How do you explain "DYING" to a child?

Question

My father in law has Lou Gehrigs and he was diagnosed 6 months ago...he just turned 47 and according to his doctor he has a severe case since the disease started in his throat. We talk with his at least 2-3 times a week since one of the first things to go is normally the voice (this is difficult to communicate just because we are in Germany, they are in Alabama). My 5 year old daughter has started having nightmares because my mother in law keeps saying grandpa is dying which upsets me. I believe there are ways to express death without saying it directly. I am at a crossroad just because my husband and I want her to be able to understand and prepare herself when she does see her grandfather this summer. (Husband is getting deployed so we have to postpone trip until the summer) As a parent, what suggestions do you have in helping me explain to my 5 year old.

Thanks everyone in advanced. May this holiday season be filled with smiles and wonderful memories. Happy Holidays

Answer 1

Do you want to explain that grandpa is "dying" or the actual "death"?

I think you should tell her when something does affect Grandpa, like he can't use his voice anymore or he needs a wheelchair because he can't walk anymore. You need to describe these things with 5 yr old language and reasoning. You'll probably be surprised, children are very accepting. This way when she sees him she won't expect something that can't happen.

When he dies, tell her the truth. Tell her he isn't coming back. There will likely be lots of questions to follow, tell the truth and be sure that she isn't blaming herself, kids tend to do that.

We had to explain the death of our daughter to our other kids (preschoolers) and it is one of the toughest jobs you'll ever do. Good luck and best wisher to you and yours.

Answer 2

I would look into the hospice services in your area, they are trained in handling this.....they could give you some tips on how to explain death to your child.
Here are some books that might help, check with your local library, they probably have tons of them:
Explaining Death to Children by Earl A Grollman
The Two of Them by Aliki (about a girl and her grandfather)
It's Ok to Cry by LC Anderson

Answer 3

It is important to explain matters in simple terms. Keep it truthful too. Do not hesitate to use the real words, such as "dead" and "death." For example, you might sit down with the child, take him in your arms, and say: "A very, very sad thing has happened. Daddy got very sick with a disease that not many people get [or whatever you know to be true], and he died. It isn't anybody's fault that he died. We'll miss him very much because we loved him, and he loved us." However, it may be helpful to explain that the child or his surviving parent is not likely to die simply because that one gets sick at times.

Encourage their questions. 'What's dead?' they may ask. You might answer this way: "'Dead' means that the body stopped working and can't do any of the things it used to—it can't talk, see, or hear, and it can't feel anything."

Answer 4

are not you a Christian? the two way, Jesus meant to be like little ones in that youngsters are receptive to the observe of God. Scripture additionally states: one million Corinthians 13:11 whilst i became right into a baby, I spoke as a baby, I understood as a baby, i presumed as a baby: yet once I grew to develop right into a guy, I positioned away infantile issues. -until Christ Returns God Bless

Answer 5

Well when my mother died in 2006, my son who was 6 was wondering where grandma was I explained to him that God wanted her to come live with him up in heaven. i then told him how God watches everyone like flowers. He waits till it is time to pick us to put in his special bouquet of flowers and now grandma is a part of his special bouquet. and that she is happy and is always watching over him.
with your situation you could possibly say something along these lines and tell her that grandpa is starting to bloom into a beautiful flower for Gods Special bouquet. and soon he will be living with God. And he will be able to watch over her. and be happy.
I hope I helped out some way.

Answer 6

I dont know dear. My son's father passed away during my pregnancy and I still dont know how Im going to tell him how when he is older. All he knows is his daddy is in Heaven. I dont even want to think about what I will tell him.

Good luck to you and Happy Holidays

Answer 7

its difficult explaining death to a child.
you could use the one where you tell them that they aren't going to be coming back because they're poorly, but the angels will be looking after them in heaven.

Answer 8

For now all she needs to know is that he is very, very sick.

Other grown-ups should be very careful not to mention death until he does die. At that time she needs to know the truth.

Answer 9

Say that Grandpa's going to leave for a while, and leave it at that. Tell her when she's ready to handle it, and tell her Grandmother to stop saying those things.

Answer 10

that's tough...
the way i understood it when i was little (my cousin that was the same age as me died of leukemia when i was about 6 or 7) was that he would never be around anymore, he was gone, forever... except for what people remember of him...