What is your best funeral joke?

Question

This is an interesting question, if you have a funeral joke let me know,

IF it is a joke that really happened all the better!

Answer 1

You want a TRUE story, you got it:
Pool players will get this. Hope you play pool.
A few weeks before my brother passed away (cancer) he asked me if I would do him one last favor after he died and was laid out.
Naturally I said I would.
He says, "Before they close the lid on the casket, I want you to place a cue-ball in my hands."
I laughed knowing my brother's sense of humor. I asked why?
He says, "Because if I get to where I'm going and don't like it... I figure with 'ball-in-hand' I can get out from anywhere!"
When I got up to say my part, I saved that to last. When I pulled the cue ball outta my pocket and place it in his hands everyone cracked up... because they also knew of my brother's sense of humor. He played in the pool leagues 20 years.
And all pallbearers were teammates of his.

Answer 2

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
What is your best funeral joke?
This is an interesting question, if you have a funeral joke let me know,

IF it is a joke that really happened all the better!

Answer 3

I dont think I have ever head any funeral jokes in my life until now lol.

Answer 4

Point - and shout "LOOK he's/she's moving"
The classic - ask the funeral director to come round and measure your stiffy

a man is sitting in a coffee shop when he sees a very strange funeral procession go by. There are two hearse's one behind the other and behind the last hearse is a man with a dog and behind him is a long line of people all in single file. The man in the shop is so curious he goes out and asks the man with the dog what it is all about. The man says in the first hearse is his wife, they were having a row and she started shouting at him and the dog attacked her and killed her, upon hearing the racket his mother-in-law came running out and she started having a go so the dog attacked her and killed her as well - she is in the second hearse. The man from the shop says can I borrow the dog? and he replies - join the queue

A man is planning his funeral and he says to his wife - if I die first would you re-marry?, she says probably, he says if you did would you sleep with him in our bed? she says I suppose so, he says would you let him use my golf clubs? and she says no - he's left handed

I remember the last words my nan said to me before she died - "what are you doing with that hammer"

Answer 5

I love this:

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.

When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit.

She said that was fine with her.

So... I switched the heads"

Answer 6

My local funeral parlour has bought a new hearst,Every one is dying to have a ride in it.

Answer 7

My best friend just returned from a funeral, and she looked wide-eyed and disgusted. I sat her down and said to her, "Tell me everything that went on."

"Oh my God, you will not believe this," my friend replied angrily. "My mother - my mother - she made a dramatic arrival at the funeral wearing this little black number that showed a lot of cleavage and leg, and was sitting all sexy-like in the pews, trying to make herself available. The preacher was looking at her in sheer disapproval, and I thought the ushers were going to kick us out. I looked over at the family of the deceased; I thought his still-living mother was going to go into cardiac arrest."

"That's awful," I replied, then, "Out of curiosity, whose funeral was it?"

My friend looked at me with even wider eyes. "My father's."

Answer 8

i know there out there , i've heard them . but i don't remember any right know

Answer 9

omg! dave w........... that was awful (lol)

Answer 10

no