Okay, so nowadays a couple gets together and if they don't want to get married they just have 2 kids first. Then they get married but can't afford what they want, so they have a wedding do-over when they can afford it.
Then if the second one isn't the perfect thing they had in mind, they have a 'vow renewal' in a year or so.
Is this ok, desirable, and normal and am I just an old relic that can't accept change? Or is this excessive?
2007-12-05 04:51:16 · 15 answers · asked by danashelchan 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I find all of the same things more than a bit odd, and more than a bit offensive.
I always believed that you got married before you had kids, not after (a stable home and a committed relationship seemingly being good things for children to have from the beginning, not later "if it works out").
I believe that you get one wedding to the same person. The wedding is whatever it is when you have it. I accept one exception: a couple gets married because one of them is in the military and is called to duty, there isn't time to plan a big wedding, so they have a small, private ceremony with a reception later when the enlisted one returns home. I don't see any other reason to get a second "wedding".
I also don't understand renewing vows in most cases. Didn't you take them for life the first time? I can see it perhaps at a 50 year anniversary, or if there was a particularly rough patch in the marriage and the couple is re-committing. In the second case, however, I believe that is a private affair and doesn't warrant a party and presents.
If people just want to throw a big, expensive party, then throw a big, expensive party. But don't expect showers and gifts and attendants, and don't pretend you're not married so you can have a second "wedding" with all the trimmings. Ridiculous.
2007-12-05 05:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Makes you sick doesn't it!
I hate when people with 4 kids have a big fancy wedding- I just see their college tuition, braces and things the kids really need going down the toliet. An ex friend of mine is having a 20k redo wedding while her stepchild are forced to sleep on the floor because she won't buy them beds and won't give up having her own bedroom.
I was talking to a lady at lunch today about this...
I think it has a lot to do with up bring and how people are raised... Kids today are getting hundreds of dollars of gift for christmas- phones, laptops... cars even!! Kids have all the latest crap and stuff and the best shoes and clothing- while the parents go in dept to buy the stuff. So then the wedding isn't any different- they want it, they don't care how much it cost, or if they can afford it..... same with babies....
People are a lot different today then they were 10 or 20 years ago. Christ- I am only 30 and I already sound like I am 50!!
2007-12-05 17:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think what you described is a bit excessive, but does appear to be the growing norm. I have nothing against people having children out of wedlock, but for me, I prefer to do things in the traditional order.
My fiance and I have waited almost 4 years to get married, and it's set for February '08. We have no children, and we're having a very traditional, simple ceremony and reception. Even with my dress being a coture gown, the entire cost of the wedding, reception and all the frills won't exceed $7000.
I think it's silly to have vow renewals every couple years simply as an excuse to have a bigger ceremony than the first one. Of course, I may be an old relic like you, but I hope we're not a dying breed!
2007-12-05 13:08:04 · answer #3 · answered by huge_tracts_of_land 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't like the wedding do-over, I will have a microscopic ceremony (court or JP) and that is my marriage, I will have a "family party" in a year or so when I have cash...note that its not a vow renewal or any kind of a gift grab, I just want a nice BBQ..I don't want people to think I am after gifts, since my wedding is so small, I would never register or have a shower....I will have a rockin' bachelorette party though!
2007-12-05 13:18:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My general preference is that people have children after marriage to provide a stable home.
I think it is even worse to marry someone just because you have kids.
If a couple that was planning to get engaged accidentally gets pregnant, marries before having the baby and forgoes the traditional wedding because of the baby on the way...I would be OK with them having a reception after the baby was born.
It would be annoying to me if 2 people that got married solely because they had a child and will end up divorced in 5 years did the same thing though.
It's all based on the character of the individuals.
2007-12-05 14:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excessive. Very excessive. You get married once. If it's not perfect, so what. It's one day. I personally think public vow renewals are a bit silly unless like you got separated and want to celebrate getting back together or something. But that's just me.
2007-12-05 13:43:18 · answer #6 · answered by LB 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is excessive, IMO. There are no do-overs. A vow renewal is a lovely gesture for hte couple's 10th or 25th anniversary. The point of a vow renewal, I thought, was to say, I'd marry you all over again, which makes it sweet for a milestone anniversary.
2007-12-05 14:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband doesn't get the whole renewing of vows thing. He feels that once you are married, you are married for life. No need to do that all over again.
I think it is excessive as well.
2007-12-05 13:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda Y 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This the deal:
Some women are tricky. First they tell their partners that they just want to live together because marriage is a dated institution, so they start shacking up.
Soon after they start living together, the woman nags the man to death about getting married. When that fails, then she starts popping kids in the hopes of trapping the poor soul.
Then the man wants to do the "right thing" after fathering 2-3 natural children, and get married. Formula and diaper bills would not allow them to have a extravagant party, but she says that "it's ok, because she just wants to get married" and they do.. in the court house.
Soon, "just wanting to get married" was not good enough, and she starts nagging and nagging about "deserving" being a princess for a day and spend their kids college savings on a re-do. In my opinion, after kids and already married, who do they want to fool with a white lace wedding? Isn't a bit late and totally unnaproriate?
In my opinion, those folks just look ridiculous and they are not foolling anyone. It's so improper and tacky to see a married woman with kids wanting showers and bachelorette parties... oh gawd!
Good luck
2007-12-05 13:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Im with you. Honestly I dont know who these people are. Ive never heard of such things, before I started hanging out on here. No one in my circle would do something like that. Renewing vows baffles me. Your wedding is your wedding and if you dont like it, you better find a way to make peace with yourself. You cant turn back the clock by having a do-over.
*The only exception being for service to our country of course.
2007-12-05 13:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋