I asked a question yesterday and got shot down. Full details are. My boyfriend from 14 years ago has come back into my life by pure chance. He is now married with two children. I am not a home wrecker and never want to be. However, we have both felt old feelings coming back after such a long time. Neither of us know's what to do, we are both scared about doing any thing for fear of hurting his family. He is not the hurtful type and I know he doesnt' want to be feeling these things. The fact remains that we both are. What do we do? We have to work together, does it mean that one of us has to move to a different job. But at the same time I really value him as a human being and want to spend time with him. HELP. I am really struggling with this, and I can't eat or sleep.
2007-12-04 17:58:39 · 12 answers · asked by crazychick1975 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.
It's not wrong to feel an attraction for anybody. You are attracted to whomever you are attracted to. What matters is what you are willing to do about it. If you are going to make the good choice of not acting on this particular attraction, there are some guidelines to help. The state of attraction is enjoyable, in and of itself - can you tell yourself that you are going to enjoy it without needing to act on it? Some other helpful things do to - when you are working with this man, do not allow yourself to be alone with him behind a closed door; don't go out to lunch with him just the two of you; try to keep conversation from becoming too personal (that's a line you will have to decide on yourself, what's too much and what is ok, but the last thing you want is to become his confidante about his marriage). Can you spend some time getting to know his wife, with the purpose in mind of becoming friends with her? I have done this a few times when guys I liked got involved with someone else, and was really happy to have made a new friend, plus it helped firm it up in my mind that there was going to be nothing happening with the guy.
If you don't think that you can do those things, then perhaps you should think about looking for work elsewhere.
2007-12-04 19:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want to spend time with him im sure... problem is he has commited his time to a wife and a family.
if you could meet his family as in you all get together that may be ok... but... you are talking about romantic feelings and that my dear is wrong. You as a female can lead this man down a wrong path if he is weak and feeling what you do. so... as hard as this sounds you have to put these feelings away. You said that " really value him as a human being " if you do then value his marriage... sorry and good luck i hope you can be strong and make the right desision.
2007-12-04 18:11:07 · answer #2 · answered by rufstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it for a few days. Sometimes what we feel are just echoes of the past and there's nothing really there. Let it pass, be a friend to him first but if it gets serious, I suggest you draw the line somewhere if you really don't want to break up a family.
2007-12-04 18:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did just fine without him for 14 years and you will do just fine without him for another 14, what do you mean you value him as a human being and want to spend time with him, that is just code for please give me a reason to see him when i shouldnt, i need a good excuse so i can rationalize my need to stay around him YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE AND IT IS HIS INNOCENT WIFE AND CHILDREN WHO ARE GOING TO PAY THE PRICE. YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A FRIEND YOU ARE LOOKING FOR JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS. SO I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER IS THIS THE SAME THING THAT PEOPLE SAID LAST NIGHT TOO. GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN AND HIS FAMILY
2007-12-04 18:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by Dale T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe in this totally......!!!!!!! i have a ex-boyfriend from 13 years ago that has just come poping back into my life, and he has a g/f and is not happy, but my thing is i am in the same town with them, and they come in to my work all the time and i get to see how she uses him for his money and takes advange of him, and i cant do anything about it and its killing me. I am totally in love with him and have been for many years, i never got over him, and never feel out of love with him!!! I wish you the best sweetie, and i would say, if you are willing and he is willing...GO FOR IT!!! STRANGER THANGS have happen....and love is a wonderful thing that should be shared and if it is ment to be he will be back in your life!!! GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES!!
2016-04-07 09:54:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid you're probably gonna get shot down again.
Please stay clear of each other, unless you wish to create too many problems for too many people. You're no longer HS sweethearts. He has a family with responsibility to live up to his marriage vows. Please give him the opportunity to do that.
2007-12-04 18:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you have to do to not get involved with him.
He doesn't want to hurt his family and you don't want to hurt him. In my mind, the only way to accomplish this is to not get involved.
But, this is just my opinion...
2007-12-04 18:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by Zom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to cut him out of your life for good. Period. get a new job, change your number, tell him you can no longer talk to him.
2007-12-04 18:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just work the best that you can with the situation and don't hurt his family. you wouldn't be able to live with yourself.
2007-12-04 18:04:00 · answer #9 · answered by flavours_of_entanglement 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, do you wanna be a side piece? cause no man would leve his family for an old girlfriend. bet he'll fool around with ytou, tho
2007-12-04 18:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋