my mom set me an appointment for the gyno do I really have to go?

Question

i'm sooo scared. i'm a virgin if they touch me i'll scream, I'm allowed to say no, right?? she says they have to so they can test for cancer, i think id rather get cancer though. will they let me leave? i need to hide :[ i read everything online they do and it makes me more scared. this is not true that askign questions will make you feel better the more i hear the more scared i get. theyll call me immature but i'll scream and run out. i don't care if its a lady doctor and not a man....

omg i'll pepperspray if they say get undressed im not kidding!! :[

i'm 17 soo i guess i cant do what i want yet? i feel so betrayed. moms should not assist in their kids assaults! im going to hide @ my friends i guess. she will hide me.

Answer 1

No, you don't have to go. It would probably be easiest to skip out and pretend you "forgot" if your Mom is really gung-ho about this. I'm 24, I got my first at 23 because I was having problems in that area- but when I finally decided to go it was on MY terms and I felt comfortable with the decision and with my rights. Nobody should be able to force you to go through an exam like that, it will be more damaging in the long run if your mother forces you to go than if she just waits until you are ready to go on your own. Explain to her that you are still a virgin, that you are not having any problems in that area, that it is your body, and that you wish to wait until you feel ready. That may be soon or it may be never and both are ok (don't tell your Mom that part, lol). If you do end up going (I know how it goes with families sometime) ask your Mom to stay in the waiting room. Then simply tell the nurse and the doctor that they DO NOT have your permission to touch you or perform an exam, and that you wish for your medical records to be kept private from your family. If you need to kill some time, take the opportunity to talk with the doctor about what exactly does happen etc so if you ever DO decide to go you'll be more comfortable withy the whole thing. Once you explicitely state your refusal of an exam they cannot touch you. If you need some moral support, bring your friend as backup (its not uncommon for women to want a friend to be present). I feel for you. Stand up for your rights and don't let yourself get pushed into anything you don't want. It'll be ok. -Neb

Answer 2

Hello Keila,

I understand your fears and there is absolutely no need (certainly at your age) to go for a gyn exam. Mothers and this whole society are just brainwashed when it comes to these things(especially in the US). As if you would be having cancer at age 17 already. Besides, you can get cancer in any sort of organ, so why is nobody obsessing at checking those out?

I definitely agree with you that you have the right to say NO! Remember that very well, you have the right to refuse and not to go! Don't listen to them if you don't want it (you're not going to die if you don't go,ok) . ESPECIALLY when you are still a virgin, it is YOUR body not anybody elses. Eventhough they say it is a medical exam and 'for your own good', it can leave severe emotional scars, since you may feel violated. Lot's of the procedures of the pelvic exam are useless and if you would want to have a pap smear done anyway, demand to take a smear sample yourself with a swab, allthough I doubt they will let you do that. The best thing is to just stay at home and don't allow your mother or anybody else to force you into this if you don't want to. There is really no reason to have a pelvic exam at your age when you feel perfectly healthy. I know they will all want to convince you that 'it's not a big deal' 'just a bit uncomfortable' and blablabla, but how can they tell how you are going to feel about it? You already know what it involves, and I agree it's pretty invasive and inhumane. Unacceptable IMO.
You can always join my yahoogroup if you wish (link below) and learn more about alternatives and get advise and support from wise women who are critical about what society, the medical establishment likes to make women believe.

Answer 3

She will get the report and bill if your covered under same insurance but yes the previous post is correct you do not have to let anyone else know your medical info or call your home due to being over 18 years of age. you could possibly ask that you pay the copay and pick up paperwork, it not be sent to ur home unless the test ran will require more billing for insurance this should be ok! just ask, im sure gyno offices are used to young girls asking these questions and they want to prevent unwanted pregnancy so they should help you! you can always go to the health department, probably for free and guaranteed confidentiality!

Answer 4

The rule of thumb when you go to a gyno. is 3 years after you become sexually active or at age 18- 21. By that time you will be a legal adult and be able to make your own appointment to see your own doctor. Also, by then you will have matured.

If you are having problems with excessive bleeding and awful periods, discharge or any other medical problem then seeing a gyno is not out of the question.

My opinion, if you are under 18 and not sexually active--you can wait for that first exam.

So, what will you mom do if you tell her "No" you are not ready to have this done yet. Turn the tables on her and ask
"At my age, did your mom force you to go to the gyno? How would you have felt if your mom did?"

Not quite sure why she wants to subject this to you so early.

I was 21 when I had my first exam. I chose who I wanted to see on my terms.

Answer 5

You are always allowed to say no to somebody doing anything to your body.

It sound's like you're very young to be having this done to check for cancer. In the UK, testing is not done for cervical cancer now until the age of 25 because it is incredibly rare for girls under that age to have cervical cancer. When you get older, it is a good idea to get checked for it regularly. You can reduce your risk of cervical cancer by not taking up smoking (which increases your risk by 7 times) and by not having too many sexual partners. This isn't a substitute for having the test though.

However, there is another reason for getting seen, to check if you have any illnesses. If you are a virgin having had no sexual contact at all, the chances are you do not have any any sort of infection that can be sexually transmitted. It is a great idea to get checked for sexually transmitted infections before you start having sex as you will know you are clear and only need to get your partner tested then (although it's a good idea to get tested again at the same time). Have you complained of any problems with your periods, or anything else with your genitals that has made you mom want you to have an appointment? This could also be a good reason to get yourself checked.

My advice is to explain why you don't feel you need an appointment at the moment. However, I'd think about getting checked in the future when:
a) you are thinking about having sex for the first time
or
b) you are over the age of 25

I have performed the examination that they do myself many times. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, undignified and scary. However, it is really important to be able to see your doctor and have your genitals examined, maybe not now but if you have a need in the future you have to be able to do it for your own health.

Have a talk with your mom about why she wants you to go and discuss it. Also, don't let anyone do anything that you are uncomfortable with, you can always say no (although it may not always be a wise thing to do).

Answer 6

When is the appointment and when do you turn 18?

Unfortunately, I have no idea if you're "allowed" to say no or if a doctor can legally force him or herself on you with a parent's permission. :( I would advise calmly (calmness is difficult, but important, because otherwise she won't take you seriously) explaining to your mom that you are a virgin, therefore you can't have any STDs or cancer. Recommendations say that you should only see a gynecologist when you are 18 or when you lose your virginity, whichever comes first, and neither of those situations have been met.

When it's necessary, you'll go (this is the part where you may potentially have to lie, but she might agree to it if you reassure her like that). But if you go before you actually need it, then it is not medical, so since you are not consenting to a medically unnecessary viewing of your privates, it is sexual assault.

Answer 7

Cancel the appointment and let your mother know that she can not force you to go.
If your mother is not accepting, lie to her. She has no right to force you into things you do not want. Neither has the doctor the right to touch you where you don't want to.
Even most doctors do not recommend pelvic exams at your age!
Your mother is overreacting, not you.

Answer 8

I would recommend that you tell your mom that you would like to make an appt to talk to the doctor first before anything is ever done as far as exams go. If the doctor is really good they will help you to feel better about this before anything is ever done.

But even before that let your mom know that you really are concerned about this appt.

If you would like to talk more about this one on one as well feel free to e-mail or IM me privately any time.

Answer 9

It would be better to follow your mom. At least you know that she cared for you. It's best to check if ever you have a cancer or none. It's good to be following to what your mom said than sorry because you had a cancer.

Answer 10

Wait till you leave home, and you NEED to go to the gyno,and can't afford to..are you kidding me? It's YOUR health..thank your mom for the opportunity, and learn something about yourself......c'mon!
What do you mean.."I'm allowed to say no, right?" This isn't
non-consentual sex, this is vaginal health...appreciate the difference..