Can't stand my in-laws?

Question

About 3 months ago, me, my wife, and my 3 kids moved in with her parents. Forced to due to job downsizing. Anyway, from the day we moved in they treat us like maids. They make the mess and they expect us to clean it. And when it doesn't get cleaned, they put up a storm. They expect the house to be clean 24/7. We have a 5, 4, and almost 2 year old. If my 2 year old has something she isn't suppost too, my mother in law won't take it away from her, she will tell one of us to get it from her. Just last week she had a knife, and didn't take it away. Could have been a disaster. I am 30 and my wife is 24, but yet, her parents are trying to tell us how to raise our kids. Just the other day, i heard her mother say that we are the laziest parents. I almost blew up cause I work third shift and i just took on another job. When i get home from working 3rd shift, i try to get sleep, but then they get up and start the bitching, and i can't sleep. Any advice would help.

Just a few weeks ago, i was rushed to the hospital for a possible heart attack and all my mother in law thought about was her freaking bills getting paid. Very selfish home. I even told my father in law that i was tired of everyone telling me what to do, he gave me an attitude about the whole thing. At night when my wife cooks dinner, she makes enough for everybody, but when her mom makes lunch, she makes enough for her and her husband. My 2 year old see's she is making food and gets hungry. you would think she would give her some, hell no. She would rather see her starve. Is this child endangerment?

Answer 1

It sounds like things are pretty dysfunctional. If I saw a child with a knife, even if it was a stranger, I would have taken it away. I believe the point she is making is that you two are the parents and should therefore know where your child is and what your child is doing, not her. I wouldn't risk a child's life to make this point, however.

The bottom line is that this situation just isn't working. It is pretty obvious to me that your in laws don't really want you and the children there. As long as you are in their home it is their rules and their way, if you don't like it get out. That's what my parents would tell me.

So do whatever you have to do in order to get out and get your family a place on your own. Have you looked at low income housing? There is assistance with getting utilities turned on and paid. There are food stamps and Medicaid for the kids. Help with clothing, furniture etc.., at least until you get on your feet.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Oh...in-laws are tough, especially when you are forced to live with them. It sounds like they may feel like they would be overstepping their position as grandparents to reprimand your children, but yet wants the children to obey their rules since it is their house...but have you all do it. That is only going to lead to huge communication issues. What you see has ok behavior, they may not, and vise versa.
For this problem, you really need to sit down and talk to them. Have them tell you what the expect of the children in the house as far as "their rules" are concerned. And you and your wife let them know that you are ok with them stepping in if they see something that you do not.
As for the cleaning thing. Older people are very set in their ways. I am sure it is a shock to their system to have the chaos (even if you don't think its chaos) that comes with kids and all your toys. Try to remember its their house, and if sthey want things perfectly clean at all times, unfortunaltey you have to respect that. It is their home. Just bite your lip until you can get out of there.
The personal comment to you all is not fair. And you do need to address that, but since they are family...tread lightly. Tell them you all are doing the best you can with the recent job changes. You know you probably don't have the energy you would if you have a 9-5 job, but you are doing the best you can. And you are still relatively new parents and are welcome to suggestions. Make them feel like you want to work with them (one of you has to give in a little, and it won't be them)
Finally, remember these are your wifes parents. She may be mad at them too, but she probably would defend them if you get too too too angry and vocal about them. No one has a perfect family...some parents are way more cooky than others. Just try to be the bigger person and remember, at the end of the day, it is their home that has been disrupted. While I am sure they don't regret letting you live there, it is a change for them.
Things will go back to normal when you can get on your feet and out of there!

Answer 3

this situations sounds way to familiar to me! my sister and brother in law had a child about 2 years ago they were still gonna go to college so instead of paying rent they were gonna save money and get a place down there so they moved in my mother and step dad- well mom expected since seh payed bills they would clean every day she would ***** if it wasnt done right the deal you mentioned! she gave my nephew anything he wanted without asking permission! food etc! they finally got fed up it was ruingin there relationship so they moved in with us! if you have any other family i would suggest trying that but your reallly not going to find a better way to solve this than moving out! sorry

Answer 4

Oh my...quite the situation you have on your hands. It would seem to me that your situation is miserable enough already...I would just try and bite your tongue and get the hell out of there as soon as you can...since they don't sound like the approachable type. Or you could try saying to them that you appreciate them letting you guys stay there, we do our best to clean up any messes we make but don't think it's fair to held accountable for messes that arent ours...and are doing the best we can to get back on our feet so we can get out and make everyone happy. If they get pissed off, well at least you got it off your chest. Or better yet...the old saying of kill them with kindness. Really not sure since I don't know what kind of people they are....well besides unattentive and demanding. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Stop being ungreatful. Your children have a roof over their heads because of these people. You don't like it move. Can't afford it? They have shelters.
I moved in back in with my parents at the age of 19 for a whopping 2 weeks and couldn't bear it. Went to a shelter, got my own place, will never go home again. As well I learned I will never allow ANYONE to move into my house. Geez I hope my parents never become homeless cuz they will be in a shelter as well. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. Trust that.

Answer 6

sit down and have a serious talk with them... let them know how you feel and how their comments make you feel. are they really old? senile? lol, i think that even a little talking to will help them change. a little change would be better than nothing right? until you can do better... stay strong!!!

Answer 7

Save up and get out of there and never ever let your kids go over to that house alone.

Answer 8

this is really a "sh.." spot to be in...yet you need to stay there for the moment.. do you pay boarding to stay there. have a family meeting, discuss all you issues and concerns. be upfront, but also diplomatic. yes they can be cross...but foe how long. if this fails, see if there is not somewhere else where you and your family can stay till you out of you financial situation.

Answer 9

Move outno other option just find a small apartment the only way

Answer 10

Find another place to live...
As a adult and parent ya have to do what you need to do for you and your family...try finding somewhere that you kids will be safe and you can afford.