want an apology. If he apologizes (which by now he should, because he knows you mean business) give him some compassionate mothering and hug him so he knows you still care and love him.

Now if the corner doesn't work at all, start taking away things that he loves, (TV, computer, games, phone, friends, etc) for a week, and keep adding on the more he acts up...

Answer 9

I used to backtalk a few times when I was 7, but I did not do it sitting down after my dad got through with me!! Hope this helps, as it certainly got me on the right track.

Answer 10

I had this problem with my daughter and I understand all kids are different and all parents are different. We chose to use the Love and Logic method with her and it is working. Mind you this doesn't work overnight but if you are willing to not back down it may work for you as well. Children are smart and they all do things for different reason. We found that if we take things away from her and make her earn them back then she will behave. Not things like toys, TV and bike. We used things like her favorite pair of shoes, her favorite pants, her favorite shampoo was replaced with generic till she started to behave. Things that were important to her but not really to everyone else. After awhile if she wanted it back good behavior was one of the things she had to do but also she would have to do a chore around the house and do it without grumbling. Good luck and I hope it turns out good for both of you because a daughter is such a joy in a mothers life.

Answer 11

you have t tell him that he can not talk to you that way and as long as he continues he will have to be punnished, decide on a punishment tht you are comfoable with. takeing 1 toy away for each incident, corner, have him write sentences, whateve you decide it has to be consitant. you have to do it with each incident. ( then tell him he can earn the toys back for good behavior)
i had the same problem with my 6 yr old with him writting sentences worked and it only took 3 days to stop his behavior and it help him improve his handwriting.

find somthing and just stick to it