Long story short, my FMIL plays head games....such as pitting the grandkids against each other, pitting the SILs against each other, playing favorites, etc etc.
Example: My future nieces (named Kaleigh and Haleigh - crazy I know) are only 2 and can't tell their names apart. If the correct grandkid doesn't listen to her when she calls her name, she spanks them. After I saw this, my FMIL turned to me and said, "____ and _____'s kids are complete brats" (in front of the mothers) and "you better have better behaved kids than these little shi**."
Needless to say, going over to her house is completely awkward and not a very joyous occasion.
I'm supposed to go over there tonight to have dinner. I love my fiance very much, and have of course bitten my tongue whenever his mother says rude things to other people (she is NEVER rude to me, just plays mind games).
What should I say/do when she tries to get my FSILs and me against each other? So far, both the FSILs *hate* me.
Any ideas?
2007-12-05 04:09:40 · 13 answers · asked by kiki 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is a really difficult situation and unfortunately there is not much that YOU should do other than speak with your fiance about this problem. It is really HIS place to speak to his family about this. You definitely don't want to start out on the wrong foot, but you don't want to be a doormat either.
2007-12-05 04:13:01 · answer #1 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Invite your FSILs to coffee - sans FMIL. Your treat
Gently mention to them how uncomfortable you feel when FMIL tries to start something between you and them.
Compliment the SILs on how well they get along despite this - and ask how they handle it when their mom tries to pit them against each other.
I bet some of their answers may surprise you.
AND - this is important. Your fiance MUST take a hand in this, firmly putting his mother in her place and keeping her there - Mother - I will not have you treat Sophie in this manner. AND I Promise you - you will have very little to do with Sophie and me - and any children we have - if you do not stop your mean, meddling ways.
If he won't stand up for you - reconsider marrying him.
2007-12-05 05:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should speak up to you FH about this. Tell him what you think and how this makes you feel unconfortable there. I also think that if able, you should pull the SIL to the side(ask them out to lunch or somehting) and have a heart to heart with them. Tell them that you have no hard feelings and just be upfront. It's called verbal abuse what your FMIL is doing to the grandkids. Someone has to stand up.....Good luck
2007-12-05 06:47:28 · answer #3 · answered by georgiapeach 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are your FSILs aware of her headgames and attitude? From what you said, I would assume they are. First you should talk to your fiance and then you should arrange a lunch or the equivalent and talk to them. I'm sure they don't like being treated that way any more than you do. Make sure you don't ever let her treat you or your children the way she does. I would recommend not leaving your children alone with her either. With a future family like this, you will need to stand up for yourself.
2007-12-05 04:19:53 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you should be more concerned about is if you do plan to have children. This woman should not be a part of their lives, grandma or not. She is doing permanent damage to the other kids. But you already know that. If I were you I would have a serious talk with my fiance about limiting or cutting off communication with her. Its not a healthy environment.
2007-12-05 04:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Continue to bite you tongue. Correcting your MIL's impoliteness is not your place, even if she well deserves it. I feel that is in your best interest to ignore such comments.
Chances are that she's doing the same to you behind your back so be very cautious... so be smart and do not take any sides...some people like people-bashing and is best to stay out of it.
It seems to me that she wants to get close to you and make you her buddy. Entretain her chat but do not take any sides.
Good luck tonight!
2007-12-05 04:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree, this is a terrible situation to be in. I don't understand why anyone would want to pit family against family. This is something that you are going to have to talk to your fiance about. If you try to talk to her, chances are it will end up in a disaster.
2007-12-05 04:14:57 · answer #7 · answered by vaya 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Spend time alone with them. Trust me, the thing to do is tell her off before you get married. I did to my mother in law and it was worth it. She pushed me to my breaking point one day before we were married and I told her off. After a couple days of being mad at me, she called me to apologize and promised to only give her opinion if I asked for it. We don't talk much but that is fine with me.
2007-12-05 04:15:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, what does your FH think? does he see the problems with your mother as well? does it bother him? has he ever tried talking to her about it? what about your FFIL?
I agree that you should continue to bite your tongue. explain to your FH how you feel when you go over to your ILs. would he be understanding if you stopped going over there?
I also think you should talk to your FH about when you have your own children and if you would ever bring them to your ILs. perhaps that can light a fire under your FH to talk to his parents about their behavior and how you (meaning you + him) would be uncomfortable raising your children around it. because I know I would and if I EVER saw my MIL spank a child there is now way I would EVER bring my child within 50 feet of her.
2007-12-05 07:48:07 · answer #9 · answered by not margaret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are MIL's always so difficult. They must feel threatened. Find a job out of state and MOVE!
2007-12-05 04:18:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋