My partner and i only ever fall out over his family. The problem lies with his mother and his sister. Ever since we got together they have never made an effort to get on with me, they say things that are hurtful, his mum and dad treat my partner and his sister totally differently, it's one rule for her another for him. His dad doesn't say anything but then that's just the problem, he obviously doesn't see anything wrong in the way they behave. I shouldn't take it personally as from what i can gather they have acted like this with all his girlfriends. I can understand people saying about his mum, oh that's because he's 'her boy' no-one will ever be good enough for him but she doesn't seem to care about him at all, never phones, visits or asks how he is. The biggest problem is although he knows what they do, he won't stand up to them. He thinks they are family and he doesn't want to burn any bridges, i think he should tell it like it is and they might have more respect? What's your view?
2007-12-05 02:23:41 · 12 answers · asked by honey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have tried so many times to make an effort, i still do only because that's what my partner wants. I can't tell you the amount of times i've cried over how much they have hurt me. I wish i could be stronger and not let them get to me but everytime something happens they have me in tears (never in front of them as i wouldn't give them the satisfaction). I want to tell them myself but i don't want my partner to blame me for any bad feelings in his family.
2007-12-05 02:26:48 · update #1
We have been together 8 years and live close by!
2007-12-05 02:27:27 · update #2
At the end of the day your relationship is with your partner not with either families, so if you feel uncomfortable do not visit your partners family and your partner should respect your feelings.
2007-12-05 03:36:14 · answer #1 · answered by 121aloraphotos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should make your partner tell speak to them, if they don't start to make an effort then you both wont be Visiting any more..!! I know its a bit harsh & sounds a bit like the whole its me or them, but if you have been together for 8 years & planning to spend your lifes together they need to get on with you..!! I'd have done that a long time ago...
As for him, okay so there family but no-one should be treated like S*** from their own family.. Pull your finger out & do something about it..!!
2007-12-05 02:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa Lou <3 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He needs to go and see them on his own and tell them how he feels,he doesn't have to talk in a nasty attitude,just be friendly and ask them if he can talk to them about whats on his mind.
If they still don't budge after that,I would just get on with your own lives and to hell with them,just make it clear that your door will always be open to them should they ever want to sort out their issues.
If he sits and says nothing,it will only fester and lifes too short for that.
Plus,if he cares about you enough,he should step in and make it clear that they will have to stop hurting you so uneccasarily.
You've been together 8 years,time he got a back bone and tried the softly approach with them to see if that works,if it doesn't,at least he can say he tried and will have nothing to lose,cos it sounds like they are already making him miserable,some family they are!.
What on earth have you done for them to be so against you and want to hurt you like they do is what I'd be asking them!
2007-12-05 02:43:52 · answer #3 · answered by tinyfeet64 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with DB - have as little as possible to do with them. Screen your phone calls and don't answer if it is them.
Don't visit them. If your partner feels he must, then he can go alone.
If they are coming to visit him, arrange to be somewhere else.
If your partner complains to you about this, put your foot down and tell him that you are not going to have anything to do with them unless he stands up for you - you are supposed to be the most important person in his life after all.
2007-12-05 02:31:37 · answer #4 · answered by pstottmfc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them yoursel that they are disrespecting you and their son with their behaviour and it will no longer be tolerated people only get away with what you let them. If he wants to see them let him go alone I did with mine as his dad had set thoughts on what a woman should and shouldn't do and I.m a strong willed person that would not change my oppinions to suit him eventually they realised that I wasn't going to back down
2007-12-05 04:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by PAULA S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very difficult to answer your question w/o any specific instances you and the inlaws behavior. Maybe they feel it's shouldn't be their effort to get along with you.. It should be your effort to get along with them.. It's a respect thing..
Do you engage them in conversation when you around them? Are you cheerful/nice when you are around them? Try changing your behavior around them and see if they "come around" if not than I wouldn't take it personally... As for your husband/partner taking a stand against his family... That's best left up to him and NOT you. I would try every other way BEFORE he says anything.. That could be asking for trouble. Until them be cheerful, nice, outgoing, friendly and try to make the best effort in getting along with them... Though you didn't marry them you 'ARE a part of the family..
good luck
2007-12-05 02:32:38 · answer #6 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My husband stood up to his mother and it has made a huge difference in our relationship. He set boundaries as far as how his mother treated me and wouldn't let his mom cross them. At first she got mad but after she got used to them, they helped our relationship dramatically. Now I actually like her.
My sister-in-laws (hubby's bros gf/fiance) are still having problems with MIL because their guys will not stand up to her. She treats me differently and now I have become her favorite. Weird . . . but it would have never happened if my husband didn't stand up to her.
2007-12-06 09:36:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life sounds like my life ............my mother inlaw and sister in law hated me from the first day we met. I have never been good enough for my husband. when we got married they didn't change one bit. I just ignored them and waited patiently until one day he overheard what the one said to me.............and he put them in their place. Anyway with whom is he going to spend the rest of his life, you or them. Who has been good to them, you or them. If you force him to choose he will choose you. Be glad she never phones, visits or ask how he is. You should put them in their place in a nice pleasant way but make sure he is there when you do it.
2007-12-05 02:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my family was like that to my parther and trust me it was hard for us as we alway fight over it..she wanted me to tell them to treat her with respect but i alway said forget them as the relaionship is about two people who loves each other and who cares what our family like...we split up cos of this cos she think i dont love her enough to stand up to them..so go easy on him.
2007-12-05 02:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move well away from both of them and not bother with them at all.
2007-12-05 02:26:46 · answer #10 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋