I feel horrible...?

Question

I went to my 7 year old son's parent teacher conference last night and had great reviews about him, but she addressed the fact that my son feels like he can't call me to pick him up when he feels ill, as it is hard for me to leave work and don't really have anyone available to pick him up...then she said that he seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders...my son is very considerate and puts others ahead of himself...is that such a bad thing...and what exactly does she mean by saying that?? please help me out...thanks!!

I asked her for details...but she couldnt think of any examples...he has been on concerta for about a year and it does freak me out that maybe the medicine could be making him sad or depressed...i was torn putting him on it and he has no appetite...def need to get him back to the dr.

my son is a twin, has a sister...and i dont have the luxury of losing my job...yes my kids are the most important thing in my life, but without a job, we would all be homeless, their father owes me $23,000 in back child support so without a job, we have no home, food or any of the other things i can provide for them with a job that i need to keep!!

Answer 1

She means that he enjoys helping other people and doesnt like making people go out of their way just to help him.

Answer 2

He sounds like a worrier. Poor thing. I bet he's very sweet and sensitive and caring too. Sometimes being so thoughtful can cause anxiety and stress when they worry about stuff. My daughter is that way. She's 8. She cares about everyone and worries about everything. You should sit down with your son and have a heart to heart with him -- but don't make it serious or like he's done something wrong. Rather, make it a positive, upbeat conversation -- tell him what a great kid he is to be concerned about you and your job and that it's a sign of a truly good person to worry about others the way he does. Tell him how proud you are of him both in school and in character (that he's a good person). BUT, you want him to understand that he's just a kid -- and he should leave the "big" worries to the grown-ups. Tell him you don't want him to be overwhelmed or worry about stuff -- that it's YOUR job to take care of him, etc. Make sure he realizes that you'll be there for him if he's sick or hurt in any way, no matter what (and then do it, regardless of the job situation). Explain that he should not worry about anything; have fun, play, etc., and leave the rest up to you, the teachers, and any other grown ups that may be in his life. I know you know all these things -- but perhaps if you explain them to him on a level he will understand, it will help him to lighten his load a little bit in the worry department. Some people (even kids) are just worriers and they care so much about everyone around them that they do "carry the weight of the world on their shoulders" as his teacher mentioned.

I'm sure having a talk like this will help -- it did with our daughter. And if it doesn't, then you might consider talking with a child psychologist for help. Some people don't realize that even small children can be stressed out. So it might be useful to talk to an expert who can help.

**ADD**
Concerta is a strong medication that needs to be monitored monthly for children that age. My son is on that. You definitely should go back to the doctor as an incorrect dose can affect his mood as well as his eating and sleeping habits. However, you still need to address the situation of his "worry" and "anxiety" by talking with him, reassuring him, following thru (on being there for him), etc.

My thoughts go out to you. He sounds like a very sweet boy. Talk with him -- I'm sure that will ease a lot of his worry as well as yours.

Answer 3

Ok I think you need to watch what you say around your son, he should have no idea about how hard things are for you, Children should be carefree and not have to worry about thier parents problems. I have 4 kids and if I did slip and any one them overheard me talking I would just explain that life has its ups and downs and everything IS and will be fine, Mommy can leave work at ANY time if you are sick or ever need me!!! With out any problems YOU always come first and Mommy loves you soooo Much =]

Good Luck Mama and don't put yourself down parenthood is a learning experiance we are all different and parent in our own ways

Answer 4

It is wonderful that he is considerate, but the comment about having the weight of the world on his shoulders is a little worrisome. Since I don't know the woman, it is hard to know if she is just one of those people who disapproves of working moms and is hoping to shame you into quitting your job, or whether your son is feels an excessive responsibility not to burden others. Of course, he shouldn't just call you to pick him up because he is scared of taking an arithmetic test, but he shouldn't feel guilty about being ill - perhaps you have expressed the inconvenience to yourself a few too many times for this particular child, who takes it very personally?

Answer 5

It is good that he is considerate but even children can be generous to a fault. She's saying he seems to have a lot of worries and concern. Is it possible that your son is aware of any personal problems of yours, such as finances, work, or relationships? Children listen, they pick up on small things, and it can cause stress for them. He may be a sensitive child and needs to be shielded from stressors that are not his own.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you've raised a really sensitive son who puts more on himself than he should. I was the same way when I was little, blaming myself for things I had no control over. As an adult, I still have issues with trying to please people. I don't like confrontation. I'm sure that's really all the teacher was trying to say, and she wasn't trying to imply that you're at fault. Talk with him. Let him know he can always come to you and that if he's too sick to be at school, you want to be called. You should let him know what "too sick to be at school" means of course, but he just needs to know that you're not going to be angry with him for being sick. I have a student this year whose father told me that their rule is "throwing up on the floor or a fever of 103" before he'll come get her. While I think this is a bit extreme (I'd rather my students NOT puke on the floor and be near death with fever before they're kept home), something more reasonable would be something to discuss. A fever or diarrhea are certainly cause for being sent home, so let him know that you would never be irritated with him for that. Other than that, I think you're doing a fine job.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you have a very emotional child. This is good in some ways but in others it is hard on him. You just need to sit him down and explain to him that if he is really sick he needs to call you so you can come get him. He does not need to be in the class with the other students if he is sick because he could spread what ever it is he may have. I have a 10 year old who is the same way she will do with out to be sure her class mates or friends have. She puts them first always. Just resure him and always tell him you love him. and you care. hang in there. Your son sounds like is is agreat child.

Answer 8

Well, that is a much better parent teacher conference than the ones I have where I get the evil eye.

Sounds like your son is very mature for his age. I'm sorry she phrased it in such a way that made you feel bad. She should of been doing cartwheels that she has your son in her class.

Answer 9

I am a mother of six. Sometimes we cant have conversations with other adults around our kids but at this time you need to talk to your son and reassure you are there for him regardless of your situation and you will make a way out of no way. She just wanted to let you know because her students are her concern and sometimes kids come and voice there opinions at school and never say a thing about it at home.

Answer 10

It is great for a child to be considerate for others but at the same time he is only a child and a child needs his childhood, so he needs to be able to enjoy the beauty of growing up and playing freely and he should also be able to know he has his parent(s) to count on no matter what. There is boundries in everything.. there needs to be a balance where a child is well mannered and where a child is a child.

Answer 11

"addressed the fact that my son feels like he can't call me to pick him up when he feels ill, as it is hard for me to leave work and don't really have anyone available to pick him up"
did you mention to him anything about saying that you find it hard to work halfway in the middle of the work day? for me when i was younger it was the case. my mom did not like for me to call her when i fell sick in school and would ask me to either come home myself or wait till the school day ended to come home by the school bus or on my own.

"weight of the world on his shoulders"
is there something bothering him in school or at home? or maybe its just your teacher's interpretations of his behavior in school.

being considerate is good! maybe the teacher phrased it wrongly or she mentioned it together with the negative points which made you think she meant it in a bad way.