Parents are divorced what should I do?

Question

My parents are divorced and i'm 15. My dad is strict and yells and gets anger but then my moms all nice and supportive and lets me have fun.What should i do about my parents when there saying to many different things. Help me please.

One more thing my moms not just a pal she can be strict but shes more understanding and listens to me unlike my dad.

My parents didn't go to court when they got divorced. They compromised and decided when my dad wasn't travling for work then we would go to his house. When i'm with my dad i'm allowed to see my mom but its really difflicult having to different houses.

Answer 1

Dear your live is up set do to something that is not your fault or can you help it or change it in any great way.

You have to learn to live with both parents now, but still stay true to your goals and ambitions in life.

As for your parents, you Dad is angry and should get help, not a divorce. Your Mother needs to be a parent now more then ever, but a friend to you at times but to your Dad when he needs help.

Maybe a family conversation would help all of you to see it is effecting everyone and no one wins when that happens. Divorce is not a answer to a problem it is a fix, and not a good one at that. If you belong to a Church you should start their for help. If not, where your Dad or Mother work, one should have medical ins. It can help with the cost of getting help from a professional counsel.

I wish you all the best in dealing with this, it is hard even for adults, but always harder on the kids.
Johnny

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear of your difficult situation. I grew up with a father who was much the same (at times). One thing that you could do is write your father a letter. Yes, I know it's easier said than done. Really you need to tell him exactly what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Granted, he might be strict in general or strict for a "reason"....I don't know if you two have "trust" issues. Did you do something to lose his trust? Did you come in past curfew? Did you not do your homework or pitch in with your chores? If you have trust issues that can be a problem. He has to know that you are trustworthy...as is he. You can tell him that you understand that it can't be easy being a parent...much less a divorced one...(be sympathetic to his cause too) and THEN explain to him that his message is heard loud & clear without the yelling. It probably hurts, your ears, makes you feel bad and the message gets lost because all are doing is focusing on his anger and not the problem at hand. On the last line, tell him that you love him but when he yells at you...you don't feel loved or valued which makes you sad & confused.

Leave him the letter when you are away with mom or away from home so he can read it. Maybe he will read it over & over. Which is a good thing. However, you don't need to feel the brundt of his initial reaction should he get angry. It's great that your mom is nice & supportive. However, it can be an overcorrection for her guilt over the divorce. This happens sometimes. Don't take advantage of the situation because it will make things worse on you and them in small increments. Know that your parents are probably still very hurt & hurting in many ways. Sometimes even adults don't know what to do. The failure of a marriage/relationship for whatever the reason weighs HEAVILY on all involved. Good luck to you. It will get better. I promise.

Answer 3

It's always tough when your parents split up. I was 14 when we moved out of my dad's house. It is normal for your parents to have different parenting styles. When they lived together you probably didn't notice as much because they had to balance each other or compromise. Think about what they are saying. They probably want the same thing but they have different approaches. For example, you blow a test and get an F. Dad may yell at you and ground you because he is disappointed and wants you to do better next time. Mom on the other hand may be angry at first then asks if you did your best. You of course say yes. She'll say try to do better next time and things are normal again. They both want you to study and try hard they just have different approaches. At 15 you should know what is right and wrong and what is expected of you. Try to make good decisions based on the value system your parents have helped instill in you. Be honest with them and talk to them about things in your life. One thing you DO NOT want to do is play them against each other. If dad says no to something or you know he would be against something don't go to mom because you know she'll let you. You may be happy at the moment but it will cause stress and conflict between your parents which will ultimately make things worse for you. Good luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, Sweetie, you're going to have to play the adult in your life. I imagine the reason why your dad is so strict is because he only wants what's best for you and he's trying to protect you and keep you from making bad decisions. Your mom wants to make sure you enjoy your teen years. That said you need to make wise decisions. Not everything that your mom allows you to do is what you should do and not every extreme that your dad seems to point out is how you should approach life. It's terrible that you have to be two different people in front of your parents. That must be very difficult emotionally. It's unfair that you can't just be yourself and be a kid at this time in your life. Use caution and try to meet in middle concerning your parents.

Answer 5

Growing up with divorced parents presents a difficult situation. It will difinetly test your own life skills, and it won't be easy. I'm guessing you have the majority of your time with one parent, and 1-2 days a week with another. This also gets complicated. In one household, you are given freedom and on most occasions, what you want. Then you leave to another household, and have a tight, strict run on what you can and can't do. Really, there isn't much that you can do except adapt, and try to reason with yourself and create basic rules for yourself. This is also important because you won't have a steady parenting figure for the rest of your life. Make sure you make smart decisions for yourself, and just try to put up with your parents differences until you move out. Friends are also invaluable.

Good luck.

T. Smith

X - #81

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Answer 6

I have a step daughter that is the same age and decided to live with her mom because her mom basically lets her do and go anywhere and that's not a good thing well to me it isn't being that young and doing whatever you want in not so good so it really all up to you. Having a strict dad will put you in good shape and will thank him later for not letting you go out that night or whatever but just think about it.

Answer 7

Your father sounds a little too strict and he will continue to be very stressed and angry for a long time now. Your mother has been to lenient, perhaps, but she is supportive and if you know she can be a little too lenient, you can try not to push her on decisions about things you know might be kinda wrong to ask for. You are 15, so you can manage your own behavior to help out your mom, but you cannot fix your dad's anger issues.
Live with your mom, but let your dad know that if he gets settled and learns to contain his anger, you will revisit this later. Sometimes the court does allow you a trial period to live with the one parent before definately deciding, but it can be hard on your parents to wait for a resolution, too, so maybe not. You do need to have some fun - it is not yoru fault they could not stay together! Sometimes parents can't stay together - that is their issue, so you just need to decide what works best for you, because they could have stayed together perhaps, and splitting up, they knew you would only get to live with one of them! So they gambled, and one of them will lose, but it was their choice and they have to be OK with it.

Answer 8

Just be blunt and tell them to stop putting you in the middle. That isn't fair. Children and teens need consistency in their lives especially when it comes to what you can and can't get away with. There needs to be a compromise between them They need to sit down and talk about it whether they like it or not. A mother's love for a child is more than I can possibly explain to you. Go to her first. She will and always has had you in her best intrest. She will listen and make an effort to change things. Dads love you, too of course... they just aren't so quick to understand a omplicated subject... they're men. lol
Good Luck

Answer 9

I know it doesn't always seem like it but your parents do love you. It is hard on a dad trying to raise his daughter without the mother. They have a hard time letting go of there little girls, trust me. Your mom is probably trying to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. she wants you to fill like you can tell her anything and as long as you prove to her that you can be trusted she want have a problem with you going and doing. Dad on the other hand wants you looked away in your room forever playing with barbie dolls. Give your old man some slack you may not realize it now but he really just is trying to protect you. And your mom just wants to make sure you know you can talk to her about anything.

Answer 10

I'm very sorry about your situation. Pray for your daddy, he's hurtin bad I imagine. When guys get hurt & are sad, most of the time it looks like anger. You're mom is nice & supportive cuz that's her nurturin side comin out, but she is achin inside too. Pray for both of them. Divorce isn't just signin papers & it's over. It's a deep thing. Your mom & dad became one, literally. So even tho they aren't together anymore, that tie is still there.

Trust in God for the truth. He'll let you know if you just listen. I hope this helped.