How does one learn to shut up?

Question

I work for my ex-husband. We've worked together for 4 years and we've been divorced for 3. Most of the time things sail smoothly but this week we had a huge argument (cause he's a jerk) and he suspended me for 1 day cause I talked back at him. I am going back to work this morning and I am still full of rage cause he won't let me explain myself. I need to learn how to shut up!!!

He's the owner. No one above him.

Answer 1

If you are really interested in doing this, the easiest way is to tune him out when he starts arguing. You start thinking of thigs in your head, ie your grocery list, errands you have to run, what to eat for dinner. Doing this will get you metally out of his conversation and you won't even hear what he is saying. All you havve to do is stand there and look at him until he finishes and he'll have no clue you heard nothing come out of his mouth. Trust me it works; I think I've gotten too good at it.

Answer 2

Treat your job like an actor would a role and nothing more. Do what is required and expected—you should know what he expects after all he is your hubby.

Your role as an employee is just that and under those circumstances your role as partner does not compute so quit trying to be more than what you were hired to do.

I know this sounds cold but business is business and family rules do not apply here.

Did he build that business on his own? If so, he must be doing something right. Stick to your role at work and realize that it is and should be for you, as for anyone else in his employ, the role of an employee—not wife—not opinionated partner—or anything else.

If you think you can see things or know of things he is not aware of and can see disaster coming around the corner then by all means ask to speak freely and if your boss allows it then issue it. Otherwise let him make his own mistakes—it’s part of what being the boss is all about—learning from your mistakes.

Crank up the formalism and get into the habit of doing what you were hired to do as closely as you are able. Hang in there switch the mental groove when you go to work because it is just a role.

Answer 3

You're working in a very difficult environment! I'm sure sometimes it's hard to understand that he's your boss. You might revert to those feelings of him being your husband instead. To learn to shut up is a very difficult thing, especially if you feel that you were not even able to explain yourself. He's probably feeling like he's back in the old relationship with you with one main difference--he has all the power!

Try talking to him in a calm moment when the two of you are alone together. With input from each other, try to find ways to solve this problem so that you can both move forward with as little bit of drama as possible.

Answer 4

Hello Jane Marple,
OK, he is a jerk....Do you want to feel that he has won?, even though the twot does own the business.....

So: every time you want to say what for and let rip at him try this:

Imagine each word he "gets you " to utter against him as a point against you to him.

Turn it into a deadly serious game...

One where you strive to maintain a pleasant, smiling countenance towards him DESPITE his best efforts.

Soon enough he will be screaming a blue fit and you, I guarantee, will derive heaps of satisfaction from remaining untroubled whilst he loses the plot. Good luck :-)

Answer 5

I believe I would be looking for a new job. Of course, he is the boss but he should still let you explain. And , if you divorced him years ago, why would you still want to be around him? Everyone talks back in a situation like this, he just wanted to show you who was boss. . .I divorced mine years ago and there is no way in hell I would ever want to work with him. And NO, you don't need to learn to shut up. YOU need to move on to another job so you won't have to put up with such crap.

Answer 6

Sad to say its hard to advice this kind of situation you have. Firstly, its your ex-husband and co-officemate. Secondly, you engage in huge arguments that I dont know.

But heres my strategy I hope it will work:

Just listen to him first and be patient let him talk and talk. I know this sound so bad. But people got tired if their only the one whose talking all the time. Until he will ask you these "Any violent reaction???" and "Am I alone here? HELLO?" thats it its your turn now.
Tell him your feelings towards him in a calm manner that way maybe he will listen to you now.

Answer 7

Well Jane you decided to go to work for your ex husband which is a very silly thing to do. There's not any real advice to give you because it's obviously a common sense issue.
Get a job where you don't work for your ex, it's called financial independence.

Answer 8

"He's the owner"....BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. OMG! First of all, husbands and wives should NOT be working together. How ludicrous is that? He totally has the upper hand because "he's the owner"...and to make matters worse, hes your husband. LOL. i dont think its a good idea to get business and personal affairs mixed up....too complicated.

its not YOU who needs to shut up. its HE who needs to have more respect and listen to what youre saying, because im sure u have logical good reasonings. ;-)

Answer 9

I have a suggestion-- Create a Suggestion Box!!! When things are put into writing, you usually think them through better.

Answer 10

You don't need to learn to shutup.You need to learn how to tell him off in a respectful manner.