Annoying Maid of Honor?

Question

There is this couple that is friends with my fiance and I, they have been our friends for about 6 years now. The girlfriend kind of 'invited' herself to be my maid of honor as soon as she found out he purposed to me, I couldn't say no since she was so excited. So 8 months along the line, I haven't really talked about wedding plans, and I finally start now. I find a $180 bridesmaid dress that I love and would like my bridesmaid to wear. I show it to her and she starts complaining how expensive it is. I am annoyed because 1: She first of all, volunteered to be maid of honor. I never officially asked her. 2: She is ALWAYS broke, she never has any money! Whenever we go out, I am a always paying for food, shopping, etc. Okay, like 95% of the time. I would think she would be a little more generous since I've always helped her.

My question is: Should bridesmaids pay for their own dress? Make-up? Hair? Accessories? Or is it the bride's responsibility? I already have enough financial stress with the rest of the wedding expenses!

So, should I help her pay for a portion of the dress, or should I just make her pay for her own dress?

Should I just get a new maid of honor, although she will probably never be my friend again?

Answer 1

I agree with the general response, tell this girl to either pony up or take a hike! It's obvious she's taking gross advantage of your friendship and generosity. While I agree that you should have told her when she 'volunteered' herself that you had someone else in mind (even if you didnt!), she is completely in the wrong when it comes to whining over the choice of dress. I've been in several weddings, and always paid for my own dress, shoes and jewelry. Hair and makeup have almost always been gifts from the bride, which I will be doing for my girls, also... but that's completely your choice and you should not feel obligated to pay. Also, $180 is NOT that expensive for a bridesmaid dress - I've paid over $250 on several occasions. It's terribly difficult to find bridesmaid's gowns less than $150 these days, anyhow.

As for your final comment that if you choose a new MOH you will lose her as a friend... to be honest, from what you've said - it doesn't sound like you'd be losing much and even gaining a bit extra in your checkbook!

Answer 2

You really should have nipped this in the butt when she "volunteered". First, I have paid for all of my bridesmaids dresses in any wedding I have been in except 1. (and I was the maid of honor , and it was a destination wedding, so I was already paying a ton for airfare and a hotel room in the carribean for 5 days, so my best friend bought the dress, but I still bought the shoes, jewelry and paid for alterations). So really its up to you, but you don't HAVE to pay. She may be a little upset with you if you get a new maid of honor or don't help her pay for the dress, but its up to you. If she's already complaining about a dress, how much help is she going to be with the bridal shower, bachlorette party etc. Maybe she is actually looking for a way out. Just ask her, tell her that being a bridesmaid/ maid of honor in a wedding is an expensive task, and if she can't afford it you will gladly let her off the hook and find someone else, You could give her a different role possibly. I know if I were you, I would probaly find a new maid of honor, someone I was closer to that's a little more responsible. Good Luck

Answer 3

Next time you get together talk to her about it. Tell her that being that as the maid of honor or bridesmaid, she will be responsible for all the things you listed. If she can not afford to be in the wedding, then let her know you have no problem if she steps down, and you would still love or her to come to the wedding, however you can not afford to help her with these things. If she continues to through a fit, then tell her it is best that you find someone else.
It sounds like she is so use to you paying for everything, she no expects it. Don't do it!!! You want a MOH who supports you- not the other way around!

Answer 4

Do you have someone else that you had planned on to be your maid of honor? A sister or an Aunt or best friend? If so, now is the time to let this 'almost' friend know that your plans were made a long time ago. If you have no one else (and it kind of sounds that way) then you have reached a common dilemma with many weddings-the bride's idea of the perfect marriage doesn't co-incide with the pocketbook of everyone involved. Normally, yes, the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, hair do, etc. But there are times when the bride has to help them out to get what she wants. In your case, is she your friend or not? Is she worth having as a friend, to pay for the dress for her- or not? Now there are people that go through life 'sponging' off everyone else. Always 'forget' their wallet, didn't bring the money, short on cash today/this week, will give you 'their share' of something 'later on'...and as long as everyone lets them get away with it, they will! And next time you visit their house-there's the super big screen tv, the theater surround system, new carpets, everything you wish YOU could afford but it seems you always get stuck paying her share when you go out. It's up to you...play along and have her as a 'leech' of a friend, confront her and tell her its time to pay her OWN way and lose her, or confront her and find out she will stick around because you stood up to her and now she respects you. Difficult decision but only you can do it! I'd discuss this with your fiance first-see if he has any insight on why she does it-after 6 years he should have seen something!

Answer 5

Do you have any siblings?? Tell her you would be honored to have her stand in your line, but want your (or his) sister to be the MOH.

Also, it is traditional for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, shoes, etc. But you also have to be conscious of their financial limitations. $180 is high for a bridesmaid dress. I was lucky and found ones I loved from Chadwicks for only $70 when I got married. But try and keep them under $120, and remember they have to buy shoes, jewelry and stuff too that all matches, so they end up spending nearly $200 already.

You ask if you should get a new MOH, even though she will never be your friend, yet you sit here complaining about the type of friend she is. If she means that much to you, and is a real friend, she won't care if she sits in the rafters during the wedding- she just wants to be there. But if she is as horrible a friend as you say- do you want to keep that relationship going anyway??

But remember one thing. Yes, this is a special day, but it's just that- a day. Years down the road, none of it matters. I can't remember what my cake looked like, or what jewerly my bridesmaids wore or where I got my hair done (then had to take it all down and redo it cause I looked nothing like myself). You can spend thousands of dollars on a day, or you can spend a few thousand, have a nice day with those you care about the most and start your family on the road to a solid financial future. Just a thought...

Answer 6

I think the bridesmaids should pay for their dresses as long as the price is reasonable...and $180 is reasonable. I don't think the bride should force the bridesmaid's to have their hair, makeup, and accessories done a certain way unless they are willing to pay for it or at least give them a heads up about it. I had a girl tell us the night before the wedding that we had to wear this stupid headband...one girl's hair was so short it looked ridiculous...and had she told me ahead of time, I would've gotten mine cut differently so it would look right on me....But anyway, if she can't afford the dress just say I'm so sorry, I wish I could offer to pay for it, but I am financially stressed due to the wedding...why don't you read (or offer her some other lame position) instead.

Answer 7

You are not required to buy the dress for your maid of honor. It is customary to buy the wedding party gifts. In the case that the bridesmaids dresses are expensive (as are yours), many brides decide to make the dress their gift. Or you could pay for part of the dress as your gift. Once you've given a gift, you don't need to worry about paying for anything else for the wedding party (i.e. makeup, hair, shoes, etc.).

You should decide what you want to do, then sit your friend down and discuss the financial responsibilities associated with being a maid of honor. Tell her you want to "make sure" she is able to meet these. This may get her to step down from the role. And you could retain her as a friend.

Answer 8

You should not have allowed her to name herself maid of honor. That is a special role that you get to choose not a friend of yours.

If you found a dress you like, stick to it and it is her job to pay for it. She should have known that when volunteering herself as maid of honor. Explain to her that traditionally that is just how it goes-you pick the dress, she pays.

It may hurt your friendship-but thats the price you pay for being to nice from the beginning. Do not go and choose a new MOH, allow her to keep that role. Maybe she will step down when she realizes you are not budging on your dress you picked for her.

I do not think any BM's should accept that job in a wedding without understanding what they are financially responsible for. I also think it is the brides responsibility to explain what they want upfront or keep the BM's budgets in mind when selecting dresses and who does their hair and makeup.

I think you need to talk to her and explain what you want and ask her if she really wants to be in the wedding. Make sure she understands you aren't paying for her to be in the wedding, that is her responsibility. Give her the chance to back out now and let her know yo will not be upset.

Answer 9

Well, if you didn't want her as MOH, you should have told her 8 months ago. Now you either have to deal with her or dump her. Generally bridesmaids pay for their own stuff. Sometimes the bride will pay for their hair or makeup as a gift. Just tell her if she wants to be in the wedding, this is the dress. If she complains then maybe she'll just drop out, problem solved.

Answer 10

I don't understand why you said yes to her being your maid of honor if that isn't what you wanted. It was stupid for her to ask but even worst for you to have said yes if that is not what you wanted in the first place.

Unless the bride and groom have endless money, you are not supposed to pay for anything. If you have the money and would like to do it as their gift, then you can. I'm not paying for any of my bridesmaid's dresses or accessories. I will be purchasing their jewelry though.