I need my hubby..not a roommate!?

Question

We've been together for nearly 3 years. We have opposite bedrooms because he claims I'm to restless when I sleep. Now the sex thing has became less and less, he claims its because of his new workout routine that leaves him to exhausted and it affects him. I pay all the bills and then he'll write me a check for 1/2. But the past 3 months he will usually give his portion 2 weeks or more after the fact. I've discussed this with him to no avail. I'm quite miserable at this point, and frankly I'm not comfortable in this situation. Any input would be appreciated.

All your answers were terrific! Thank you for the quick responses.

Answer 1

You are just roommates with benefits...

I thought marriage was supposed to be a joint venture... you your money is my money... my money is your money and we use all of it to build a better life for both of us.

If it were me... I think I would get a divorce and find a spouse instead of staying with the roommate.

Answer 2

I don't know if it is just me but my belief is when you marry someone you become partners. You share responsibilites, You share a bedroom etc. I do hear about a lot of married couples that have seperate bedrooms and bank accounts. I don't understand it.

Marriage is base on a few things., Trust, honesty and communication being three of the most important. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with your husband. There is obvioiusly something going on and it is not going to go away by ignoring it. Find out what it is. Really be open and honest and truthful about the way you feel and then really listen to what he has to say. If the problem is put on the table the two of you can work on it together. By you not saying anything about his behavior and how it is making you feel you are giving him permission to continue the behavior. He may not even realize that you are hurting. I suggest also getting a joint bank account. When you get married you are supposed to combine everything. Seperate accounts really dont make any sense for married couples. If they were to ever get a divorce both accounts would have to be listed and both accounts would be equally divided.

Answer 3

People have different bedrooms, I have even heard that they have different bedrooms because one partner snores!!!

But back to your question....I think the se* thing would be more fun, you can hop from bed to bed and make it really interesting for you and your hubby!!!!! You can feel naughty without being naughty, because you are being naughty with your husband.

Honey, I swim every day during the week and on the weekends, when available, and I come home and I am tired, but not to tired for that with hubby!!!!! Plus, I am a stay-at-home mother, and am "on call" for my daughter at school, yeh, we all have busy lives, but your husband is using that as an excuse.

Bills and everything should be 50/50. If he is giving you a portion, what is he doing with the rest of his portion???

I would not be comfortable at all, either, have you tried to talk to him?? I would suggest you sit down and talk to him, and find out what is really going on, you just might discover something about eachother during that process, and hopefully come to an agreement about your situation.

Answer 4

Have you ever thought that he may be gay? It could be an answer.

I think that married couples should have a joint account for household expenses. Paychecks should go directly into this account and maybe an agreed amount to each person to cover personal spending. The joint account is strictly for household expenses and not a free for all for people to pull out money whenever. I'm not against a separate personal account but it doesn't work for every relationship.

These are symptoms that you are describing. I think that there is something else going on.

Answer 5

Is this for real? Girl, i would dump this person cause the way i see it,theres no relationship except that you are under the same roof. A relationship is being there through thick and thin for each other. Now about the bills,in my family,my wife and i pool our resources for everthing from bills to entertainment.Is he looking for a way out of the relationship/changed because of someone else? If talking to him does not work,then i see no future in your relationship.Ofcourse you in that relationship would be a better judge of the situation.

Answer 6

Sounds like he may have a little action going on the side. He is too comfortably distant and he seems to enjoy being distracted and has no eagerness to fix the problem.
Look at the root causes of the problem not the resulting problems. Why is he OK with being this distant, you may want to start doing some covert snooping as well.

Answer 7

You obviously have not learned the facts of life yet:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth I don't
lie anymore.

Answer 8

I must be old fashioned, but I feel a marriage should be shared in the bedroom. Later on in life, or for the real rich that really don't love each other, having their own bedrooms is common, but not when you have had a short relationship does this seem normal.

consider options on where you can turn........I'd not think seperation, cause it seems you already are............sorry

Answer 9

A husband and a wife should be able to share more than just 1/2 the rent. You need to either get marriage counseling, or kick him out!!!

Answer 10

See you have to take him for a family counseling, Sit with your hubby and share the things with him explain him properly about your feeling ambitions etc., other wise you have to go for their Parents and took decision from their end..