We go halvesies on dinner, or maybe I pay a tip plus another dollar. I wasn't looking for a free ride but is this normal? I was impressed by his constant gentleman-ness and chivalry. It's evolving though. He waited until the L word came up before making this change, making things harder.
2007-12-05 00:09:05 · 13 answers · asked by melissa13182 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sure a relationship should be fair, and the guy doesn't have to always pay for everything. HOWEVER, when everything is "halfsies" down the middle, it makes you wonder if he's so busy tallying his bang for his buck, there's no room for any _genuine_ generosity. Money isn't everything, but a person's willingness to share it without a ledger present often signifies their level of selflessness--or lack thereof. Wanting to pamper, take care of, give to one another should be the crux of "loving" someone. It isn't a "split down the middle per moment" thing, but rather an "I'll take care of you and you take care of me in our time together" thing.
It is possible there is a reason he is being...careful? Has he been used in the past? Is he having financial difficulties he just hasn't told you about? (Granted, this is not a stellar reason, and cause for concern in and of itself, but can be worked through and maybe even open up lines of communication.) Are things truly good between you two, or do you think there is a reason that he may be backing off in the chivalry dept.?
Either way, this change in attitude and more so, cutback in generosity, is not a great thing. When you "love" someone, there should ideally be LESS "accounting" for kind deeds given/done and more "just doing" because you WANT to and it feels natural. Whether your guy has a past or situation that is making him more cautious now, or he's taking a ride on the relationship laziness train, it most definitely needs to be addressed.
You don't want someone whose generosity stemmed only from some finite term of "gentlemanly duty: I've done my job so now I can stop." You more so don't want someone who would use "love" as an excuse for behaviors that fly in the face of the word. It's manipulative and bespeaks a questionable person, even if, honestly, it is probably more typical than not. Not to mention, if this is how he is NOW, what will he be like in the future, when your lives are all the more entwined?
Talk to the guy. Hopefully it is just some sort of misunderstanding. But do proceed with caution. Seriously, no matter his reasons (short of some bad behavior on your own part--like you asking him repeatedly, incessantly to buy you things without any reciprocity leaving him feeling very used), when a person is a "tallier," they are focused on what they did/gave/should have to give in the moment always and very preoccupied with their getting their own fair share at all times. It will often be reflected in many other aspects of life as well and besides being difficult to live with IN a relationship, it can also lead to a very messy, especially feeling-entitled break up.
Good luck and I wish you well.
2007-12-05 21:07:03 · answer #1 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I honestly don't understand why you are still with him? - He complains about everything - He does nothing for you - You both always argue ( and it seems it's his fault) I think you deserve much better and i think he is a complete jerk. However if you really don't wont to break up with him, then tell him your feelings, tell his exactly what you have put here. After all of that if he is still being a jerk then you know what to do...
2016-05-28 06:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really strange that he would start not paying for stuff all of a sudden since the big L word... i think you should talk to him about it. only he knows why, maybe something like " hey i know this might sound weird but i noticed that you dont pay for anything anymore since we said i love you, are you trying to give me a sign or something?" hope this helped some good luck!
2007-12-05 00:15:56 · answer #3 · answered by amy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typically, it shouldn't be expected that he pay for everything. That is generousity. However, he shouldn't expect you to pay for everything either. If he's going through a tough time financially, it is understandable.
He should still pay for the dates, but think of what happens when you two get a joint account. Then it becomes a gesture. Explain to him that the gesture of him being romantic means a lot to you.
2007-12-05 00:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by "Speedy" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump his butt!!!!
Don't wait until your in massive debt to realize that he's just a jerk.
"but I know he loves me"
"he is just going through a rough time right now"
Don't make excuses for him either.
Have sex with him one last time, guilt him into taking you out for a night of fun and don't once offer to pay, say your broke and then don't talk to him after that, cut him off!!!!
I assume you don't live with him, which will make the whole dump and go so much easier.
Don't look back, you'll turn to salt!!!!
2007-12-05 00:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should sit down and have a talk with him. Don't attack him, just tell him what you have been observing and go from there. Maybe he is going through some type of difficulty, but the only way to find things out, is to sit down and talk about it. Hope all goes well
2007-12-05 00:13:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD!! i HOPE HIS NAME IS NOT FRED??? Lose the bf--he has a capital L on his forehead and it doesn't stand for love either. There are guys out there that LOVE to wine and dine us and DO NOT expect us to pay a dime for anything. Trust me, you can do better than this loser.
2007-12-05 01:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by Gypsy Rose 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
heheh..its not like he's asking u to pay everything all by urself...maybe he wants like both of u to share an equal role in ur relationship
2007-12-05 00:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by cutie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He thinks that now you are already in his arms so he needn't to be courteous like before? Is he a little selfish?
My ex-b/f was someone like so ....
2007-12-05 00:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by montagne de jade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it sounds like he's treating you as an equal. You weren't in it just for the money, were you?
2007-12-05 02:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋