DAUGHTER 23 YR wanting to understand why guys.......explain this to me?

Question

I am a mother of a 23 year old daughter who is so frustrated at finding somone to love her. She is very pretty , funny, spunky and has alot of friends that she hangs with guys and girls but when it comes to dating they always end up being losers or cheaters...she just doesnt get it...she said they seem to be so sweet at first and then .....
I have a hard time understanding ....she is not perfect...who is...but she is intelligent, funny, spunky, very pretty, has a job, adventurous.....
She seriously has been getting depresssed and talking about hating her life and how nothing goes right. I worry about her....she says she hates being alone with no special person in her life....
She lives on her own and sometimes when she calls at night I can feel all her pain in her voice. She hides it from her friends that she feels this way....any advice ...someone please tell me why she can't seem to find a good moraled ,loving man???

She isn't clingy at all, and I even told her she gives them wayyyyyyy too much space and too sweet to these guys...your ..........if you do and .......if you don't . She drinks very little, doesnt frequent bars and has tried to meet people out on errands or shopping or restraunts. Sometimes I think she is too nice for her own good....LOL..

Tc22 you sound like your insame boat...I told her the good ones are worth waiting for.Thanks

Answer 1

There is no easy solution for your daughter. The best advice I can give is for her to join clubs, leagues, etc. to meet different people. I have never had a man cheat on me, and I think that is because I don't date a man that I think would. Maybe she is finding the type of man that is not in for a long term relationship? But I wish her luck, and at least she has someone on her side to help her through her sadness.

Answer 2

Well, I'm 22 and sometimes I can relate. I live on my own and Yes I love my place and having all this freedom and space, but then their are times(lots of times) I feel alone. Not saying that I want a husband, but I would just like to be in a relationship, you know have him come over watch movies together, I can cook dinner for him, etc.

I am an attractive women, no kids, no drama, my own crib, my own car. You would think guys would be interested in someone like that, but your guess is as good as mine. My cousins and friends even got to the point where they try to help me find someone. Mostly everyone I hang out with has either a husband a boyfriend or fiance, but me. So whenever we go out I specify that it's a Ladies night. My mom notices how I feel a little. A few weeks ago I did start talking to this guy I work with we hung out for about a month or two, but now he just wants to be friends. Anyways my mom was like when am I going to see your new man, but I had to let know he wasn't my man. It gets old after while, my friends, family, and even my coworkers all want to find someone for me. Well I guess she just have to be patient, it seems like the guys our age aren't into a relationship right now, have too much drama, have kids, no good, etc, etc.

Answer 3

Why did the husband object?? Is he unloving or does the daughter cause constant drama - this being the latest trouble? Why does she need housing - are they fleeing an abusive boyfriend or husdband. Or is she experiencing financial difficulties?--These questions were in mind. [ In my opinon ] Thats a loaded situation, first off the husband is right in some aspects but wrong in others. He is right is saying she has two months to get her act together and find a job and place to live. He is wrong is saying that he wants nothing to do with his stepkids or step grands. The daughter should be forced to make arrangements to move out at or before the two months, she needs to be forced to take responsibility for her actions. No one apparently forced her to have children and she needs to provide for them and not rely on her parents and step parents to foot the bills so to speak. If the husband is being a pa-toot about his non-children and grandchildren living there temporarily than he needs to get off his duff and help re-establish themselves into a better envirionment. The Mother is between a rock and a hard place and even though it is her daughter she too needs to help her child out and start finding a solution to the problem, or diviorce her selfish husband.

Answer 4

I don't know all the details, but I'd say she is either looking in the wrong place, or trying too hard. Yeah being alone sucks, but it doesn't have to. She should enjoy it and if someone comes along, then even better. A guy she meets when not trying to meet guys is a better match, because they have more in common than just wanting to meet someone.

Answer 5

I am 23 and I was having the same problem. I was single for a a year and a half. But then I just stopped looking for someone and just came to the conclusion that maybe it is meant for me to be single right now. as soon as i relized that, about 4 months later I have met a very great guy that treats me like a queen, he is so wonderful! I didnt lower my standards by any means. Just tell her to stop looking, you know when you loose something and you stop looking for it it magically appears.

Answer 6

To me I know where you are comming from, I am 20, all my friends are taken and wonderful christmass parties that they will be having and I am left in the cold, plus being taken advantage of so many times, I just don't ask anymore.
I think she needs to,
A.) start looking in different places, A gym or bar is a no no.

B.) I seriously don't ask women out, most good guys don't. Thats because women don't seek out what they don't like in a man, makes it very easy. She needs to aproch them.

Answer 7

She's looking in the wrong places. I would start by looking at the group of friends she hangs out with. Chances are pretty good that one of the guy friends that she has probably likes her and is probably a good guy. Chances are also pretty good that she doesn't find him exciting enough to date. She needs to find her own excitement instead of looking for it in a guy and then she will settle into a relationship with a "nice" guy versus a jerk.

Answer 8

Dear "Mom"~ Lisa:

Have your daughter think about joining
a Large Church Congregation with an
ACTIVE Singles/College Age Group.
They have Quality events & are well
Organized! (I'm NOT a Churchie Type~
but it works for MANY!)

Your daughter needs to "work-on-herself"!
Why is she so very Insecure & Lonely?
Men do NOT prefer "NEEDY" women.

I LOVE living by myself! She needs to
feel more CONFIDENT & HAPPY!
She must be putting out some negaive
vibes! She needs to BOLSTER herself!

AT 23 she needs more~
"Emotional-Intelligence" !
(She sounds like a little Teen!)
Her brain will be FULLY Developed
when she is 25 yrs. old! She is almost
mature enuff to tackle life!

Depressed? All of us get this way!
She needs to learn to COPE with this!

Hope this helps Mom!
Ciao!

Answer 9

Where is she looking? bars and clubs mostly produce cheap, meaningless short lived flings. If she keeps meeting jerks, she needs to change her habits. Start going different places, meeting different type of people

Answer 10

because shes probably too clingy...needs to be held, needs to be told shes beautiful and all that, needs attention, and probably doesn't let the guy do anything so he cheats...not saying that cheating is right, cuz it aint, but she could lead the men to do it where they can be with a woman thats not clingy and no strings attached.