I have been divorced for 3 years, since that time he has had no contact with my kids. (they are 4 and 6) In our custody hearing he told the judge he didn't want to have any visitation, he just wanted to see them somtimes... (yeah i know right?) anyways.. so today I get a random email from him wanting to know what to send the kids for Christmas...he recently came into a lot of money just in time for christmas... guess he's feeling generous or something. he hasn't ever sent them anything for bdays or Christmas ... why start now? Plus how am I supposed to tell the kids that their dad is sending them gifts, but can't pick up the phone to say hello. I thought about just accepting the gifts and putting from Santa... I haven't responded yet.. what do you think?
2007-12-05 05:38:55 · 14 answers · asked by Sugar 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I personally think that you have every right to feel the way you do. I say you are the one who is there day in and out for them so ultimately it is your decision.
My daughter's father sent her presents for her b-day wrong size and things that I specifically told him not to send. I returned them and used the money to purchase things she really needed.
2007-12-05 05:44:18 · answer #1 · answered by Meg 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It can be just as damaging to try to hinder him from contact, but he's going to have to make the commitment to being a father at the same time. I'd let him decide whether or not to send something and see how it goes. If you never hear from him again, then it won't matter much a year from now, no matter who you say it's from. But if his idea of being a father is just to send something every Christmas, then I'd probably say Santa.
2007-12-05 15:25:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask for gift cards, and dole gifts out in increments if you don't want to spend them all for this holiday season. Kid's as young as yours think all gifts come from santa anyway so that's the best route to go. He might feel guilty about his lack of paternal instinct, but with the gift card idea, if he's generous enough, you can get the kids some educational stuff that you might not normally be able to afford so this aberration could work to their advantage.
2007-12-05 14:27:39 · answer #3 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would respond to his e-mail as follows:
I greatly appreciate that you would like to send our children christmas gifts. I am sorry to say though that since you have not had a lot of contact with them it would be difficult to explain to them why you haven't been around. If you are truly set on getting them gifts you can get them ...(what ever you want him to get them) just be aware that I will be making them from Santa to prevent confusion. If you want me to make them from you then you are going to have to be a bigger part of thier lives from now on.
Sincerly.
It's not mean and it states the facts. I understand that you like so many out there have to face this and don't want to hurt your children. I'm truly sorry I couldn't be more help.
Momma_Bear
2007-12-05 14:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by the_morris_bears 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly accept them...for your children. think of it this way...a couple less things that you have to buy. Address them from Santa. Sounds like a real nice guy. Does he at least plan on seeing the kids open the gifts or is he going to just mail them or somthing? If he does...then what do you know extra gifts from Santa! lol
2007-12-05 14:03:22 · answer #5 · answered by mama3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your kids the truth, these gifts are from your dad, if they start asking question then about why they don't see him or talk to him then just tell them you don't know and those are question they have to ask him, when they get the chance. I think you are reading too much into this. It is very sad that he has chosen not to have a relationship with his children. He will have to face up to it someday.
2007-12-05 13:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by TD R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's really sad. You're a good mom for wanting to protect your children and their feelings. Tell their father what would be a really nice present is if he called them. Also, I wouldn't think twice about making the gifts out to be from Santa. I think it's horrible when parents only show their love on holidays or birthdays, and he hasn't even fully done that. You do what you think is best.
2007-12-05 13:43:33 · answer #7 · answered by N and A's Momma 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be honest with the kids. I don't see any harm in it. Let them build their own unhindered relationship with him.
If his sending presents has the kids asking questions about him, answer their questions simply, in terms that they can understand, being honest but polite & respectful to him as a human being (admittedly, a human being who did not have the life experience necessary to realize how wonderful it is to take on the day to day responsibilities & joys of parenting).
2007-12-05 13:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from santa. and as they grow up just let him explain why
dont saying anything bad keep all proff of his action of not really wanting to be bother but what ever you do dont bad mouth him he doing good by him self.
love them as you are doing now and give them all you can give keep any e-mail about anything he say why he dont want to have visitation just send a e-mail about why dont you want it and lt him put his foot in his mouth and when the time comes let them read for them selves.
2007-12-05 16:00:32 · answer #9 · answered by 10tolife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
accept the gifts and pass them onto your kids. dont explain to them that they are from their father as they may start building their hopes of having a relationship with him only for him to let them down all over again
2007-12-05 13:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by mum of 2 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋